


Bury It

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Series: It's Only Natural (On a Hiding to Nothing) Series [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Reader-Insert, Twincest, Weechesters, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-01-26 11:00:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21373048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: A series of snapshots from the On a Hiding to Nothing universe, all told from Dean's POV. ARCHIVE WARNINGS WILL APPLY TO CERTAIN CHAPTERS, NOT ALL CHAPTERS! Each chapter will have its own warnings listed at the top.Dean's inner monologue as he slowly starts to fall for his twin sister Y/n and how he deals after he falls.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Dean Winchester/You
Series: It's Only Natural (On a Hiding to Nothing) Series [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1299767
Comments: 54
Kudos: 98





	1. Balance

**Summary**: Dean’s been having dreams that confuse him and how he looks at his twin sister is changing.

**Story Warnings**: mentions of wet dreams, teenagers engaging in heavy petting/making out, incestuous thoughts…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How am I even supposed to look at her, huh? Over there humming that stupid Mariah Carey song, writing in her stupid journal…looking so pretty without trying to. It’s bullshit, man! Why couldn’t she just stay in her own fucking dreams, huh? And when is she gonna get a boob holster that fits?! 

Ya know, when Bobby gave me the puberty talk, he didn’t say anything about gettin’ wood for my twin sister. I fuckin’ hate this shit! She’s my other half! I’m not supposed to be lookin’ at her like that, dreamin’ of her like that.

She stops humming and looks over at me. “Sorry. It’s stuck in my head,” she says, and she’s blushing, embarrassed about the song. “I’ll try to stop.” She smiles and I melt.

“Nah, it’s okay. I don’t mind,” I assure her.

“You sure? I mean, you had such a sour look on your face…I don’t want you mad at me, D.”

I sigh, shaking my head and jumping on the end of her bed. She giggles as she bounces a bit and I have to force myself not to look at her boobs trying to escape the bra she stole two weeks ago. “I could never be mad at you, sister. You’re a part of me.”

She smiles and sets her journal on the nightstand before leaning forward and wrapping me in a tight hug. Why’s that trigger a boner? She’s my _sister_! Oh, but she’s soft and warm and her hair smells good and what the fuck is _wrong _with me?!

I pull back and twist to look at the tv. “Time is it? Think Fox Kids is still running?” Batman oughta get me focused. Bruce Wayne doesn’t think with his dick…or else he would have bent Catwoman over the hood of the Batmobile and-

Shut up, Brain! You’re supposed to be making the boner go away, not giving it extra fuel!

“I’m not in the mood for cartoons. I’m gonna take a shower. When Sammy gets back from his after-school thing, wanna go to the park at the apartments across the street?” she asks as I flip through the channels. 

“Yeah, sounds great. Sammy’ll love that.”

“Great!” She practically skips into the bathroom. Why’s she gotta be so happy all the time? Makes me wanna be happy. I don’t deserve to be happy right now. Not with the sick shit I’m thinking about her lately.

I try to ignore the fact that she’s left the bathroom door open. She does it all the time and it’s never been an issue before, because she’s my twin sister. But now it’s a damn issue because she’s my _fucking _twin sister.

My eyes keep darting to the door. She’s humming that stupid song as she’s waiting for the water to warm up. ‘You got me feelin’ emotions’…yeah, got me feeling emotions too. Seriously. Just get in the damn shower so I can jerk off or something. 

She hisses as she steps under the spray, then moans happily. I try to focus on Mr. Freeze trying to freeze this dickbag, Boyle, but she’s humming and she’s naked and I can’t stop thinking about it. I gotta close that damn door. It’s the only option. 

I stand and walk over to the bathroom, grab the doorknob and start to close the door, but…the shower curtain is thin plastic. This is so wrong. God, this is…peeping on my sister like some pervert. I can’t-

The motel door opens and Sammy walks in and I pull the bathroom closed, guilt all over my damn face. I really hope he doesn’t get why I’m so red. “Wh-what are you doing, D.?” he asks, dropping his book bag by the bed.

“Y/n was humming this stupid song. I couldn’t con-concentrate on-on my show,” I cover before deflecting. “How was the thing with your teacher? They want you in the spelling bee or what?" 

Sam’s face lights up. "Yeah! She went through the whole list with me and there were only three I didn’t know. She’s gonna talk to the principal, explain why I wasn’t able to qualify for the bee when they did it two weeks ago, try to get me added.”

I smile. My little brother’s the smartest kid ever. “Yeah? Spell 'qualify’.”

“Q-U-A-L-I-F-Y,” he says in the proudest tone ever. 

“Good job, Sammy.” I reach out and ruffle his hair, finally able to focus on something that’s not terrible. “So, you got homework?”

“Nah, I did it already.”

“Awesome. When Y/n gets outta the shower, we’re gonna head over to the park across the street. Let you get in some monkey bars fun.”

“Cool! There were a bunch of kids over there when I walked by.” Good. Maybe Sam’ll get to act like a kid with some other kids. 

“That’s awesome!” I say, sitting down to watch Batman again. Sam sits next to me, smiling.

Y/n gets dry and dressed and we head to the park. Sam runs for the jungle gym where a group of elementary-age kids are climbing, Y/n goes for the swings, but my eyes catch a pair of blue-eyed beauties, a brunette and a redhead, sitting on a picnic table on the other side. Just the remedy for my nightmares.

I walk over and pour on the charm, get these girls blushing and giggling. The redhead keeps mentioning a makeout spot back in the woods and I am all for that, man. She’s hot as Hell, a high school chick, probably just the thing I need. “Ya know what, sweetheart? Lemme just make sure my sister’s got eyes on our little brother and you can show me this magic spot back in the woods, huh?”

“Okay, Dean,” she says with a smile and I return it before turning to the swings where Y/n is digging holes in the dirt with her feet. 

She looks up at me when I approach and, damn, her eyes are pretty. “Hey, sister. I got a sure thing with the redhead…Stacy, I think. You good to watch-”

She waves me away, walks herself backward and swings forward, kicking her legs to get real high before she launches herself through the air to land like Superman in the grass. “Enjoy yourself, brother.” She doesn’t look at me as she runs for the slide and runs up it without any issue. Damn, she’s so fuckin’ effortless.

I follow Stacy into the woods and she is exactly the right thing for me. She’s good with her tongue, she gets her hand down my pants, I get my hand up her shirt, but then it starts to get dark and she pulls out the 'curfew’ card. Curfew. Lame.

I fix my jeans and follow her back to the park…where Y/n is sitting on the picnic table, surrounded by dudes.

I’m nervous for a minute but then one of them reaches out and touches her face and I’m pissed! Who the fuck does this guy think he is, touching my sister like that? Oh, and then she giggles and I’m pissed at her, too. Why is she encouraging this asshole?!

“I _can_!” she says through a laugh as I approach. 

“Twenty bucks says you can’t,” the taller bastard with the baseball cap on says.

“Can’t what?” I ask as I slide between her and the guys and sit next to her. 

“Oh, Gary said I can’t run across the top of the monkey bars without falling through them. He says it’s impossible,” she says, a twinkle in her eyes. Not the hustle we usually go for, but whatever. Let’s do this.

“I dunno, sis. You did fall last time you tried this shit.”

“I can do it, Dean!” she insists. 

“Okay, you make it across, this is yours,” Gary says, pulling out a twenty dollar bill. “You fall, I get a half hour with you in the woods.”

I jump up, fire zooming through my veins. “My sister’s not a whore!”

Her hand closes around my elbow as she stands. I know what she’s thinking, that she can make it across without having to sacrifice her innocence for this douchebag. I know she’s remembering Dad running us across the bars at a campground in Louisiana as a balance exercise. I’m just so fucking mad that he would even suggest it. 

“Don’t worry, D. I got this.” She walks over to the monkey bars, grabs the first bar and swings her legs up. She climbs up and stands gracefully on the first bar.

“Dude, you’re about to lose your allowance,” Gary’s buddy whispers as he stares at Y/n. She throws her arms out and takes off, a bounce in her step as she walks the fifteen bars, then turns around and walks back. When she gets back to where she started, she does a front flip and does her superhero landing. “Told ya.”

She smiles as she steps up to him. “I guess you’re gonna have to take Shawn into the woods with you.” She’s such a badass. She puts her hand out and Gary reluctantly hands her the twenty. “Pleasure doing business with you,” she says, grabbing my hand and dragging me toward the jungle gym where Sam is. “Sammy! Pizza for dinner!”

“Yay! Hawaiian?” he asks, running over to us. I grimace but Y/n nods.

“Sure, buddy. We can get a pepperoni _and _a Hawaiian. The dumbass in the John Deere hat is buying,” she says, giggling. “Come on!”

Sam waves to his new temporary friends and follows us back to the motel. “You can’t do that, sister,” I whisper as we approach our home for the week. “Can’t risk that shit.”

“Dean, even if I had fallen,” she says, turning to me in the parking lot. “I wouldn’t have gone with him.”

“He woulda tried to make you. I know guys like that. He’s bigger and older and he wouldn’t have taken 'no’ for an answer.”

She smiles up at me, a soft look in her bright eyes. “Between me and you, you really think he would’ve been able to make me go?” I take a deep breath and shake my head. She’s got a switchblade in her pocket, I’ve got a hunting knife in my jacket. John Deere wouldn’t have stood a chance. “I’m safe when I’m with you, Dean. Got no worries.” She bounces forward and hugs me and I lean my body away from her just a bit. Don’t wanna ruin the moment.

“Love you, other half,” I whisper.

“I love you, too. Let’s go order some pizza,” she says, letting Sammy into the room. 

I watch her walk away, watch her ruffle Sam’s hair just like I did earlier. She _is _my other half. She’s a soft and pretty version of me. The dreams will go away soon and we’ll be totally fine. I know it.


	2. Touch

**Summary**: Dean hasn’t had a ‘nightmare’ in months. He and Y/n go to movies during a stay with Bobby. _(13 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: mentions of wet dreams, incestuous thoughts, a small amount of Dean being a pervy young man…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“But I don’t like scary movies, D.” Y/n argues as we sit in the lobby with a bucket of popcorn balanced on our knees. “And we told Bobby we were gonna see _Aladdin_.”

I roll my eyes. “You think Bobby believed that? Come on! We can watch _Aladdin _with Sammy in any theater anywhere. _Candyman _isn’t gonna be in theaters forever and we’ve got Bobby keeping an eye on the kid and I really want to see some people get ripped.”

“You could see that in real life, ya know. Candyman’s a vengeful spirit, right? I mean, we could see that on any number of hunts with Dad. I just-” She’s looking down, looks ashamed.

“Wait.” I scoff. “Are you _scared _of Candyman?” I tease.

“_No_!” she explodes, but her cheeks go all red. She’s such a girl sometimes.

I grab the popcorn bucket and set it on the floor at our feet, turning to look at her. “Look, I know you wanted to see something fun, but…It won’t be so bad, Y/n. It’s fake, and even if it were real…” I put on the puppy dog eyes and smile. “You know I’d protect you, Y/n. You’re always gonna be safe with me, sister. I promise.”

She swallows nervously and looks in my eyes. I reach over and squeeze her shoulder. She sighs and nods. “Fine, but if the ushers try to kick us, we go without a fight, okay?”

I nod excitedly. “Yeah!. Man, it’s gonna be awesome, Y/n!”

“If you say so, D.”

We sneak into _Candyman _and sit in the middle of the theater, adults on either side of us to make it seem like we had chaperones. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her close. For her, not me. Gotta keep her feelin’ safe.

The movie is slow to start. Nothing scary happens for a long-ass time, but by the time Helen wakes up covered in blood with the dead dog and Anne-marie screaming at her, Y/n’s got her face hiding in my neck, her arms wrapped around me.

I like it, but just because I like that she feels so safe with me. I like how she can get so close to me and not worry about a fucking thing because she’s just cuddling with her brother and there’s nothing wrong with that.

There is nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with me. I haven’t had one of those dreams in months. I’m just being a good brother by rubbing her back and running my fingers through her hair. I’m comforting her.

She pulls away after Helen burns saving the baby. It slows back down, there’s a funeral scene and the husband crying in the bathroom even though he was a cheating asshole who didn’t deserve his wife. Y/n gasps as Helen appears behind him and guts the dick, leaving his body for the new girlfriend to find. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s over,” I whisper as the credits roll.

She shivers as my fingers trail the back of her neck and I like that. I like it in the wrong way. I stand up and start sidesteppin’ down the aisle, away from her. “You wanna get an Icee to share while we wait for Bobby?”

“Okay,” she says softly.

“Blue, Red or Coke?” I ask and I hope she doesn’t realize I’m avoiding looking at her.

“Coke.”

I pull out my money clip and go to the snack stand. I order a Coke Icee and get two straws. We sit on the curb and wait for Bobby to show up. She’s upset about the movie and I hate that. She’s all stiff and shit. I didn’t want that. “So…” I start and then I lose my nerve. I can’t do the chick flick shit. Cause then she’ll hug me and it might give me a ‘nightmare’. “You probably should’ve gone to see _Aladdin_, you baby." 

She scoffs and glares at me. “Fuck you, D.”

Well, that’s…better than being scared, I guess. “I guess I just thought you could handle it since you didn’t have a problem ganking that ghost in Somerland last month,” I continue. Double down and solve two problems…she won’t wanna touch me if she’s angry. 

“You’re an asshole,” she says, reaching out to grab the cup from my hand. The thought that she might dump it over my head crosses my mind but she doesn’t, just starts sucking on the end of the red straw.

“And you’re a little bitch,” I shoot back. Bobby’s Chevelle rumbles up to us and we stand, Y/n slipping into the back and letting me have shotgun. I feel bad about pissing her off but it was the best way to deal with it.

“How was the movie?” Bobby asks as he pulls away from the theater, heading toward the salvage yard.

“Good,” Y/n and I say at the same time. “Genie was hilarious,” we finish.

“Uh-huh.” Bobby’s voice is skeptical. “Didn’t know there was a genie in _Candyman_.”

“What?” I blurt out. Bobby just laughs and turns up the Creedence. I guess it’s a bad idea to try to bullshit a bullshitter. 

Sammy’s passed out in a sleeping bag on the floor in Bobby’s library by the time we get there and Y/n claims the couch without saying a word to me. She turns on her side and faces the back, not looking at me. I roll my eyes and roll out my sleeping bag on the floor next to Sammy.

She’ll get over it. She’s my twin. She can’t stay mad at her other half for long.

I wake up past midnight to whimpering and sniffling. For a minute I think it’s Sam, but when my eyes clear, I see he’s still asleep and the sounds are coming from the couch. Shit. Y/n must have had a _real _nightmare…and it’s my fault.

I slip out of my sleeping bag and climb onto the couch behind her, hugging her tight to my chest and petting her hair. She doesn’t say anything, she’s probably still mad at me, but she relaxes and stops sniffling. It doesn’t take long for her breathing to even out and she falls back to sleep.

I should get back in my sleeping bag, but…I mean, I don’t wanna move her, wake her up again. And the couch is a _lot _more comfortable than the floor…and Y/n’s so warm and Bobby’s house is so cold.

I’ll just keep my hands in neutral spaces and shift down so I’m not spooning her ass too much and I won’t feel up my sister. I can do this.

Man, I’m so fucked up, gotta tell myself not to touch her. Why’s she gotta be so pretty and perfect and strong and soft at the same time? Why can’t she be like a sister’s supposed to be? Annoying and whiny and stupid and rude? It’s her fucking fault.

No. It’s not. It’s mine. It’s my fault. I’m the one that’s fucked up. She’s perfect. I’m horrible.

I bury my face in-between her shoulder blades and try to stop thinking enough to fall asleep, but…my hands keep drifting up, right under her bra. I can feel lace fringe at the bottom so it’s the light pink one. She’s got panties that match and I wanna know if she’s wearing the complete set. Did she put on her Victoria’s Secret knockoffs for a movie date with me?

No. I can’t check. Wet dreams about sucking her tits and peeping on her…going through her underwear…those are terrible, but putting my hand down her pants? That’s inexcusable. It’s too far. Never come back from that…and even if she is wearing both…it ain’t for me. But who did she buy them for? 

Dammit. She got them because they’re cute and she wanted to feel pretty. She told me that two weeks ago. Well, not exactly. “Sometimes I spend a little money on cute things because I wanna feel pretty sometimes,” isn’t “I bought these pink lace panties and bra because I wanted to feel cute?” but it’s close enough.

I pull my hands down to her belly and anchor them there. I will not touch her. I will not touch her. I will never touch her.


	3. Diversion

**Summary**: Dean loses his virginity at a house party and comes back to tell Y/n all about it. _(16 years old)_

**Pairing**: Dean x reader (just pining), Dean x OFC (Chelsea)

**Story Warnings**: mentions of wet dreams, incestuous thoughts, Dean being a pervy young man, Teenage Dean talking about losing his virginity, talk about oral sex, **TALK ABOUT UNDERAGE SEX**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m still a little drunk as I slide the key in the lock and twist the knob. I stumble as I enter and laugh. “Shh!” I slap my hand over my mouth as Y/n points at Sammy, curled up next to her with a book over his face. He must’ve just passed out, ‘cause when he falls out reading, she always grabs the book so he doesn’t mess it up. I nod and quietly close the door. Y/n carefully picks the book up and closes it, setting it on the side table. She slides slowly off the bed and makes sure Sammy’s still out when she stands. **  
**

I lick my lips as she stretches, her tank top riding up as she dips backward. Fuck. When does she have time to tan? That fuckin’ skin that’s so fucking smooth and-

Stop! Can’t start that shit again.

I look away from her and shake my head. “You eat?” I ask, quietly.

She pulls her shirt down and straightens her little blue sleep shorts. “Nah. There was only enough bread left for one sandwich so I made it for Sammy. He tried to make me eat half but I threatened to tie him down and force it down his throat so he relented. How was your party, brother?” She moves seamlessly from one thing to the other. 

I smile as bright as the sun and flop down on my bed. “It. Was. Awesome.” I lean down to untie my boots. “They had real booze, not the light beer and wine coolers they usually stock at these things. There was Wild Turkey! And the chicks were top-shelf, Y/n…and guess what?” I step on the back of one boot, then the other and as she walks over and hands me a cup of water.

“You finally got your home run?” she guesses quietly.

“Dude! This smokin’ hot senior named Chelsea, she was wearing a halter top and a miniskirt and she was just…” I groan and throw my head back. “She was perfect! Her body was amazing and she was the best kisser I’ve ever kissed.”

I take a drink of the water, it tastes like metal but whatever. Y/n licks her lips and takes a drink, too. My mirror. My other half. Wonder how she kisses…probably shy, reserved. Would probably gasp when a guy sticks his tongue in her mouth, probably-

I don’t want to think about that. No one is sticking their tongue in my sister’s mouth. 

“She takes me up to the master bedroom, right? And she pulls her top off before I’ve even shut the door, right?" 

“Seems like an easy score. She didn’t even make you work for it,” Y/n says, quietly.

“Oh, man, Y/n. She was all _over _me. She pushed me into the door and kissed me and then she dropped down to her knees…” Y/n’s biting her bottom lip, her cheeks all flushed. “I’ve never had a girl go down on me, but I want that for the rest of my life. She was so good with her tongue, sister. She has definitely done that before because she was a freakin’ expert.” 

“W-what d-did she…like, what did she do?” Y/n whispers, all shame and curiosity in her tone. I swallow and lick my lips. She wants me to describe a blowjob? My never-been-kissed sis wants me to describe oral sex. 

“Well…she got me all worked up with the kissing,” I whisper, shifting on the bed to face her. My dick’s starting to get hard. It’s just because I’m thinking about Chelsea, that’s all. It’s not the look on Y/n’s face. It’s not the picture of Y/n in Chelsea’s place. “She slipped down to her knees, hands all over my jock. Unzips my pants, unbuckles my belt, pulls my boxers down and…”

I swallow again, my throat real dry all of a sudden. “And then she…wrapped one of her hands around my dick and she cupped my balls with the other hand and she j-jacked me a few times and then she leaned in and licked me.”

She gasps, just a little, and she shifts and pulls her shorts down a little. Nervous energy. Fuck, that’s cute. “And she just licked me for a few minutes, sucked my balls a few times…she did this thing where she scraped her teeth along the skin and it was just fuckin’ awesome.” My dick twitches at the memory.

“Wait. Teeth is good?” she asks, her voice squeaky. 

“Not a _lot _of teeth. Just enough teeth to feel it, I guess.” I shrug. “Anyway, then, uh…she…started sucking me and jackin’ me at the same time, lot of tongue. It was so good, sister.”

“And then…y-you had sex?”

I nod. “Yeah. She pulled out a rubber and put it on me and then she shimmied outta her skirt and laid down on the bed.” I think about Chelsea spreadin’ her legs for me, but then I look down at Y/n’s lap. I’m so fuckin’ hard right now…and I want Y/n to spread her legs for me, too. I wanna be her first, so fuckin’ bad. 

Shit. No. No. Bad. I’m not doin’ this again. Shut up, Brain. We’re working with real memories now, not sick fantasies. Real memories of real tits bouncing as I fucked Chelsea, real moans in my ears as I rubbed her clit, real pussy clenching around me. Real, not fake.

I look away from her, take a drink of water and hope my head clears a little. "She said I lasted a long time for it being my first time. Guess Dad’s endurance training is good for more than just running through the woods after monsters.”

“Wow. Just lost your virginity and you’re already insufferable,” she whispers, amused. I look over at her and smile. She smiles too. “I’m sure I’ll be the same, huh? When I lose mine…probably won’t shut up about it, right? Probably talk about it all the time…” She trails off, looking away embarrassed. 

I lick my lips and close my eyes. I could give her something worth talking about. Of course, she’d never be able to tell anybody because it’s sick and fucking disgusting to do the things I wanna do. 

I start to agree with Y/n, just so she’s not sitting there feelin’ awkward, but a small moan from the other bed forces both of us to turn our attention to Sam. His face is all scrunched up. “Another nightmare?”

Y/n stands. “He’s havin’ a lot of ‘em lately and I don’t know why. Kinda worried.” She kneels on the bed next to him and puts her hand on his chest, shaking him a little. “Sammy, honey, wake up.”

Sam startles awake, looks fucking confused as hell for a minute, then jumps up and runs to the bathroom. I chuckle. “Did ‘e piss himself or somethin’?”

“Shut up, jerk!” he yells from the other side of the door.

“Aw, don’t be such a little bitch, Sammy!”

“Bed’s dry,” Y/n says, laying down. “Be nice.”

I scoff and flop back on my bed. “I _am _nice.”

“No, you’re a jerk,” she counters, pulling the covers back and slipping under.

“Aw, what do you know? Chelsea thought I was nice,” I say, mimicking her.

“Oh, please. She thought you were cute and easy, brother.”

I smile because Y/n thinks I’m cute, but then I laugh. “Well, I would rather be easy than unfulfilled, sister.”

The toilet flushes and Sammy walks out, his cheeks pink. “Can I sleep with you, Dean?” he asks, quietly.

I nod and lift the blanket. “No nightmares, Sammy. Y/n and I’ll keep you safe.” Sammy climbs in next to me and turns his back to me and Y/n. Must be embarrassed about his bad dreams.

“Sweet dreams, Sammy,” Y/n calls and Sam stiffens a little at the mention of dreams.

“You too, Y/n.”

“Good night, you guys,” I say, turning on my side to look at Y/n as she starts to settle. Never get over how pretty she is. She’s so much prettier than Chelsea. She’s so much prettier than any girl I’ve ever seen. Fuckin’ perfect in every way. 

I flip onto my back and look at the ceiling. I can’t have her, can’t have the fuckin’ perfect girl in the next bed, but I can have other chicks. I can have a bunch of other chicks. Maybe they’ll add up to her worth.


	4. Fairfax

**Summary**: Y/n meets the QB of Truman High’s football team and Dean doesn’t deal with it when the player asks her out. _(18 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts and actions, Dean being a pervy young man, talk of underage sex,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fairfax is just another in a long line of towns we’ve been to this year. Chicks are attracted to me immediately and guys are baffled that I managed to pick up the best of them within days of showing my pretty face.

“Hey, Winchester!” a tall, blond guy in a Letterman jacket approaches as we walk on campus. He’s obviously talking to me so Sam just adjusts his backpack and keeps walking. Y/n looks the guy over and her cheeks go pink…for this douchebag?

“Make sure Sammy’s okay. With that jerk yesterday…just get him to home room,” I say and she nods, heading inside. I shove my hands in my jacket, fingers running over my knife. “Sup?”

“I heard you got with Amanda. How’d you manage to pull such a hot piece of ass in two days when I’ve been trying to get her since sophomore year?”

I roll my eyes. “It helps if you don’t call girls pieces of ass,” I respond. “Active interest, dude. Listen to what they like, repeat shit back to prove you’re listening. Smile at them. Make them laugh. Make ‘em feel appreciated. And being a handsome, mysterious badass doesn’t hurt your odds. Good luck, man,” I say before heading inside.

I don’t see him again until lunch. Sam’s here with the bologna sandwiches Y/n packed for us, but Y/n is nowhere in sight. I hear her laugh in the parking lot so I head that way, telling Sammy to eat his food. She’s perched on the back of this ugly brown Pontiac Fiero, smiling at the football douche from this morning. He’s got his hands resting on the tops of her thighs. I tamp down the rage that comes over me and walk over. “You had me worried, sister. You didn’t tell me you were skippin’ lunch.”

“Sorry, D. Chad and I got talking last period and he was telling me about his car. His parents bought it for him ‘cause he earned a full-ride football scholarship to Butler! Isn’t that awesome?!” she says, beaming. “And I guess I just got caught up. He’s so funny!”

‘Make them laugh’. Of course. “Yeah, he looks like a real Seinfeld. You gonna come eat? You know Sam’ll eat everything if you don’t.” I offer my hand and she takes it, jumping down from the trunk with a smile.

“I’ll see you tonight, beautiful,” Chad says and Y/n goes pink again.

“Yeah. Tonight.”

“Tonight?” I ask as we head for the table where I left Sam.

“Yeah. We’re gonna meet up at the mall and he’s gonna take me to the drive-in,” she chirps as she almost bounces toward the table. “I think I might finally get my-” Don’t say ‘home run’. “-first kiss!”

Wait, she really hasn’t been kissed, still? Well…if the guy wasn’t such a huge douchebag, then…but he is…and he’s using _my _moves to get her. Asshole.

I send Y/n and Sam off to the motel after school and she doesn’t fight me about it. She’s gotta go get ready for her date. I go to the locker room. Chad’s getting ready for practice. I grab him by his stupid blond hair and slam his face into his locker, grab his right arm and twist it up behind his back. “What the hell do you think you’re doing with my sister?”

He groans and tries to look at me. “What, you can use that smooth-talking bullshit on Amanda, but I can’t use it on your sister?”

“My sister’s worth a thousand Amanda Heckerlings,” I growl in his ear. “She’s too good for my tactics or _your _douchebaggery. You touch my sister again and I’m gonna break your throwing arm,” I threaten, pushing his arm higher up his back. “There goes your scholarship to the big school, your ticket out, you’ll be stuck in this bullshit town for the rest of your life. Is a piece of ass worth that to you?”

“You’re a fuckin’ psycho!”

“Damn right I am,” I answer. Of course I’m a psycho…for a thousand reasons. “You gonna stand her up, or should I just ruin your life now?”

“Just let me go. I won’t touch her!”

For a minute I think about breakin’ his arm anyway, just for having the audacity to touch my other half, but I let him go and step back. “When she asks you ‘why’, what are you gonna say?”

“That I found someone better to spend my Friday night with!”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” I nod. “Have a good practice, QB.”

When I make it back to the motel room, Y/n is in the bathroom. “She’s been in there for an hour,” Sam complains, looking up at me from the bed where he’s sprawled out with his homework. I feel a bit bad that she’s putting in so much effort when Douche-Chad isn’t gonna show, but he was planning to use her. It’s better this way. “She pulled out the shiny dress. Must be doing something special.”

‘The shiny dress’? The one she lifted from Body Central? The one that made me have to run to the mall men’s room and jack off in the stall after I saw her in it? Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

“Hey, sister! You gonna be in there all night?!” I ask.

“N-no! I just…gotta finish my eyes!”

She’s doin’ makeup too? She never does makeup. She doesn’t need makeup. Shit, but that’s gonna look awesome on her, isn’t it?

“Putting in a lot of effort for _Chad_, aren’t you?”

“Shut up, Jerk!”

“Witch,” I answer, sitting on the edge of the bed and readying myself for the sight of her. She opens the bathroom door and my heart stops. The shiny green dress doesn’t have straps and it’s so fuckin’ short I’m sure her ass would show if she bent over. She’s got her hair braided real tight and she’s got brown and purple shadow on her eyelids, black eyeliner makin’ her eyes so bright.

“Wow,” Sammy whispers and I just nod.

“Do I look okay?” she asks, looking all shy and unsure of herself.

“You look awesome,” I whisper, swallowing and standing. “You look…damn.”

“Really?” She beams when she smiles, ruffling the skirt of her dress.

“Yeah. You look great, Y/n!” Sam exclaims, jumping up from the bed and walking around her. “Just don’t bend over.”

I smile as she tucks her hand over her ass, pushing the fluffy skirt down more. “Right. I was thinking the same. Bend at the knees, not the ass,” I joke.

“Thanks. Yeah, it’s a little short, but…good?”

“Great.” I nod and I feel horrible that she’s about to get stood up but…I’m really happy that Chad doesn’t get to see her like this. She smiles and walks over to her bag, pulling out a pair of slip-on shoes. “Have fun, sister.”

She takes a big breath and hugs me. “Don’t wait up,” she says, mimicking my words from every date I’ve ever gone on.

I watch her sashay out of the motel room and sit on the bed again. I expect her to be back in an hour, maybe two if she gives him the benefit of the doubt, if she sits in the food court waiting for him…but it’s four and a half hours later, almost midnight, when the phone on the nightstand starts ringing. “Yello?”

“Dean?” her voice is croaking and I immediately go tense.

“Y/n? Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Shad didn’t come. He dinnit show-p,” she slurs. Is she drunk?

“Are you drunk?”

“Yus,” she whines. “There was nice girl saw me at the mall, ‘vited me to a party ‘cause I was s-sad. I like wine coolers.”

I’m a shaky kind of angry when I think about her at some house party…in that outfit…drunk. I know what could happen to her. “Where are you?”

“I-I doe know. Some big house on Sycamore. It’s got the-the big…there’s a…toperary…a lion like in _The Shining_.”

“Okay. I’m gonna come get you, okay? I want you to go in the bathroom and stay in there until I get there,” I demand.

“‘Kay.”

I write a note for Sam on the motel notepad and run to the front office for directions to Sycamore Street from the night clerk. I haul ass, run half the way there and jog the other half. I don’t knock when I get to the house with the lion topiary in front. “Hey, where’s the bathroom?” I ask the first guy I see.

He points toward a door near the staircase. “There’s a chick who’s locked herself in that one though so you might have to go upstairs.”

“I’m here for the chick in the bathroom,” I say to myself as I walk over and knock on the door. “Y/n? Hey, open up.” The door opens and she looks so fuckin’ ruined. Fuck. “Let’s get you outta here.”

I lead her out of the house and we start walking back to the motel. She’s stumbling. I wonder how much she drank?

“Dean?” she says softly as we approach the motel.

“Yeah, sister?”

“Will you kiss me?” I stop and turn to look down at her and she’s lookin’ up at me and her eyes are all red from the crying and the Bartles and James, but she’s got her begging eyes on under the smudged eyeliner and raccooned shadow. “I know it’s bad 'cause I’m your sister but Chad was gonna-guh…guh-nuh kiss me. Chad was gonna shoo me how guys like kissing an’ now I…will you show me?”

I can’t. She’s drunk. She’s drunk and she doesn’t know how much I love her and if I kiss her, she’s gonna know. “Y/n, I can’t.”

Her eyes flutter closed, her lips pull down to pout, but she nods. “S'okay. You don’t wan’ me'either. Nobody does. I’s stupid an’ ugly,” she says as starts walking away from me, patting at her dress like she’s looking for her room key, which she definitely doesn’t have because there’s no way she’s hiding anything in that skin-tight dress. “An’ nobody’s gonna wan’ me an’ I guess that’s okay 'cause hunters die young so it’s not a big deal.”

“What the hell are you sayin’?” I ask, following behind her. “You aren’t gonna die, Y/n.”

“Sh'up. Yes, I am. Gonna die kissless virgin stupid girl,” she whispers.

I sigh and grab her shoulder, twisting her and pushing her into the wall next to the door. “Stop talking about yourself like that, sister. Someone will kiss you.”

She shakes her head sadly. “We’re eighteen, Dean. You’ve kissed so many girls. You’ve fucked so many girls. I’ve never even had one guys kissed me! I’m ugly and scary and-”

“It’s not that!” I’ve kissed and fucked so many girls because I can’t have the one I want, Y/n!

“It’s _something_!”

I lean down and look in her eyes again. It’s my fault. It’s Dad’s fault. It’s the life. “One kiss. Just one.” It’s gonna ruin me. This is gonna destroy me. One kiss. Just one.

She nods and I press my lips to her mouth, slightly open to fit over her perfect, plump, beautiful lips. Her right hand grabs my jacket and pulls me down further, left hand goes to my hair and then her tongue is in my mouth and, oh my god she tastes so fucking good! It’s fruity wine cooler on her tongue and peppermint Chapstick on her lips and she tastes better than I always imagined.

I press my body into hers, desperate to touch her more, but careful not to break the 'just one kiss’. Her hand tightens in my hair and she moans and that is simultaneously the most amazing and scariest fucking sound in my entire life.

Because I made my other half moan. I kissed the breath out of her and made her fucking moan but if she keeps that up, Sammy’s gonna wake up and that’s not a conversation I need to have with our little brother.

I hate that I _have _to pull back from her, that I have to break the kiss, but I do. She looks up at me with wide eyes for a minute, then whispers, “Wow,” and immediately turns her head and pukes red liquid all over the cement.

“Okay, sister, let’s get you some water and something to soak up the rest of that red shit in your stomach.” I pull out the key and open the door, pulling her inside by an arm around her waist.

“I love you, D.” she says as I drop her on the edge of Sam’s bed. He can deal with it if she throws up again.

“I love you, too, Y/n.”

“No, cause you’ve only got each other, ya know? We only have me and you.”

“I know, sister. I know,” I whisper as I grab a jar of peanut butter and start to make her a sandwich.

“Dad’s gonna die jus’ like Mom an’ Sammy’s had a foot out the door since before Flagstaff and we aren’t gonna be able to hold him when he’s our age.” I glare at the lump under the covers next to her, reminded of the panic Sam put us through in Arizona. The pain when Dad got back and Sam was still missing…pretty sure he cracked the leather on his belt. “Is jus’ gonna be us.”

As much as I love Sammy, just me and Y/n sounds a bit like Heaven. I smoosh her sandwich together and hand it to her. She takes a bite and moans happily. I smile and drop to my bed.

“Thank you for coming to save me, Dean.”

“I couldn’t leave you there, baby,” I whisper and immediately shake my head. Not my baby.

“You coulda, but you didn’t. You’re the best thing ever.”

“Nah. That’s you, Y/n.”

She smiles and eats her sandwich…and then leans back and falls asleep…or more passes out, I guess. I watch her for a while, curling up next to Sam’s body. I kissed her. I can’t believe I kissed her. I can’t believe she asked me to kiss her…and what kinda asshole am I that I _did_?

Fuck and that _moan_. My dick starts to get hard thinking about pressing her into the brick outside the door. I wanna hear that moan again. I wanna make her make that noise again.

I slip into the bathroom and jack myself off, cumming to the memory of her grabbing my jacket.

The next morning I wake up before her. Sam is already up and showered, eating a bowl of Cocoa Puffs with a fork. “You couldn’t wash a spoon, you animal?” I groan as I stretch.

“Didn’t wanna wake you guys up.” He looks over at the bed. “She okay?”

I nod. “Yeah. She got stood up so she decided to channel me and go get bombed. She’ll have a nice little hangover when she wakes up, but she’ll be all right.”

“She got stood up?” Sam asks, his eyes huge. “What kind of idiot would-”

“Quarterback must’ve had too many hits to the helmet, right?” I sigh and look over at her. I wonder how much of last night she’s gonna remember. I don’t know if I _want _her to remember the kiss or not. Probably better if she doesn’t, right?

“Man, that sucks! She got all dressed up.” Sam shakes his head and stands up to put his bowl in the sink.

“Hey don’t put water in that. I want your milk.” He rolls his eyes and grabs the bowl and hands it to me. I pour Cocoa Puffs in his leftover milk and start eating…with a fork because I’m not cleaning a damn spoon.

It’s almost 1 when Y/n finally wakes up. She looks nauseous and runs to the bathroom without even saying anything to either of us. “How you feelin’, princess?” I call.

“I’m never drinking again!” she groans and I chuckle.

“I’m sure. No more random house parties?” I ask, getting up and pouring her a cup of water. She’s gonna need it.

“No. God, no. No more drinking. No more parties.” She flushes the toilet and walks out and I hand her the cup. “No more stupid football boys with ugly cars. Thank you, D.” She takes a drink of water and sighs. “I was just really hoping to get my first kiss last night.”

Oh thank god she doesn’t remember. “Ah. It’ll happen for you…with someone better than Chad.”

“Yeah. Or not. Doesn’t matter. I don’t need boys.” She smiles at me and looks over at Sammy. “I got brothers.”

“Yeah! You don’t need some stupid quarterback,” Sam says.

She giggles and grabs her body wash from her bag. “I’m gonna take a shower. I feel like crap.”

“That’s called a hangover, sister.”

“Never again,” she says as she shuts the door.

‘Never again’ is right. Nothing that happened yesterday can happen again.


	5. Drunk

**Summary**: A week after Sam goes to Stanford, the twins are dealing with it in their own ways: Y/n’s putting on a strong front and Dean is drinking his woes away. _(22 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts and actions (**noncon**), Dean being a pervy young man, heavy drinking, **18+! HERE BE SEX!! DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!…NONCON FINGERING**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You and your sister are going to stay here. I’ll be back tomorrow,” Dad says as he loads up the car and pulls out his Nokia phone. “I’ll call if I find anything.”

“Yes, sir,” I say like it fucking matters whether I respond or not. He’s leaving no matter what. One day, he won’t make it back. Sam’s already gone, Mom’s been dead for years, and one day Dad’s gonna drive off and not come back for us and it’s just gonna be me and Y/n. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say before heading back into the motel room.

Y/n is sitting on the bed. Our bed. Our bed if Dad’s around. Dad’s gone so I get his bed tonight, but I don’t want it. I want to sleep with Y/n curled up next to me, being my little spoon, being the comfort for each other. We need it since Sam left us. We only have each other. We only _need _each other.

She’s been so upset since Sammy went to Stanford. She’s been keeping it in because Dad’s been around and she doesn’t wanna be weak around him…we can’t be weak around him…but I can tell. I can see it. Her eyes don’t sparkle lately, and she’s been sleeping a little longer than she used to, eating a little less.

I bought her a book at the last truck stop, the new Stephen King. She likes Stephen King. I was hoping…well, she’s reading it, but she doesn’t have that lost look she usually gets when she’s engrossed.

I go to my duffel and pull out a bottle of bourbon. “You want some?” I ask, shaking the bottle in her direction. She shakes her head, just like she always does. Y/n doesn’t drink. Not since that first hangover that followed her around for two days in senior year.

She doesn’t drink, she doesn’t smoke pot, she doesn’t fuck around with randoms in every town we move to. My other half is so straight-laced and beautiful. She’s like all the goodness in this family all got dropped into her perfect, curvy body. All the best parts of every Winchester…she’s all of it. She’s perfect.

“Suit yourself,” I say as I twist the top off. I grab the remote and start flipping through channels. Scooby-doo meets the Globetrotters catches my eye for a minute but I kinda want something a bit more violent. Cartoons aren’t cutting it today. I get to the TV Guide Channel and take long drags off my bottle as I watch the scroll. “Perfect!” I flip to HBO as some sci fi flick goes into its credits and I drink some more while I wait.

This is the best Val Kilmer movie. He was a shitty Batman in a shitty Batman movie, but he is the best Doc Holliday.

I keep looking over at Y/n. She’s reading the book. _Dreamcatcher_. She’s so pretty. She’s not even doing anything…just layin’ there reading with her sad eyes and pretty face and her pretty fucking lips.

I kissed those lips once. Just once, long time ago. She tasted like peppermint and strawberry. Pepperberry. Sometimes I wonder what she’d taste like without the wine coolers on her tongue, without the alcohol pushing her. I bet she tastes better. Better than this bourbon.

I think about kissing her all the time. I dream ‘bout it. Dream about her getting drunk again and asking me to kiss her again…going further. That moan when I kissed her before…I’ve dreamed about making her moan again…but better…with my tongue in her cunt. I bet her pussy tastes so good.

But she doesn’t drink.

I lick my lips, take another drink, try to focus on Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday. I swallow down another mouthful of bourbon. I look over at her…looks like she’s getting into the book. She likes it. It’s good she likes it. She deserves to have something that makes her feel a little better…and it’s good that I can give her the thing that makes her feel better.

My head’s swimming by the time I look over at her again. She’s biting her bottom lip, staring at the page. She’s awesome. She’s the best thing ever. I just wanna hold her.

I get up and sit next to her on the bed. “You okay, brother?” she asks.

I grab the book from her hand and toss it at my bed, Dad’s bed, the other bed. I pull her into a hug, arms wrapped around her as tight as I can. She’s stiff in my arms for a minute but then she relaxes. “You know I love you, right, sister?”

“I know.”

“You know everything’s gonna be okay. We have each other.” I look her in her eyes so she can know I’m serious and it’s not just the liquor. “You an’ me…we have each other…always. We don’t have Sam because he just couldn’t wait to get away from us…and we don’t have Dad’s support and all we have is memories of Mom, but we _always _have each other. Two halves of a whole, sister.”

“I know, D. I’m your other half, I know.”

I smile. It’s so nice to hear her say those words. “Lay down with me?”

“Oh, but I was-” she starts, looking at the book, but then she smiles. “Okay.”

We slide down, settle against each other. She smells so good. I bury my face in her hair and just breathe her in. My legs kinda tangle with hers and I slip my arms around her body. Her shirt rides up a little and I can’t help but put my hand on the small of her back. She gasps at the contact and I love it. I slip my hand further up her spine and press her closer to me. She relaxes more and she starts to fall asleep and I’m just staring down at her.

My right hand shakes a little as I move it to rest on her hip. I don’t wanna wake her, she’s so close to sleep, but my fingers start to sneak under the waistband of her PJ pants. I just wanna touch her. I’m not gonna do anything bad, I just wanna touch the skin of her hip…that perfect soft skin that I never get to see, never get to touch.

I’m not gonna do anything bad, I just wanna see which panties she’s wearing.

I slowly move my fingertips across her skin, I feel satin I think and a small heart pattern. The pink ones…with the little red hearts…slide my fingers up and there’s the little bow…right on the waistband. I could just…

I’m not gonna do anything bad…I just wanna know if she shaves or not.

Her whole body stiffens as my fingers come in contact with the soft curls of hair on her pussy. “Dean, what are you-” She tries to push me away, but I don’t let her. I hold her tighter, drop my head to her shoulder.

“Shhh. It’s okay, Y/n. It’s okay.”

“It’s-it’s not–you can’t-”

I shush her again and keep my hand where it is. My middle finger is just resting along her pussy lips. If I put a little pressure, my finger would be between her lips, I could find her clit, make her feel amazing. Just gotta let her relax.

“It’s okay, Y/n. Just calm down. Everything’s gonna be fine. I’m gonna make everything better,” I whisper and then I start kissing her neck and shoulder. She’s gasping, squirming a little and I’m hard as rock but this isn’t for me. “Gonna take care'a you.” I scrape my teeth across her skin and she jerks under me.

“Br-brother, this isn’t ri-”

“I love you. Let me make you feel good.” I lean over her, look in her eyes and smile at the blush on her cheeks. “Doesn’t matter if it’s right. Does it feel good?” She doesn’t answer, just licks her lips and swallows. Her pretty lips. Wanna taste those again.

I kiss her, hard and passionate and she goes stiff for a minute before she kisses me back. Her hand wraps around the back of my neck and pulls me down closer. I just kiss her for a few minutes, licking at her tongue and enjoying the taste of her. She doesn’t taste sweet this time, just tastes like her, and that’s so much better.

She relaxes into the kisses, starts rolling her hips a bit against my hand and I let my finger slip between her pussy lips. She moans when I put pressure on her clit. I don’t stop kissing her, _can’t _stop kissing her, as I let my finger move down to her entrance. She’s so wet! My finger slips right into her tight fucking cunt and she gasps into my mouth.

I start fucking my finger in and out, hard pumps that have her squirming against me, fingernails digging into the back of my neck as she moans. God that sound. That’s such a beautiful sound.

“Feel so fuckin’ good, Y/n. Such a tight pussy,” I whisper as I get a second finger in her.

“_Dean_,” she whines and I gasp this time. Damn.

I press the heel of my hand against her clit and use every bit of my knowledge to get her to cum. I want it more than anything, to feel her cum. I curl my fingers inside her, twist my wrist to get at her g-spot, vibrate my hand as best I can, rub my heel of my palm against her clit…and her moans become a babble of “Oh, god. Oh fuck. Dean, fuck,” and her eyes squeeze shut and I can feel her getting wetter and she’s so fucking close and I can’t fucking wait to see her-

There it is!

Her whole body arches off the bed, her pussy muscles fluttering around my fingers, and she’s got this blissed-out look on her face and I fucking put it there! Gorgeous.

She pants up at me for a few moments as I slow my pumps of my fingers.

She rolls away from me as soon as I pull my hand away and runs into the bathroom. Shower turns on and I stare at my hand…covered in her. I roll off the bed and grab my bottle. I take a drink, let it wash everything away…then I lick my fingers. She’s kinda sour, kinda sweet. She’s amazing…tastes like…lemon custard pie.

I settle back on the bed and try to finish watching the movie and then…

Sunlight stabs my eyes…hangover takes my head. Too much. Drank too much.

“Dad’s on his way back. You know he doesn’t like you drinking so much so…I’d clean myself up if I were you,” Y/n says as I sit up. She’s looking at me with…apprehension? Not fear, but caution. Weird.

“He’s just afraid I’m gonna bypass him on level of alcoholism. Then he won’t be the Winchester big dog anymore.” I stretch and look around for my bourbon. The bottle’s empty on the carpet next to the bed. Damn. Drank way too much. It’s gonna have to be the tequila tonight, I guess. I look over at Y/n again as I toss the bottle at the trashcan.

She’s on Dad’s bed, which is weird ‘cause wasn’t I supposed to sleep on that bed? She’s completely dressed, down to her boots, jacket on and zipped, sitting with her knees hugged to her chest. She’s still kinda glaring at me without glaring.

“I keep you up or somethin’, sister? If my drunken antics deprived you of sleep, I am real sorry,” I say, walking into the bathroom to brush my teeth. There’s something sour in my mouth and I kinda like it but I don’t know what it is so…

“You don’t remember?” she asks, quietly, and I shake my head which is a bad idea because it just makes me dizzy.

“'Member what? I say somethin’ stupid or somethin’?” She doesn’t say anything for a long moment and I raise my eyebrow. “Y/n? What is it?”

She swallows and looks away, shaking her head a little. “N-nothing. No big. You just…it’s nothing. Y-you just needed a ni-night to get crazy, I guess. No point in being upset about something you don’t remember.”

“I got crazy?” I ask, spitting toothpaste foam into the sink. “Kinda crazy?”

She gives me a tight smile and shakes her head firmly. “No, it’s not important, Dean. It’s fine.”

I shrug and rinse my mouth out. Must not have been too crazy. “Dad give you an ETA?”

“Two hours.”

“Awesome. Let’s walk over to that diner down the street, see if they’ve got any pie. I’m really feelin’ a lemon cream pie for some reason.”


	6. Cold

**Summary**: Dean's twin has started drinking and flirting with everyone. Obviously, she's not taking Sam's departure very well. _(23 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts, Dean being a pervy young man, heavy drinking, Dean 'protecting' his sister...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was easier when Y/n didn't drink. I didn't have to watch her so close at the bars to make sure she wasn't being taken advantage of. It was also easier when she hung at a table with me instead of dancing around the whole of the room talking to everyone...guys used to assume we were together and leave her alone.

Now she barely wants to be around me. It's kinda bullshit that Sammy leaves us and Y/n's response is "Fuck my twin brother, I wanna be as distant as I can get while sitting right behind him in this car."

I can't even describe what's different. She's still there. She's still right fucking there, but she just...isn't right there. 

It's weird to say I miss her, but I do. She's right there, fifty feet away leaning over the jukebox, and I miss her. Maybe that's why the dreams came back full force last year.

There were _ years _where I only had a few. A couple dreams I couldn't stop that made things a little extra uncomfortable for a few days and then everything would go back to normal. Not this year. This year I've been having them every few days. Two or three a week. Hotter than ever before. It's like I can hear her moaning, taste her tongue, feel her cunt squeezing around my fingers. All because she decided to pull away from me.

A tall guy in a leather jacket walks over to the jukebox and starts up a conversation with her. He’s pointing at different songs and making her laugh. Another douchebag trying to use her for the night and leave her in the morning. Another asshole that I’ve gotta save her from...and she’s never gonna know.

“You’re gonna leave,” I say, walking up to the guy as he heads for the bathroom. He’s got hazel eyes and thin lips. “And you’re gonna leave alone.”

“Excuse me?” he asks, like he can’t believe what I’m saying. 

“You heard me, man. You’re not takin' her home with you," I reiterate and he scoffs, curling his lips into an ugly sneer.

"I think that's for her to decide, don't you?"

"I think my sister is drunk and it's well within my rights as her brother to keep assholes like you from taking advantage."

"She's not _ that _ drunk," he argues.

"She's drunk enough to fall for your lines, means she's too drunk." The dickbag opens his mouth to argue again but I don't wanna hear it so I pull my jacket outta the way and make sure he can see my Colt. "Walk away. She's not worth this trouble to you, is she?"

His eyes go wide and he cringes away from me, a wet spot spreading across the front of his jeans. "Nah, dude! I-I don't want any trouble!"

That was easy.

"Leave out the back so she doesn't see you. You don't want her to see you pissed yourself, anyway." He nods and runs like a bitch as I go back to the table. It's half an hour later that she slides into the booth on the opposite side, a disheartened look on her face. "What's wrong, sister?"

"Nothing's wrong, D." She takes a drink of her whiskey and scans the bar for Piss-pants.

She never calls me 'brother' anymore. It's always my name or initial. 

"How'd I know I'd find you two in the closest bar?" Dad's voice makes me stiffen and Y/n straightens in her seat.

"You sayin' we're predictable, Dad?" I ask, turning to look at him as he approaches on my left.

"I'm sayin' you're a drunk," he snaps. "And a bad influence on your sister."

"Like you got any room to talk," I mutter into my bourbon.

"You say something, son?" Dad asks and I smile up at him.

"No, sir."

"Drowning our troubles in booze is a learned behavior. I learned from Dean," she says, standing. "Where do you think _ he _learned it, Dad?"

"Excuse me?" he asks and there's that angry fire in his eyes he used to get with Sammy.

"You can't come in here with your fucking high horse when you've been drunk since we were four."

"And now you're exhibiting your little brother's attitude," Dad growls at her and I move to get between them as she lurches forward, sneering.

"You don't talk about him! You're the reason I can't go see him, can't talk to him! You're the reason I don't know where he is or how he's doing for the first time in that kid's entire fucking life! It's your fault!" she explodes. Well, at least she's still passionate about something.

I put a hand on her shoulder and pull her away from Dad, who didn't even flinch. "Take a walk, Y/n. Get some air."

She glares at him a minute longer before snatching her jacket off of the booth seat and stomping away. Dad watches her go, a bit of softness taking over his eyes when he knows she can't see him anymore. "We miss 'im...and if you hadn't-"

"He made his choice, Dean. He chose to leave and-"

"_ You _ cut him off. You told him to stay gone." I shake my head and lick my lips. "And I get it. Can't have a hunter life and a normal one but...she's right, Dad. We don't even know if the kid is okay, if he's doing good in California. And because of the way you left things with him, we can't know. We _ won't _ know."

Dad's quiet for a few minutes before he sighs. "Go get your sister, get some coffee in 'er. We're pulling out and heading for Virginia. Got a call about a possible haunting."

I nod and look down. "Yes, sir."

She's laying on the hood of the Impala staring at the sky when I find her. "He's never been alone this long before. He's always had us," she says, not looking at me. "Ya think he made friends? Joined a frat? Ya think he signed up for Women's Studies to meet chicks?"

I slide onto the hood next to her. "Sammy's never had any trouble making friends...or meeting girls. Can't get 'em once he meets 'em but that's not my problem."

"He's okay, right?"

"Of course he is." I reach over and take her hand. She lets me hold it for a few minutes, my thumb sweeping across the back of her hand. She pulls away suddenly and rolls off the hood, looking away from me.

"Dad's back so we're leaving, right? I'll make coffee, you can pack the car," she says walking toward the motel down the block. 

A shiver runs down my spine as I watch her walk and I don't know if it's from the cold of the mountain air or the cold of my sister's actions.


	7. Support

**Summary**: Sam’s back. Y/n is helping him as best she can. Dean’s a bit jealous that his sister doesn’t support him anymore. _(26 years old at the start, 28 after the time jump)_

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts, angst, jealousy, Sam dying sads.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam's lanky body is wrapped around Y/n's small one. He's using her boobs as pillows and I really wanna be upset about it, but damn...it's the only way the kid gets more than two hours of sleep at a clip these days. Y/n's calming and supportive and she curbs his nightmares so I can't get mad about that.

I can get mad that she doesn't calm _my _nightmares anymore, and that she doesn't let me calm hers. I can get mad that she's being the perfect sister since Sam's girl went up in flames but she won't even talk to me about the fact that seeing Jessica on that ceiling gave us both flashbacks to the night Mom died.

But I shouldn't, right? Shouldn't get mad because we have Sammy back and we're gonna find Dad and everything is gonna go back to the way it was before...before Sam left and everything got fucked up. Maybe we can fix things. Maybe I can get my sister back now that we've got our brother back.

He starts whimpering in his sleep, snuggling closer to Y/n. "Jessica,” he says and his voice cracks. Y/n wakes up and starts shushing him, rubbing her hand up and down his spine. 

"Five hours. That's a record," I say quietly. 

"He's not really awake yet. Maybe he'll get a few more," she says.

"He will be. When he gets to the part of the dream when she bursts into flame like Mom did," I respond.

"Don't be so callous, D."

"I'm sorry. Should I have said 'the part of the dream where the love of his life was viciously murdered right in front of his eyes in the exact same way his mother was'? That better?" She rolls her eyes and Sam starts to blink his open. "Told ya. Five hours."

He lets out a deep sigh and sits up, running his hand down his face. "How long was I out?" he asks.

"Not long enough," she answers and I know she's just as worried about him as I am. "Why don't you lie back down, Sammy?"

Sam shakes his head. Of course not. "Nah, I'm good. I'm...gonna go for a run."

I lay back with my arms tucked behind my head and close my eyes while Sam gets dressed to go for his morning run. Y/n will shower and then she’ll go for breakfast. Sam’s only been back a month and they’ve already settled into a routine. We used to have a routine.

God, why can’t I just let this go? We grew apart. Sam left and shit got hard and we grew apart. That happens, right? We spent our whole lives stuck like glue and she just needs...space. She’s needed four years of space and now she’s getting close to Sam again. That’s fine. Sam needs it more than I do.

I miss the way we used to be, though. I miss me and Y/n making things good for Sammy. I can fix things with her, though. I can...fix everything.

She’s in the shower and I’ve got the urge to peep like I used to. But I don’t. I stay on the bed. I try to drift off. But I don’t. I think about the way she got drunk last night, rubbing herself against this Army Ranger to the beat of a pop song. I think about how jealous I felt, how I triggered a panic in Sammy to get her attention on him instead of the G.I. Joe. It wasn’t hard, just an innocent musing about the different programs at Stanford, an emphasis on the medical school.

“Breakfast burritos or sausage sandwiches?” she asks when she walks out of the bathroom.

“What do you think?” I ask, and it’s part sarcasm and part wanting to know if she still has that twin ESP.

“Burritos, it is.” Exactly what I wanted. Guess she does still know what I like.

I sit up and look at her. “Hey. I think it’s good what you’re doin’ for Sammy.”

“What?” she asks as she leans down to slip on her sneakers.

“You know...laying with him so he can sleep, offering him a drink when you think his stress is too high, that kinda shit,” I answer.

“That’s what sisters do.”

“For Sam,” I mutter under my breath.

“What was that?” she asks and I smile innocently.

“What was what?”

"Right. I'll be back with breakfast in fifteen."

I watch her leave and sigh. It's not her fault. Why am I bitching at her? She's being supportive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n's so fucking supportive. So patient and loving to Sammy, but what did she do when he died? Fucking _nothing_! She sobbed over his body and begged him to wake up but she did nothing to fix it!

And now I'm the asshole. I'm the one who threw away the gift Dad gave me to bring Sammy back. I couldn't leave him like that and she fucking knows it!

"A year?!" she whispers, harshly. "You threw away your life and sentenced your soul to eternal torture and you only got a year?!"

"Yeah, I got a fuckin' year, which is two more years than I should have had," I remind her. 

Her eyes go wide and angry. "You think this is what Dad saved you for?"

"You _know _what Dad saved me for...because he couldn't stand the idea that he might have to put down his favorite son so he-"

"_Child_. Sammy was his favorite, full stop." She looks away and lets out an angry breath. "I can't believe you made a demon deal. You _idiot_."

"Look, I got a year, can you act like my twin sister for once and stop raggin' on me?"

Her eyes go wide again and she looks down. Like she hasn't noticed she's been being a massive bitch. "I'm not ragging on you, D. But you had to know-"

"I couldn't let him stay gone, Y/n! That kid's all we got." We don't even have each other anymore and I know she's gotta feel that. Sam is all we have. "I need you to support me on this, sister."

Her lip curls into a sneer and she looks in my eyes. For a second, I think I see tears but they're gone as soon as she blinks. "You just traded me one loss for another."

"Oh, come on. We both know you were more ate up about Sammy dyin' than you are about me goin' to Hell," I snap and her eyes fill with anger. Guess I offended her. 

"You think so highly of me," she spits out. 

"I think better of you than you'll ever know, but we both know that Sammy's _your _favorite, too."

She looks even more pissed at that, but she doesn't fight it, doesn't deny a word of it. "You want my support, D.? You want me to have your back when Bobby and Sam figure out what you've done and come down on you about it?"

"Yes! Is that so much to ask of my twin?"

She nods. "Yeah, it is. It is a _lot _to ask." She sniffles and steps back on the porch. “But I’ll do it...because I do support you, Dean, and I don’t play favorites.”

I sigh as she disappears into the squat we’ve been staying in. She has been playing favorites, but I’m not gonna argue. We’ve gotta deal with the demon and the soldier who stuck a knife in Sam’s back.


	8. Hell

**Summary: **Dean’s back from Hell. Sam’s missing and Bobby’s set Y/n up with another hunter so she won’t be working alone. Of course, it doesn’t take long for Dean to get his family back. _(29 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts, angst, jealousy, Dean being a manipulative jerk

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam’s number is disconnected. Y/n’s phone goes straight to voicemail. Bobby hangs up on me…twice. I steal some money, some food and a car and head up to Sioux Falls. Bobby will understand when he sees me. He’ll know I’m me and he’ll help me run down my siblings. My brain is full of Hell as I drive, flashes of memories of torture and fire and pain. I just need to find my family…everything will be all right when I find my family.

Bobby welcomes me with open arms, after he makes sure I’m not a demon or a revenant or a ghoul.

“But that don’t make a lick of sense,” Bobby says, walking into his library.

I wipe at the holy water on my face and nod in agreement. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re preachin’ to the choir.”

“Dean. Your chest was ribbons, your insides were slop.” I rub a hand across my chest to confirm that it’s still intact. “And you’ve been buried for _four months_. Even if you _could _slip outta Hell and back into yer meat suit-”

“I know, I should look like a ‘Thriller’ video reject.”

“What do you remember?” Bobby asks, and there’s no room for the truth there. Because I remember every fucking second of it. From the moment Lilith let that dog in to the moment I woke up in that pine box. The only part of it that’s unclear is _how _I ended up in that box.

“Uh, not much,” I lie. “I remember I was a Hellhound’s chew toy, and then…lights out. Then I come to six feet under. That was it.” Bobby eases into his desk chair and I ask the question I’ve been mulling for hours. “Sam’s number’s not working. He’s, uh…he’s not…”

“Oh, he’s alive. Far as I know.”

Thank God. I start walking around the desk. “Good…Wait, what do you mean, as far as you know?” I ask. How does he not know?

“I haven’t talked to him for months.”

“W-well, um…what about Y/n? She keepin’ you up to date about where they are and what they’ve been doing?”

“Y/n ain’t with Sam.” My eyes go wide. They can’t be hunting solo, that’s the worst idea ever. “He went off by himself an’ I hooked Y/n up with a hunter I know outta Boston so she wouldn’t be alone.”

I guess it’s good she’s not alone, but fuck, Sam shouldn’t be alone, either. “You’re kidding. You just let him go off by himself?”

“He was dead set on it,” Bobby says, standing.

“Bobby, you should’ve been looking after him,” I insist.

“I tried. These last months haven’t been easy, ya know. For them _or _me. We had to bury you.”

“Why _did _you bury me, anyway?”

“Y/n and I wanted you salted and burned, usual drill.” I nod. That’s what they should have done. “But…Sam wouldn’t have it,” Bobby finishes.

“Well, I’m glad he won that one.”

“He said you’d need a body when he got you back home somehow.” What? “That’s about _all _he said.”

“What do you mean?” I ask and I’m thinkin’ about all the different ways Sam could have got me home and none of them are good.

“He was quiet. Real quiet. And then he just took off. Wouldn’t return my calls. I tried to find him, but he didn’t want to be found.”

I turn and rub a hand across my forehead, thinking about the dead trees where I came up. “Oh, dammit, Sammy.”

“What?”

“Oh, he got me home okay. But whatever he did, it is bad mojo.”

“What makes you so sure?” Bobby asks.

“You should have seen the grave site. It was like a nuke went off. And then there was this…this force, this presence, I don’t know, but it, it blew past me at a fill-up joint.” Those windows blowing out and the booming sounds. “And then this.” I toss the towel aside and pull my arm out of my overshirt, and flip my shirt sleeve up to show the handprint on my arm.

Bobby’s eyes go wide and he stands. “What in the hell?”

“It’s like a demon just yanked me out. Or rode me out,” I say as Bobby leans in.

“But why?”

“To hold up their end of the bargain,” I answer.

“You think Sam made a deal,” Bobby guesses.

I nod. “It’s what I would have done.” It’s what I _did_. I rub my hand down my face and sigh. “Okay. I am gonna take a shower. You still got that duffel of clothes I left here?”

“Yeah. Couldn’t get rid of it.”

“Awesome.” I start for the stairs but my brain falls on Y/n…off with some hunter from Boston…with a dead cell phone. “Hey, uh…who you got my sister with?”

“His name’s Jesse O’Reilly. He’s good people, been huntin’ half his life. She’s in good hands.”

I nod. That makes me feel a little better. “Okay. She kept you up to date? You talk to her recently?”

“A week and a half ago. They were headin’ to Jalisco, Guadalajara for a shifter hunt,” Bobby says.

“Mexico. Damn. Kinda jealous. I could go for some cervezas and senoritas, right now.”

“I’ll try to get her on the horn while you’re in the shower,” Bobby says. I’m a bit disappointed ‘cause I really wanna hear Y/n’s voice, but I nod and run up to Bobby’s bathroom. I shower quick, finally getting the smell of graveyard dirt off of me, and get dressed in clean clothes. I run my hand over the mark on my arm and examine it in the mirror. What kind of demon did that?

“You get ahold of Y/n?” I ask as I enter the kitchen.

“Yeah, they’re still in Mexico. It’s gonna be a couple days before they can get up here.”

“A week and Y/n hasn’t ganked the shifter?” I chuckle as I pull open the fridge. “Must be losin’ her edge with me gone.”

“Actually, all accounts it’s the opposite, boy,” Bobby says and I look at him with my eyebrows low. “She’s been huntin’ like a machine, Dean. Werewolves, vampires, shifters, ghosts in every corner of the country. In the last four months, she and Jesse have put down more monsters than I can ever remember her puttin’ down when she was runnin’ with you and Sam.”

“Well, then why’s she still in Mexico?”

“Vacation?” Bobby suggests, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Said she finished the shifter three days ago.”

“_Vacation_? With this Jesse guy? She’s never taken a vacation in her life,” I say, confused. Why would she take her first vacation when I’m in Hell? “She doesn’t even do Vegas week, Bobby. Holes up in a motel while Sammy and I lose our shirts in Lost Wages.”

Bobby shrugs. “Get the feeling they probably wanted some alone time in Costalegre.”

Rage paralyzes me for a minute. My twin sister, my other half, is sitting on a beach in Mexico with some other man, having a romantic vacation while I was down in Hell being tortured for the crime of loving our fucking brother? “So, she’s…” The words don’t come. I can’t fucking say it. I can’t ask if she’s fucking this guy.

“Yeah. Jesse started ravin’ about her as soon as I put ‘em together. Call me ‘Cupid’, I guess,” he says.

I have never wanted to put my fist through Bobby’s face more than I do right now. Call him Cupid? I’ll call him a bastard! I can’t believe he would do this! She’s _mine_!

I take a deep breath and turn back to the fridge. She’s not mine. She’s _not _mine. Fuck, maybe I deserved to be in Hell. I definitely deserved to be in Hell.

“Well, good for her. ‘Bout time, I guess.” I can’t focus on what I’m looking for as I say that. Every word of that is a lie.

Bobby and I find Sam, then Bobby takes us to meet a psychic. Pam is sexually aggressive and I kinda love that…and I kinda don’t. I wanna bury my pain in her muscular, tight fuckin’ body, fuck her until I forget Hell and the fact that Y/n’s been fuckin’ some douchebag hunter…but thinking about giving it to Pam makes me think about Y/n getting it from some asshole she barely fuckin’ knows.

Whatever pulled me out of Hell, it burns Pam’s eyes out of her skull and then it blows all the glass out of our motel room. Bobby and I summon the thing. An angel. Something that claims it’s an angel, anyway. Castiel…who comes to me in a dream after a bunch of ghosts try to put us down. Castiel, who tells me that Lilith is trying to open the locks on Lucifer’s cage and _I’m _supposed to stop her.

I’ve just finished telling Sam what Castiel said when there’s a knock on the door. “I got it,” I call out, walking over to the front door. I can’t help but smile as I open the door to see Y/n. She looks mildly shocked to see me, but ultimately happy…I think. Y/n’s been hard to read for years. “Well, you look like you’ve seen a ghost, sister.”

“Dean.” Her voice is musical, full of awe. “I can’t believe-” She steps up to me and wraps her arms around me, her head resting against my chest. It’s the most loving embrace she’s given me in years. I hold her tight to me, close my eyes at the feel of her warmth against my body. I don’t wanna let her go, but she pulls back and looks up into my eyes, tears shining in hers. “How?” she whispers.

“Well…long story, but…you still believe in angels?”

“Well, she still prays ev’ry night, if that manes anything to ya,” an Irish accent says and I look over her head to the owner. He’s tall and skinny and he’s got a hoop earring in his ear. Dark brown hair that’s shaggy like Sammy’s and big blue eyes. _This _is who she’s with? This dick?

“Oh, Dean. This…this is Jesse, my boyfriend. Jesse, my twin brother…back from Hell,” she introduces, stepping back and grabbing his hand.

I brace myself because I know he’s gonna go for a handshake with his free hand. I know I wanna cut that hand off because it’s touched Y/n. I wanna cut his dick off, too. Pluck those blue eyes out of his skull, pull his teeth out with pliers-

“Nice ta meet ya, Dane. I’ve haired all about’cha,” he says, reaching his hand out.

I smile and take it. “Wish I could say the same, man, but all Bobby had to say was ‘Jesse O’Reilly out of Boston, he’s good people’.” I have to fight not to crush his hand…oh, but I want to. “Didn’t know you had a cool accent. My sister’s always had a thing for accents. Irish, right?”

“Yeah. Me mum came over from Dublin when she was a lass,” Jesse says, pulling his hand away. “She had cousins in Boston so, that’s where she ended up.”

“Sounds like the American dream. You been in the life long?”

“Since ma girl’s daughter got eaten by a witch. Drained the life outta her right in front'a me. Nothin’ I could do ‘bout it.”

Boohoo. My mom burned _and_ my little brother was almost eaten by a shtriga. “Yeah. Kids goin’ is the worst way to get in.” I lick my lips and clear my throat. “Well, I was just about to go on a supply run. Bobby’s a little low on edible food and potent potables so…” I look at Y/n, begging with my eyes. “Come with me? I’d love to catch up on your last four months.”

Jesse squeezes her hand and leans down to kiss her. I have to look away, but I see her go to her tiptoes and wrap her arm around his neck for leverage. When she pulls away, she’s breathing heavily, like she put every ounce of herself into that kiss. “I love you,” she whispers and fuck, it never sounds like that when she says it to me.

“Tá mo chroí istigh ionat, my ashtore,” he says. And great, he speaks Gaelic. Y/n must love that shit.

She’s blushing when she turns away from him. Such a beautiful sight. “We’ll be back soon. Why don’t you go give Bobby and Sam their presents?”

“Nice talkin’ to ya, Lucky Charms,” I say because I can’t fucking resist the jab. Y/n glares a little bit, but doesn’t say anything as she heads out to the Impala. The arm of her plaid overshirt shifts down and I can see a thick pink scar peeking out of the neckline of her tank top. “Whoa, where’d that come from?” I reach out to touch it but she flinches and twists away from me.

“It’s nothing, D. Just a battle scar.” She yanks her shirt back into place and pulls open Baby’s passenger door. I look at her through the windshield for a minute after she takes her place, beaming inside. Right where she belongs. My two loves. The two most beautiful things in my life. Resilient and strong and beautiful…and always there for me.

“So…you and Jesse…ya seem pretty close. Closer than you should be for only knowin’ the guy a couple months,” I say as I pull away from Bobby’s house.

“Yeah. Known each other only four months but it seems like we’ve been together for years.” I look over and she’s smiling. It’s soft and just fucking…lovely. “He filled a hole in my soul I didn’t know was there, ya know?”

“Oh, did he?” Doubt that. Not right, anyway. Round peg in a square hole because I’m the one that’s got the other half of her fucking soul. Me, not that skinny Irish piece of trash.

“Yeah. I’ve never clicked with a guy the way I clicked with Jesse. It’s like he sees me and…loves me, flaws and all.”

She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She’s flawless. “I dunno. You an’ I used to click pretty perfectly.”

She stiffens, looks a bit sad, and looks away from me. Why does she act like that when I bring up how close we used to be? “That’s different. We’re twins.”

“Yeah, but still…we were…I see you, sister.”

She sighs heavily, pushing the air out her nostrils. “It’s _different_, Dean. It’s just…It’s different.”

“If you say so, sister.”

“I just _did_, brother.”

I look over and she’s smirking…and she called me ‘brother’…hasn’t done that in years. Seems like she’s in a good mood. “So, Bobby said you’ve been goin’ nuts on the monsters recently. You been huntin’ like crazy since you shacked up with Jesse?”

“Yeah. It’s like fate keeps throwing these irresistible cases our way. I’ve been kinda loving it.”

“Yeah? And which one of these irresistible cases put the battle scar on your back?” I ask, reaching over to run my fingers down her spine.

“It doesn’t matter, Dean. Seriously. You’ve got worse scars than-”

“Not anymore. Plucked out of Hell and born anew, sister. I got no scars, just a handprint from Castiel,” I say.

“What does that mean?”

“I’ll show you when we stop. The, uh, angel that pulled me out, his name’s Castiel. Grabbed my arm and tossed me back into my newly refurbished meatsuit. So every inch of my body, with the exception of the handprint on my arm…I am 100%.”

“Must be nice. No scars, no broken bones that healed wrong, no torn muscle tissues from a dozen dislocated shoulders. All the things you’ve done washed away from your body.” Her voice is reflective, like she’s wishing there were things she’s done she could wash away. “Must be nice.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I whisper, wondering what she wishes to wash away.

We spend the entire time we’re walking the grocery store talking about her summer and everything she tells me about this Jesse guy makes me want to throttle him more. I don’t know if it’s the way she says his name like a word of prayer or if it’s the sparkle in her eyes that hasn’t been there since we were kids…I just don’t like how much of herself she’s puttin’ into this guy.

As we’re standing in the checkout line, she starts singing softly. Always loved her voice. She used to pull out the guitar at Bobby’s and play the Beatles, sing along with the guitar, but I have no idea what she’s singing now.

”_Kinda like a lost and found, in a border town. You’re askin’ 'bout a diamond ring. They just look at you, like you lost your mind, say they haven’t seen a thing. Well, I know she’s been here lately. I can still smell her perfume. And she gets crazy, on a full moon_,“ she sings and it’s beautiful but it’s just…not her.

"What is that?” I ask as I start loading the belt with beer and bread and chips and pie.

“Oh! Brooks and Dunn. It’s all Jesse plays in the truck. I like the Kix Brooks songs better. He doesn’t get to showcase his voice as much, but I think his is more unique,” she says.

I turn to her and blink a few times. “Wait, so…the Irish boy from _Boston _has you listening to cowboy music?”

“You remember we’re from Kansas, right?” she says, all sass and humor.

“Yeah, and you know what the band, Kansas, produces? Not twangy bullshit, that’s for sure,” I argue.

“It’s not all twangy bullshit, Dean.” She laughs as she starts loading stuff on the belt. “Brooks and Dunn is a _lot _of twang, though.”

“When’s the last time you got to rock out, huh?”

She looks at me, pointedly. “April. It was April.”

Right. Driving to Sam’s zombie that wasn’t…she looked like she wasn’t worried for the first time since I ditched her to go to the Crossroads and make the deal for Sammy. Let go and belted out Crazy Train with me from the backseat. It almost felt like things were okay…for just a minute.

“Well, why don’t I pop in the Styx cassette when we get back to the car, we can Sail Away on the way back to Bobby’s, get that country crap outta your head?”

She smiles as she drops a bag of frozen burger patties on the belt. “If you’re gonna get Brooks and Dunn outta my head, it’s gonna take more than Mr. Roboto to do it.”

I nod. “Okay. What do you need, sister?” I will make it happen.

“Immigrant Song, brother.” She shines as she speaks and I think she picked Zeppelin just for me, but I’m not mad about it.

“I would love to scream out some Zeppelin with you,” I say and she smiles. Love that smile.

“So, do you…remember it?” she asks as we put the bags in the backseat.

“Hell?” I ask and she nods, looking over the top of the Impala at me. “Nah. I bit it and then I woke up. There’s not much in between.” I hate to lie to her. I’ve spent so much of our lives lying to her but it’s always been about one thing, about how I love her…how I want her. I think lying about this is the same, though. I lie to keep her safe and happy…keep her from hating me, keep her close enough to sing Zeppelin at top volume on the way back to Bobby’s house.

I love her so much and she’s pulled away so far already. Lying is the only way I don’t lose her completely.

I’m working on Baby’s engine, giving her a much-needed tune-up, when I hear footsteps. Too light to be Bobby or Sam, too heavy to be Y/n.

“Oh, Dane. I was lookin’ fer ya,” Jesse says, walking around the Impala to stand next to me.

“Ya found me,” I respond, not looking at him.

“Right, well…I was gonna ask Bobby, but now that yer back…I know how close twins are, figured you were the better man ta talk to.”

“About?” I straighten and look at him.

“Well, I-I know I haven’t known 'er more than four months, but you gotta know that yer sister is somethin’ real special. Never met a lass makes me feel like 'er.” I set the socket wrench aside and lick my lips. Of course I know how special she is. Too special for him. “And I can’t help but think about what yer angel said about Lilith bringin’ 'bout tha end times and I figure 'why wait?’.”

Why wait? Why wait for what?

He pulls out a folded-up piece of paper and hands it to me. “That’s almost a perfect replica of the ring my gran-da got my gran-mum custom-made in Claddagh.”

I unfold the paper. It’s a printout of an ebay page, a silver ring with a crowned garnet heart being held by a pair of hands. Is this a fucking engagement ring? “Is this a fucking engagement ring?”

“Yeah!” the idiot exclaims, a big stupid grin on his face. “A traditional Irish Claddagh ring. Yer sister means everything to me and I-”

“No, she doesn’t,” I interrupt, folding the paper and handing it back to him. “She means so much to you that you wanna come to me with 'why wait’ and a used internet auction ring?”

He looks confused for a minute. Like he doesn’t understand why I’m telling him 'no’…and I have to figure out a real reason to explain it because “You can’t have her because she’s mine” probably won’t go over too well.

“She’s the most amazing woman in the world but that’s not why you wanna marry her, Jesse.” I sit on the edge of the car and look at my boots. “You think the Apocalypse is coming and Y/n’s the one you’re with so why not tie the knot, right? But what happens when we win, huh? When we put a stop to Lilith’s plans and end the End and you’re hitched to my sister’s wagon and you decide you want your freedom back?”

“I love Y/n! I won’t-”

“You said 'why wait?’. You mentioned Castiel and the end times and said 'why wait?’.” I pick the wrench back up and twirl it in my hand. Menacing if you’re a little bitch…which he is. “You’re gonna break my sister’s heart, man. You’re gonna leave her because you don’t _really _want to be with her for the rest of your life, and when you do…I’m gonna be there.”

I look up and catch his eyes. “And I’m gonna teach you the pain I learned in Hell. The kinda pain you never forget.” I really fucking love the fear in his eyes right now. “You ever seen somebody get scalped, Jesse?”

“Thought you didn’t remember Hell?” he whispers, taking a step back.

“You think I could forget that? You think in a thousand years I could forget being torn to pieces, over and over for decades? I told Sam and Y/n I can’t remember because it’s better for _them _if I don’t remember this shit, but you?” I shake my head. “You mean _nothing _so I don’t care if you know the truth. I picked up some tricks down there, Jesse, and in a while when you destroy my other half I’m gonna destroy you right back.”

“Y-you…I’m sorry,” he whispers before turning tail and running away. I was right. A little bitch. I turn back to the engine and continue my work.

To his credit, he gives it a couple hours to roll around in his head before I hear the engine of that Toyota Tacoma roar to life and he drives off. I slam the hood of my Baby and walk inside. Sam is holding Y/n tight, sitting on Bobby’s couch, letting her cry into his chest. “What happened?”

“Jesse left me!” Her words are muffled by Sam’s chest but I understand them just fine. “H-he said he can’t handle how intense and crazy my life is around my family! What does that even mean?”

“Well, your twin brother was just resurrected by an angel who pulled his ass out of Hell. I could see where that might be considered ‘intense’,” I answer, moving to the other side of her to sit beside her. “He’s an idiot if he doesn’t want to stay…and a coward.”

She doesn’t flinch away when I rub her back but she doesn’t leave Sam’s arms either. I’ll take the small victory. “You still got us, though. You got me and Sammy an’ Bobby.”

“I thought he was the One,” she cries.

_I’m _the One. Right beside you, sister. I’m the one who’s got your soul. “The One’s a myth, Y/n, and if it were real…you think some cowboy wannabe with a hoop in his ear is gonna be it for you?”

“I just don’t understand why!” She buried her face in Sam’s shirt more and I rub my hand down her spine.

Bobby walks up with a bottle of bourbon and hands it to her. “Men are stupid, girl. Sometimes there ain’t a ‘why’. But you best believe he’s gonna get a piece of my mind fer treatin’ you like this.”

I don’t want Bobby to talk to him, find out it’s my fault he cut but before I can think of a valid objection, Y/n twists the top off the bourbon and shakes her head. “Nah. He doesn’t wanna be with me? Fuck ‘im. I don’t need him.” She takes a drink and wipes her eyes. “I got my family back.”

It reminds me of the first time I chased a worthless piece of shit away from my other half. She rewarded me with a kiss back then but I don’t think that’ll happen now…and that’s okay because I’m out of Hell and we’ve got our family back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	9. Home

**Summary**: Dean’s trying to keep his promise to Sam, trying to stay with Lisa and live the apple pie life, but sometimes he just needs to hear his sister’s voice. _(32 years old)_

**Pairing**: Dean x reader (pining), Dean x Lisa

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts, angst, **18+! HERE BE SEX!! DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up at dawn, earlier than Lisa, way earlier than Ben. It doesn't happen often. Usually I'm up late and Lisa's up early because it's been hard to let go of the night owl lifestyle that comes with hunting.

Every few weeks, though, I wake up first. I always make my coffee, eat a protein bar, and head for the garage. I pull the cover off'a my baby and sit behind the wheel. I don't turn her on, the engine is loud enough to wake the whole house, but I take in the sight of her. I take in the smell of the leather and the memories that flow over me.

Memories of Sam and Y/n, memories of Dad. The three sets of initials carved in the back, the army man stuck in the ashtray, Y/n passed out after a long hunt with her head on my shoulder, Sam with his laptop across his lap.

I reach over and pull open the glove box, grabbing the cell phone that's right there on top. I plug it in to a portable battery pack and wait for it to power up.

Sometimes she doesn't answer. When she does, the conversation is always short. I think she's trying to let me have my normal life with Lisa. She wants me to have my apple pie, but I don't even want that. Not really...not with Lisa.

It rings twice before it clicks. "Hey," I greet, leaning back against the leather.

"It's 5am in Indiana, Dean. What are you doing awake?" she asks, and fuck, I've missed her voice.

"What are  _ you  _ doing awake?" I counter and it takes her a minute to reply.

"I wasn't."

"Liar."

She scoffs and chuckles. "Yeah. Couldn't sleep." She doesn't elaborate and she doesn't need to. I know she's having the same nightmares of the Apocalypse I do. Visions of Sam and Lucifer, of the earth opening up and swallowing one of the only things we've ever loved.

"So...you on a job?" I ask, a bit desperate for her voice. I know she won’t stay on long and I shouldn’t either, but I need to hear her.

"I'm not gonna answer that. You aren't supposed to be thinking about hunting. You promised Sam-"

"That I'd get out. That I'd do the normal thing with Lisa. That I’d let him rot in the Cage. I  _ never  _ said I'd forget monsters existed or that my twin is still killing them," I snap. I hear her sigh and I relax further into the seat. "Look, at least tell me you aren't hunting alone. Tell me you got Bobby watching your six or something."

"I'm far from alone, D. I'm hunting with a group. Born and raised hunters like us. They know what they're doing. I'm safe." I scoff at 'safe'. She's still hunting and she's hundreds of miles away from me. She's not safe. "Fine. I'm  _ okay _ . How's that?"

"Closer to true," I answer. 

"So, how's the simple life? You happy? Lisa treating you well? You gonna put a ring on it?" she rattles off.

It makes me pause. Six months we've been having these calls. Six months I've been living with Lisa, being a surrogate father to Ben. Six months of sneaking away to call the most important woman in my world. Six months of wishing Y/n was the one waking me up with her morning bathroom routine, instead of Lisa. Six months, and this is the first time she's asked if I'm happy. It's the first time I've questioned it, myself.

The short answer is no.

I'm bored out of my mind, and I miss Y/n, and I'm still mourning Sam. I hate my 9 to 5 and I hate PTA meetings and I hate how I feel so out of place in the home I've made here. My home is on the other end of this call.

The long answer is maybe I don't know how happy's supposed to feel. Maybe this longing and misery bubbling under the surface are just part of what happy is.

"Of course I'm happy. The normal life is everything Sammy said it was," I lie, forcing a smile to make sure she can't hear the falseness in my voice. "Lisa's great. She treats me a lot better than I deserve, I'll tell you that much. I don't know about a ring. Haven't ever really seen myself as the marrying kind, ya know?" The one person I would promise forever to, I could never marry.

"That's good. I'm, uh, glad you're happy," she says and there's a bit of a strain to be voice. 

"Wh-what about you, huh? You find another Lucky Charms in that group you're hunting with?" Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.

"Ugh, no! They're like family. Guess I’m not the marrying kind, either.” She sounds a bit heartbroken.

“ _ Who are you- _ ” comes through before a shuffling sound and Y/n shushing someone. Who the fuck was that? One of this group she’s running with? Why would she shush ‘em?

“Everything okay?” I ask.

“Y-yeah. Everything’s fine, D. I-I gotta go, though. We’re about to pack up and head out so-”

No. Come on, don’t leave me. Don’t make me go back inside to her. 

“You don’t  _ have  _ to.”

“ _ Now _ ,” the voice says. It’s muffled and far off and why does it sound so familiar?

“Yeah, I do have to. They’re pretty rigid about schedules...kinda like hunting with Dad again. I’ll...I’ll talk to you next time, Dean. Bye.”

“Bye,” I say. I wait for the line to disconnect. “I love you,” I finish before pulling the phone away and looking down at the screen. Her contact picture stays up for a minute and my heart aches. She has such a beautiful smile. I miss her so fucking much.

I disconnect the phone from the battery pack and it beeps at me that it’s dying again, but I just turn it off and put it back in the glove box. I put the cover back on the car and kiss my fingertips, running them across the roof. Lisa’s in the kitchen when I go inside. “Hey,” I say, smiling. “You’re up early.”

“You’re up earlier. Are you okay?” she asks, reaching out to touch my face. I close my eyes and for just a minute I imagine it’s Y/n with all that worry and care in her fingertips. I open my eyes just enough to guide my actions and I close them again as soon as our lips are touching. As long as she keeps her moans quiet, and she will to keep Ben from waking up and walking in on us, I can keep imagining she’s Y/n. I pull her pajama shorts down and twist her, bending her over the counter. “Dean!” she whispers, grabbing at the countertop.

“Shh!” I lick my fingers and slip them between her legs, pushing them into her and fucking her quick with them, opening her up for me. She drops her head to the counter as I pull my fingers out and jam my hand into my sweat pants, pulling my dick out and lining it up with her. It’s easier to imagine she’s Y/n with her face in the formica. “Fuck, you feel so fucking good,” I grunt, closing my eyes to make the illusion more complete.

I fuck her hard and fast, my hands on her shoulders to hold her in place. I pull out and cum across her ass, stepping away from her and fixing my pants. “Everything’s great, Lis. Fucking perfect as always.” I toss a towel at her and go to take a shower. I’ll apologize later.


	10. Release

**Summary**: Dean’s stuck in Purgatory, running around with Benny. _(34 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts, angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, you got family on da udder side lookin’ for you?” Benny asks. We’ve been traveling together for a few days, looking for Cas, killing monsters. Seems pretty okay for a bloodsucker.**  
**

“Yeah. My brother and twin sister, they’re probably losin’ their minds tryin’ to get me home.“ I shake my head. "Maybe not Y/n. She, uh, didn’t try too hard when I was in Hell. But our brother, Sam, ‘bout killed himself trying to fix it.”

“Why didn’t you sister try an’ get you back?” he asks and I sigh. Good fuckin’ question. 

“Me and Y/n, we’re complicated.” Understatement of the fucking year.

“Isn’t dat true for all family?”

“We’re definitely not like other families, Benny. And she’s not like any other woman." 

The vamp rests his blade against his shoulder and gestures at me with his free hand. "Tell me 'bout 'er.”

I scratch at my neck. Starting to get a beard. Gonna have to take a knife to it soon. “We, uh, used to be real close. I mean, we were those twins that were practically inseparable. We finished each other’s sentences, had full conversations without saying a word out loud. We didn’t feel each other’s pain but I always _knew _what she was feeling.” I lick my lips and scan the trees for threats. “I would call her my other half. Two sides of the same coin. She was…my everything. We practically raised our little brother together. Dad moved us around so much, left us in nasty motel rooms for weeks while he disappeared to hunt shit. She slipped right into that mom role for him. Fixed up his bumps and bruises, made sure he slept and did his homework, ya know? She is an effortless caregiver. She’s soft and sweet.”

I smile and adjust my grip on my blade. “Remember once I had a night terror and it was real bad. Couldn’t stop shaking and I was covered in sweat and going back to sleep seemed like a pipe dream and…she climbed outta her and Sam’s bed and into mine and she, she sang this old Beatles song our mom used to sing us when we were little. Ran her hand over my back. Soothed me back to sleep like it was nothing. God, and she used to look at me. She’s got these beautiful green eyes, but they’re like…so much prettier than mine. She got all the good looks. Oh, and she smells good, too. Like, even when she’s covered in blood or mud or monster guts, she still manages to smell good. Of course she does. She’s some kinda perfect. With her long eyelashes and pouty lips, fuckin’ soft lips and she doesn’t even use Chapstick or nothin’, just naturally perfect-”

“This still yer sister you talkin’ 'bout?” Benny asks and I stop in my tracks. That was all out loud. Shit.

“Usually that stuff stays in my head, man. Sorry,” I say, adjusting my grip on my blade and avoiding looking at him.

“You jus’ talk about 'er like other men talk about their lovers.” I’m waiting for the disgust when he says, “Dare ain’t nothin’ wrong wit’ dat.”

I get over my shock real quick and scoff. “Oh, really? I mean, I know you’re from Louisiana, man, but most of the country looks down on that kinda thinkin’.”

“Most'a de country look down on killin’ things, too. An’ it ain’t like you can control that, right? You can’t change yer heart, brother.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks, force the air out of my lungs. “Ya know…I have been struggling with this for twenty years and not once has the idea of accepting it crossed my mind.” I blink the tears out of the corner of my eyes and breathe in a breath of cool air. “I’ve spent my entire life comparing every woman I’ve been with to her…and none of them have ever gotten close.”

I start walking again and the vamp follows. “I wonder, sometimes if she knows, ya know? We were so close for so many years and she _had _to have noticed, right? She must’ve seen the way I look at her like she’s the only woman in the world. Or, ya know, the way I’d disappear into the bathroom when she wore something that showed a little skin…not that she wears that kinda clothes anymore. Her clothes have gotten progressively frumpier since we were teens. I mean….she’s still gorgeous in a pair of too-big jeans and a big hooded sweater, but she used to wear these tight tank top shirts and cutoff shorts. Too long to be Daisy Dukes but…you don’t know anything about The Dukes of Hazzard, do you?" 

He shrugs and shakes his head and I shrug. "TV show from the early 80s. It was ridiculous and awesome, the car overshadowed the main actors, but there was this hot chick Daisy, played by Catherine Bach, who wore these cutoff shorts that were…well, they were barely clothing.” He nods and I keep talking. “Y/n used to wear tight clothes and she used to do stuff with her hair sometimes and she used to…I don’t know, look like she cared? Guess she stopped caring but she still looks beautiful.”

“She sounds somethin’ special,” Benny says.

“She is. Always has been. She’s…she, uh…” My mind brings up the night I took her first kiss. Something else I’ve never said out loud. “One night in high school, she got plastered ‘cause this guy stood her up and she asked me to kiss her.” I lick my lips, remembering the strawberry peppermint taste. “I should’ve said ‘no’. I should’ve just…put her to bed and forgot about it, but I couldn’t. I kissed her. Her first kiss, but she did it like a pro.” 

“You kissed her?”

“Yeah. Never told anybody that.” I sigh. “She doesn’t remember it. Thank God. I mean, if she had woken up the next morning and remembered me pushin’ her into the wall and shovin’ my tongue in her mouth…fuck, I don’t know what I woulda done. I’d’ve probably lost her _years _before I did.” Did she figure it out? Is that what caused the distance?

“You lost her?”

“Much as I could, yeah. She just pulled so far away. Everything got so cold.”

There’s a long moment of silence before Benny says, “You really love ‘er.”

“Yeah, of course I do.” I turn to him and shrug, pulling out another thing I’ve never told anybody else. Why the hell not? “But…more than that, man…I’m _in _love with her. Been in love our whole lives and I’m never gonna get to be with her. Never gonna get to love her like she deserves.”

“Maybe she feel da same. You ever think-”

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “She never…no, Benny.”

“She did ask you to kiss her, didn’t she?” 

I open my mouth to argue, but then I shake my head. I haven’t considered she might feel the same. “I hoped…when we were younger. But she’s…she was drunk, that’s all.”

“Wha’s that saying, huh? In Vino Veritas?”

I click my tongue on my teeth and turn to start walking again. “Yeah. That’s the saying, but…she’s barely even my sister anymore, Benny. If she ever felt the same about me, that died years ago. I can’t hope to dream that she is ever going to want me. And she deserves better than me, anyway.”

Why did I say all that? Why did I just divulge my deepest secrets to some vampire I’ve known less than a week?

“Well, when we get you home, maybe you talk to her. What’s dare to lose?”

“Everything I have left,” I answer succinctly. But maybe he’s right. Maybe I should just fucking talk to her. I’ve got some time to think about it while we look for Cas.


	11. Repulsion

**Summary**: Dean’s a demon. Y/n has come to bring him home. Dean decides to find out exactly what went wrong with their relationship. _(36 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts, angst, depression, **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!! NON-CON**, past non-con fingering, manipulation, unprotected sex, incest, sister wincest

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can hear her approach before she makes it past the line of tables by the DJ booth. Black leather work boots, steel toes, jeans with the back hem ripped to bits from being walked on. She never wears clothes that really fit her. Even her fed suit is too long and baggy.

I’m handing a twenty to Candy when she steps up next to the stage. I ignore her. So she says my name. “Go. Away. Y/n/n,” I respond, still not looking at her standing there with her hands on her hips.

“Sorry, brother. It doesn’t work like that,“ she snaps, and of course she calls me ‘brother’ now. Always does when she wants something from me. "Sam needs you home, so by extension,_ I_ need you home. Come on.”

“Sorry, sister. It doesn’t work like _that_. I told Sam to let me go. Guess now I gotta tell you.” I turn my head to look at her, catch her eyes. She looks tired. She always looks tired. “Leave me alone, Y/n. Just walk away.” I don’t know why I’m giving her an out. We both know she’s not gonna take it. She’s gotta do whatever she can to make Sammy happy.

“Yeah, unfortunately, you’ve shared a dangerously codependent relationship with Sam so he can’t just let you go. So _I_ can’t walk away.”

That strikes me. I think it’s finally time to get an answer to the question I’ve been asking myself for fifteen fucking years.

I turn my attention to her, dropping my feet off the cross beam on the stool and standing in front of her. A flash of fear goes across her face and I smile. “You ever wonder why you an’ I don’t have a relationship like that? I mean, ain’t twins supposed to be creepy-close, makin’ up secret languages together and feelin’ each other’s pain?”

She swallows and stands a little taller like she’s trying to gather confidence. Now she’s gonna evade, just like she always does. “Look, D., I will be the Tomax to your Xamot and we can develop Winchester Latin together if you just come home.”

I’m not gonna let her weasel out of it this time. I wag my finger at her face. “Nah, see, I think there’s something there, Y/n. ‘cause I remember we were close when we were young, taking care of Sammy, only havin’ each other to lean on, being Dad’s perfect little soldiers, but you pulled away. I think it was right about the time Sam ran off to Stanford, you went cold.”

She licks her lips and looks away, shaking her head. "D-Dean,” she stutters, and I know I’ve finally hit the right button. “It’s not-” She’s kinda adorable when she’s struggling for her words.

I smirk and lean forward a bit. “What’s not what?” I ask. I fake a sincere look, flash the puppy dog eyes at her. “Come on, Y/n. You know you can tell me anything.”

She takes a step back, her eyes still on me because she’s not gonna turn her back on a demon, she’s too smart for that. She’s gonna bolt, though, I can tell. It’s cute she thinks she can outrun me.

“No, I can’t. Not this,“ she whispers before rabbiting. I give her a two-second headstart before I follow.

She’s just past the men’s room when I grab her wrists and twist her arms behind her back, pushing her into the wall face first and leaning my bodyweight into hers. “Come on, Y/n. It’s gotta be somethin’ big if you’re running from it. Tell me.”

“Dean, don’t,” she begs, quietly.

I get a hold on her finger and twist it roughly. I can feel how close it is to breaking. “Start talkin’, sister, or I’m gonna start breakin’ bones,” I whisper in her ear.

“Ow, fuck! D. please.”

“I like the begging, but it’s not what I wanna hear right now. Story time, bitch. Go,” I demand.

She whimpers and fuck, I _like _that. It makes me wanna break her finger just to hear her make more of these noises. “Fine! God, I’ll tell you! Fuck.” She takes a deep breath and I smile. I’ve been waiting for fifteen fucking years for this story. “Th-the week after Sam left…you got drunk,” she starts.

“That’s not news. I spent the first two months he was gone in a bottle,” I snap. Get to it, Y/n.

“Yeah, well…this night didn’t end with you passed out in the back of Dad’s car or in some roadhouse chick’s bed, it ended with you crawling into mine,” she whispers. Crawling into her bed, huh? “Ended wi-with your tongue in my mouth and your hand down my pants.”

Holy shit. I fucking did it. I was drunk and we were sad and I don’t remember it. I’ve spent our entire lives wanting to bury myself in her sweet little cunt and I already _did _it? “Really?” I ask, letting go of her finger.

“You-you didn’t remember it the next morning, so I just never said, but I had to distance. I couldn’t…” She struggles for her words again, her ears turning red.

I chuckle and press myself closer to her, wanting to feel her body. “You fuckin’ liked it, didn’t you?”

She struggles a bit against me. “That’s disgusting!” she exclaims. “No, I fucking didn’t.”

“Lie-ar,” I sing. “Even when I’m blackout drunk, I’m real good with my hands.” I’m so pissed that I was too drunk to remember. “You, at twenty-two…inexperienced, innocent little virgin? Bet you came, didn’t’cha?” Tell me I gave you your first orgasm, Y/n.

Her ears go even redder as she stammers over, “That’s not–I didn’t-”

“Not your fault you were a virgin for so long, ya know?” I interrupt her denial, knowing she’s just backpedalling and lying to both of us. “I spent more’n a decade chasin’ off any guy who might be interested. Starting with that quarterback douche in Fairfax that wanted to take you to the drive-in.”

“What?” she squeaks…and I guess it’s my turn for honesty.

“Yeah. After I kicked Jesse to the curb, you seemed to finally get it, stopped trying.”

“What?” she repeats and I roll my eyes. “You made Jesse leave?”

I take a step back, letting go of her arms. She’s not gonna fight me now. She’s weak with depression now. I can see it in her face when she turns to look at me. So fuckin’ broken. I shrug in response to her question. “Wasn’t good enough for you. None of ‘em were.”

She looks at me like I’m crazy. “Are you–I _loved _him! I gave up when he left. I-”

“He obviously didn’t love _you _if he left,” I say, shrugging. “He didn’t try to fight for you, didn’t try to convince me he was worth a damn, just scurried off like the cockroach he was. Not worth your tears, Y/n.”

Tears start up anyway, of course. “Why?” Her voice sounds so weak. I’m sure I should feel bad about that. “Why would you _do _this?”

I purse my lips as I think about the right response. I scratch my nose and sniff a bit. “The old me, I’d say it was all to protect you. Save you from a bunch of guys who wanted to use you, but…eh, what’s the point of lying?” I lick my lips. “If I couldn’t have you, no one could. And I _really _could _not _have you.”

“That’s _sick_!” she exclaims.

Let’s go for broke with this truth shit. “You know you were my first wet dream?” I lean against the wall behind me and cross my arms over my chest. “We were thirteen, you just started to get tits, practically overnight. You lifted your first bra from Sears, but you got the wrong size. Guess you were already a B cup by then and you got an A. Your tits were just spilling out of the thing and I had this dream, recurring one for about a year, of you getting so frustrated with the thing that you just whipped it off right in the middle of the motel room of the week…and then you’d let me play with ‘em, suck ‘em, bite ‘em.”

She crosses her arms over her chest too, like she’s trying to keep me from lookin’ at her boobs. Adorable. She’s got a look of absolute disgust on her face when she says “You can’t. I’m your _twin sister_, Dean.”

I nod. “Oh, I know. That’s why I shoved that shit down in the dark recesses of my soul. Put it away with the sadistic part of me…” I sigh. “But, you know, I am really surprised that I only got shitfaced and forced myself on you once…and I’m kinda disappointed I didn’t dick ya.”

I smirk as she gags, and I push myself away from the wall. “I guess it ain’t too late, though, is it?” Time for me to get what I want, what I’ve wanted since we were thirteen. She cringes away from me, says ‘no’, but I’ve made up my mind so I just chuckle. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll make you a deal, Y/n. You’re gonna come with me. There’s really nothing you can do against that. I’ve always been stronger and faster than you and there’s no way you can win now.”

She shrinks a bit as I lean closer to her. “I’m gonna fuck you. If you don’t cum, I’ll go back to the bunker with you and let Sam do whatever he wants to ‘fix’ me.” I put air quotes around ‘fix’. “When you _do _cum, though, you’re gonna be stuck with me.” Fuckin’ mine forever.

“What does that even mean?” she asks quietly. Her voice is shaking. I’m gonna fucking enjoy this.

"Means you come with me, you never talk to Sam again, and we do whatever the fuck I want for the rest of your life.” The Mark throbs on my arm as I think about all the ways I’m gonna make her mine. It’s almost as much of a pull as when I think about killing. I wrap my arm around her waist and drag her out the fire door with the broken alarm. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

She tries to resist, to pull away from me as I drag her toward the car but she fails. I’m too strong and far too motivated. I pull open the passenger door and shove her in, ducking her head so she doesn’t bash it on the frame. Wouldn’t wanna knock 'er out, make her head fuzzy. Want her completely aware for the next part. “Where are you taking me?” she asks as I start the car and peel out of the strip club parking lot.

What a stupid fucking question. “Motel. Where else?”

She puts her feet on the seat and hugs her knees. “Is-is there any way I can talk you out of this?”

I laugh out loud. Another stupid question but this one shows exactly how little she’s been paying attention. Or maybe she’s in denial about how long her twin brother has been wanting to fuck her. “Not a goddamn thing, Y/n/n.” I look over at her, all pathetic and curled in a ball. “You gonna beg me to let you go?”

She shakes her head and tries to look defiant. “I don’t beg for demons,” she whispers as I pull into the motel.

I hum appreciatively and smirk at her. “You will. You’re gonna beg this demon,” I promise, turning off the car and grabbing her wrist again, pulling her across the bench and out my door. I kick the door closed and circle her, watching her literally shake in her boots. “Tell me 'bout that night I got drunk. Wish I could remember it. Go on and jog my memory. Where were we? Were we on a hunt?”

I reach out and unbutton the top button on her two-sizes-too-big red and pink flannel. Makes sense now, the baggy clothes. She’s been tryin’ to keep me from lookin’ at her body. A flash of rage goes through me, the Mark throbs on my arm at the idea of it. How fucking _dare _she deprive me of her body? “I asked you a question, Y/n.”

“You asked two, actually,” she argues, weakly. There’s a bit of hardheadedness in her still. Let’s see how long that fight lasts. I keep my fingers working her buttons. “We were…we were in Puyallup, Washington. That poltergeist. Dad went to question the former owners in Bend, Oregon. He wasn’t gonna be back 'til the next day and he had the Impala. There wasn’t a bar within walking distance-”

I nod, starting to kinda remember Puyallup as I pull her shirt open and slide it off her arms to hit the floor. “But I had a package store in my duffel bag. Turned on _Tombstone _and started drinking.”

“Weren’t very far into it before you were trashed. You were slumped in your chair before 'That’s Latin, dahlin’, but you kept drinking.” I grab her black spaghetti strap undershirt and pull it over her head and she closes her eyes.

“Keep going,” I demand. She’s fucking gorgeous. Damn. All this beautiful soft, skin. Only been touched by two men.

“You kept looking at me. I was just sitting there, just sitting on the bed, reading _Dreamcatcher _and you kept looking at me.” I bought her that book. Because she was so sad that Sammy left. What’d I get in exchange? A night I can’t fucking remember. “Eventually, you came to sit next to me. You took the book out of my hands, threw it on the other bed and pulled me into a hug. I thought it was okay, it was just you showing affection in that way you only do when your inhibitions are lowered. You…you told me that everything was gonna be okay, that we had each other. You said even if we didn’t have Sam, even if we didn’t always have Dad’s support, even if we didn’t have Mom, we-we had each other.”

I reach out and run my fingers over her tattoo. Dark, thick lines to keep demons out of her. Doesn’t stop the ones already inside, though…and it ain’t gonna keep me out.

She’s stopped talking. That’s no good. “Not gonna tell you again, sis,” I growl.

“We laid down together. I d-don’t really…” She closes her eyes to steady herself and opens them again as I trace her tattoo. “We laid down, you were holding me. Your h-hand slipped under my shirt but it was nice. It was…your skin warm on my back. I was falling asleep. I-I was so close, I didn’t realize until it was too late that you’d slipped your other hand into my pajamas. I tried to push you off when your hand went into my-my underwear but-”

“I’ve always been bigger and stronger.” Time to get rid of this bra. She goes stiff when I reach behind her and unclip the thing. “I start fingering you then?”

Her bra hits the floor with her shirts and she trembles as she shakes her head. “Um, no. You just, sorta, kept your hand there for a while, waited for me to drop my guard a little, I guess. You kissed my neck, told me that you were gonna take care of me, that you loved me, that everything was going to be okay. Then you started kissing me.”

Of course I did. As often as I thought about taking her first kiss in Fairfax all those years ago? Of course I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to kiss her. And just like before… “You let me.”

“No,” she denies. “No, I just…didn’t fight you.”

“You liked it, Y/n/n,” I say, and I am daring her to lie to me. She doesn’t argue it anymore so I continue. “Someone being there for you, for your pleasure. Never had that before me, I made sure of it.” She swallows and bites the inside of her lip. “So, we kissed, 'cause ya kissed back, didn’t ya? And _then _I started playing your pussy like a fine fuckin’ instrument, huh?”

It’s pretty easy to see what she needs to get her motor runnin’. She’s so deprived of intimacy. She needs soft, gentle, sweet…which kinda sucks because I just wanna bend her over and fuck her 'til she can’t fuckin’ move. Next time. After she loses.

I nod as I circle around her again, wrapping my arms around her and sniffing her hair. “Don’t worry, Y/n. I’m gonna take care of you.” I start walking her toward the bed, gentle pushes. Gotta keep down the aggression. It’s the only way I win this.

“Oh, god. I don’t wanna do this,” she whimpers.

You will, Y/n.

I shush her. “Relax, baby. I’m not gonna hurt you.” Yet. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“You’re lying.”

“Not this time, I’m not.” Un-fucking-fortunately. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m gonna make you feel amazing. When’s the last time you felt good, sister? When’s the last time you were happy?” I make sure my face is sincere as I gently turn her to face me.

“Not since you were in Hell,” she snaps. “Before you scared away the love of my life.”

I have to fight to keep from rolling my eyes. Calm, gentle, soft. “Jesse wasn’t the love of your life. He didn’t love you how I did. He didn’t fight for you. _I_ fought for you.”

“You’re not _supposed _to love me like that, Dean. It’s not right,” she whispers.

“So?” I sigh. Soft. Gentle. I reach up and touch her cheek. “Can’t change how I’ve always felt. You were all I had for so long. The thing that held me together when I was holdin’ Sam up. I’ve always loved you more than I’ve ever loved any other woman.”

She scoffs and I wanna smack her for her disrespect, but I don’t. “You’re a _demon_. You’re not loving me now.”

“I’m still _me_, Y/n. I still know how to treat my other half.” I haven’t called her that out loud in years. Her eyes shine a bit at the term. I’m getting to her. I lean down and capture her lips in a soft kiss. She gasps into my mouth, but she keeps her eyes open. Haven’t gotten to her enough yet. There’s the tears again. Damn it. “I’m gonna make you feel good. Lie down,” I say, quietly.

She looks like she’s gonna resist for a second, but she doesn’t. She just climbs onto the mattress and sets her head on the pillow. I crawl onto the mattress with her, slip my right arm under her neck and set my left hand over her navel. I lick my lips and look down at her. I try to fake as much worship in that look as I can. “It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay, Y/n,” I whisper, focusing on her lips. “I’m here for you.”

I lean down and skim my lips over the skin of her neck, softly. I wanna bite her, grab her, force her to her knees and…I can’t. I have to wait. Her breathing is starting to get heavy, though. “Th-this…this isn’t-”

Stop resisting!

I shush her again. “It’s okay. Gonna make everything better,” I promise, licking her throat and sliding my hand down from her navel under the waistband of her pants and underwear. She stiffens under me but I keep going, sucking at her jaw. It doesn’t take long for her to relax again. So I prop myself up with my right arm and start kissing her. I keep my left hand over her pussy as I start making out with her.

She starts kissing back, her tongue slipping across mine. She’s making this almost too easy, but damn it’s getting me hard how fast she’s melting. I slip my hand lower, cup her cunt, let my middle finger press against her slit and she fuckin’ moans into my mouth. I move my right hand into her hair and grasp at her scalp. I can’t keep going slow and gentle. I need to make her cum.

I start rubbing little circles on her clit and she jerks. She’s so fuckin’ wet. She’s gonna feel amazing on my dick. I grab her hand and put it on my crotch, curl her fingers over the bulge and wait for her to take the initiative. Oh, and when she does and her eyes go wide at the size, that’s the fucking best.

I push my finger into her and she is so much wetter than I thought. I rub the heel of my palm against her clit and her fingers tighten on my erection. I groan and lick her lips, nibbling at her bottom lip as I pump my finger in and out of her. I can hear the slick sound of it, feel her cunt squeezing my middle finger. She’s getting close. I’ve almost won.

But now that I’m so close…I don’t wanna win with the exact same play I used in ‘01. I gotta level up.

I pull back from the kiss, look down at her as she pants, keep fingering her as I take in her lust-blown eyes and pink cheeks. “How’s it feel, Y/n?”

“I…I can’t…” She’s trying so hard to keep her cool. She knows how close she is to losing.

“It’s okay. I’m not gonna have you cum on my fingers,” I reassure her, pushing another finger into her and curling them. She gasps when my fingertips press her g-spot. “When I claim you, sis, it’s gonna be on my dick.”

“Oh, god!” she whines when I start scissoring her open. Her eyes roll back for a moment, her legs shake.

“Unzip me, Y/n. I wanna feel your fingers on me.” It’s only fair.

She reaches over with her other hand and pops the button on my jeans. She doesn’t even seem to question it. Her resistance is broken. Good. She wraps her hand around me and gives it a pump. I hiss and buck my hips and she just tightens her grip. I feel my eyes shift and Y/n looks up at me before I can fix it. She looks away, though, and I blink the black out. She looks back and focuses on my eyes. She gasps.

I lean in and kiss her again, letting in a little extra aggression into the movement as she starts stroking me in time with me finger-fucking her. When I pull my hand from her and sit back, she tries to follow the kiss, but I jump off the bed, taking her pants and underwear off as I go.

She watches me with wide eyes as I start taking my clothes off. “Ya know, I have spent so much of our lives watching you. And I know how sad you are.” I sigh. “I mean, Famine said you were empty, too.” She bites her lip and her eyes go sad. “Shit’s always been so hard for us, but you used to find things to be happy about. Those books you used to read, that guitar you used to pull out every time we went to Bobby’s, the poetry in your journal.” I haven’t even seen her hunter journal in years.

I drop my pants and step out of them, kneel on the foot of the mattress. “Know why you’re always sad, Y/n?” I ask as I climb over her body and look down at her. “Why you’ve felt so empty?” I swivel my hips, grind my dick against her slit. She bites her lip. “Same reason I always did. You were missing your other half,” I say with a smile. I dip my head to catch her eyes as I slip my hand down and line the head of my cock up with her entrance and start to slide into her. “I’m gonna make you whole.”

I let my eyes go black as I get myself halfway into her. She clamps her eyes shut tight, probably so she doesn’t see the black. “Fuck, you’re _tight_,” I groan, pulling out almost all the way and slowly pushing in again. I still stop short from all the way into her. “If I didn’t know Jesse got your cunt, I’d think you were a virgin. Knew it was the right decision to save you for me.”

Don’t fucking slam your hips forward and fuck her ‘til she bleeds. Get her to relax. She won’t cum if I hurt her.

I scrape my teeth across her shoulder and she shouts, her whole body getting stiff and tighter. Not what I wanted. “If you don’t relax, this is gonna hurt,” I warn.

“Do you really care?” she whispers, turning her head away from me.

I kiss across her shoulder and up her neck to her ear. “Of course I care. I care more about you enjoying yourself right now than I care about anything else.” If she doesn’t enjoy herself, I don’t win. “I want you happy, Y/n. I want us both whole.” I suck her earlobe between my lips and lick at it. “I can’t wait to feel you cum on my cock, to finally have you…all mine.”

“D-Dean…I…” Her eyes roll back as I swivel my hips, getting further into her.

“God, you are…exactly what I dreamed of,” I groan. “Fuck. Waited so long.” I finally get my pelvis flush with hers and it’s just…perfect. She’s got the tightest pussy I’ve ever had…and the nicest fuckin’ boobs.

I lean down and take her nipple in my mouth, licking and lightly nibbling at it. Her hand buries in my hair and she arches her back. “D., god!” I hum against her boob and reach over to play with the other nipple, plucking it until it puckers up real pretty.

I bite her nipple and her pussy clenches around my dick and I buck my hips. “Ready for more?” I ask, licking at the teeth marks in her areola.

She brings her knees up to my hips and I almost laugh. Fucking broke her. Perfect.

I get up on my forearms and look down at her. “It’s okay. I got you.” I slide my hips back, loving the drag of my cock against her walls. I thrust forward again and she moans. I start kissing her again as we fuck, her hips rolling against mine. It’s taking a lot to hold back, to keep up the fake nice veneer. I grab her thigh, dig my fingers in to keep myself from letting loose. I can’t help the way I thrust a bit harder. She seems to like it, though, because she grabs my shoulders and throws her head back into the pillow.

She starts digging her heels into my ass and I swear she’s right on the fucking edge. “God, Dean, this is…Oh, god, this is…”

“Not _God_, Y/n,” I whisper. I’m a fuckin’ demon and God has never done a thing for us.

I grab her legs and push her knees up into her chest to change the angle and my dick head hits her cervix. Her pussy flutters around me, her eyes roll, her back arches, a sexy broken moan escaping her as her muscles go rigid. Her body jerks a few times as I slow my thrusts. I fucking won.

I kiss across her shoulder and up to her ear again. “I win,” I whisper and she whimpers. I get up on my forearm again and look down at her with my eyes all black. “I got you to play and I won and now? You’re mine.”

Now I get to fuck her how I want.

I pull out and flip her over, face in the pillow and ass in the air. I wrap my fingers in her hair and slam my cock back into her. She screams and clenches hard around me. I push her face into the pillow and fuck her as hard as I can. Exactly how I wanted her, a screaming mess, cumming all over my cock. “You’re gonna cum again, Y/n. I wanna feel it from this angle,” I demand. I get to have her however the fuck I want. I reach around her and rub my fingertips over her clit.

She clenches and flutters around me and I finally get to cum in my twin sister’s tight pussy. I growl as I orgasm and I can _feel _the flash of fear from Y/n at the sound. I pull out and flop to the bed next to her and she just goes limp. Fucked her ‘til she can’t move. Awesome. I reach out and smack her ass. “Yeah. This is gonna work just fine.”

As she passes out, I sigh happily. I feel good. _Really _fuckin’ good. I feel like I just ganked a roomful of pedophiles or somethin’. I look down at the Mark…and I don’t feel anything. I don’t wanna kill anything. How about that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n’s phone goes off at 4:30am. Sam. I mute her sound and look at her lock screen. What would she set as her password? Hmmm. ‘Barracuda’. It beeps and opens. I turn off her GPS before I start going through her phone. She’s got pics of her and Sam, pics of her and Bobby, and _way _in the back she’s got pics of us. Pictures of old Kodaks. There’s nothing of us from after Sam went to Stanford. She was so ashamed of letting me drunkenly finger her that she just…gave up on our relationship back in ‘01.

It’s kinda funny.

Crowley shows up early the next morning, as I’m starting to itch for a morning delight. Y/n’s still asleep so I let the King in. “What do you want?”

“Well, I was comin’ with the option of another job, something that might quell a bit of the dark energy from the Mark, but it seems like you’ve got some other outlet of depravity, don’t you? That _is _your twin sister fucked to bits on your bed, isn’t it?” Crowley asks, looking around me to Y/n.

I step back into his line of sight so he can’t look at _my _other half. “Yeah. I’ve wanted to break off a piece of that since we were teens. Just couldn’t let myself do anything about it back then,” I admit.

Crowley looks back at me, a bit surprised. “And was she a _willing _participant in this sickness?”

“Eventually,” I snap, defensively. “Why the fuck do _you _care?”

“Just was thinking that it might be a bit awkward for her to go home after she-”

“That’s fine ‘cause neither of us are _going _home, Crowley,” I bite out. “I finally made her mine last night, finally took what was fuckin’ _made _for me.” I can’t help think about lost time. “I might get some vamp to turn her so I can keep her around for longer. We’ve got a lot of years to make up for.”

Crowley makes a huffy noise, rolling his eyes. “Maybe don’t turn your sister into a bloodsucker just yet. There are other options, like witchcraft, that wouldn’t leave her so vulnerable.”

He’s right but I’m not gonna admit that to his face. “Yeah, why don’t you leave Y/n to me and go play with your dogs? I’ll find you when I need you, which’ll be never.” I turn to look at the bed. Her breathing has changed. She’s trying to keep it deep, but it’s fake. “She’s awake. Get out.”

“Dean, you-” he starts to argue, but I roll my eyes.

“Out,” I demand. Crowley disappears and I slam the door. I smirk as I turn to the bed. Y/n sits up and looks at me with a mix of fear and shame. Bet her whole body is aching. I pull her phone out of my back pocket. “Good morning. Sam’s been calling you for hours. Took the liberty of turnin’ off your GPS.”

She takes a deep breath. “You’re really not gonna let me leave?” she asks.

I shake my head. “I told you. You’re stuck with me. Besides…it’s where you belong. It’s the only place you can be whole,” I say.

She shakes her head and runs her hand down her face. “Don’t think I didn’t hear that, Dean,” she says, quietly. “You don’t care about me feeling whole. I’m just something else to feed the Mark.” She grimaces as she says it.

She’s not _just _something to feed the Mark. But she’s a steak dinner.

I shrug, my eyebrows jumping. “Wouldn’t you rather I feed the Mark with amazing sex than viscious murder?” I ask. She looks down, thinking it over. I sit on the chair near the foot of the bed and offer her the phone. “Two minutes, no codes, just tell Sam to leave you alone. You need time. Got it?” I coach.

She nods and unlocks her phone, tapping out ‘Barracuda’. She dials Sam and I lean back and wait. I hear Sam start in on her immediately and she interrupts him to keep it under the time I gave her. “Hours, I know. Look, I just need some time, Sammy. I…I think it’s my turn, okay? I need a damn break. I can’t deal with this bullshit-” Sam interrupts her and she sighs. “No, you don’t. You need to let him go…and you need to let me have this time, okay? I just need-”

She rubs her eyes with her fingertips as Sam keeps talking. “Sam…Call me if you figure out where he is.” Awww. They’re talkin’ ‘bout me. “Yeah. I wish you the best of luck, little brother.” She hangs up and offers it to me. I take it and tuck it back into my pocket. “You got any liquor in this place? I need a fuckin’ drink.”

I smirk and nod. “Yeah. That sounds like a good fuckin’ idea. Get dressed. There’s a bar down the street, Flamingo Lounge. Harv behind the bar pours pretty heavy, so it’s good.”

She moves to get dressed and I hiss, seeing my fingerprints on her thighs and hips gets me hard. “Know what? Don’t do that yet.” I move quick and bend her over the side of the bed, opening my jeans and pulling my cock out, sinking into her quickly. I don’t care if I hurt her this time. She even seems to like the pain a bit. My perfect woman…a masochist to my sadist. She doesn’t cum this time, but I do and damn if the Mark doesn’t seem to give a fuck whether she cums or not. “Now, put your clothes on. Leave the flannel. No more baggy fuckin’ clothes,” I demand as I fix my jeans.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew Sam would find me eventually, but I was hoping for a bit longer before he showed up. Oh, and then that asshole whose dad I killed a bajillion years ago followed Sam, of course. Got to whip his ass, but of course Sam used him as a distraction. And Y/n just stood by…let Sam force me into the back of my own fucking car like he owned the place.

Sam stomps up to her as she pulls my keys out of her pocket. “What the hell, Y/n?”

“Take him home and fix him,” she demands, handing the keys to Sam’s good hand. This wasn’t the fucking deal, Y/n! I fucking won! I won!

“What he said about killing him? I don’t know what he’s done? He might deserve it?” Sam asks and Y/n avoids his gaze.

“He didn’t-” She licks her lips and fakes a smile for Sammy. “He was just talking about what he did for Crowley. Take him home.”

Sam shakes his head in confusion. “What about you? I-I might need-”

“No.” She’s absolutely resolute about it. “That time I said I need? I need it.” Oh, she looks so fucking distraught. She’s gonna be. When I get out of these fuckin’ cuffs and I come to find her, I’m gonna fucking destroy her. She gives Sam a half hug and starts to walk away. “Good luck, Sammy.”

Sam’s turn to look distraught. “Good-? How much time do you need?”

She whispers something that looks like ‘Goodbye, Sammy’ before she turns to look at me. I narrow my eyes at her, my jaw tight and my teeth clenched. She turns tail and runs away. A major fucking mistake.


	12. Depravity

**Summary**: Dean is feeling guilty about the things he did to Y/n as a demon…until he sees her again. _(36 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts, angst, depression, **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!! NON-CON**, past non-con, non-con fingering, manipulation, unprotected sex, incest, sister wincest

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t know how Sam is able to look at me. Knowing what I did to him, knowing what I did to his big sister? How can I look at _myself _again? I messed everything up. I’m the reason she pulled back, why she started drinking, why she has been cold and depressed and distant…why she’s been empty.

I think about how scared she was, how disgusted she was when I admitted my feelings…she reacted just how I knew she would, how a sane woman would. Fuck, she must hate me.

I hope she hates me. I deserve it. I hurt her. I hurt her in 2001 and I hurt her last week and I hope she hates me because then she’ll stay away…and she needs to stay away because with this thing on my arm, I don’t know if I could ever control myself around her again. Not when I can replay the memory of her coming apart under me. Not when I can literally taste her on my tongue if I try hard enough.

The Mark pulses hot on my arm as I think about her bent over that motel bed, fingers twisted in the blanket as I came deep in her cunt. And now my cock is hard.

I don’t touch myself. I shouldn’t masturbate to the memory of raping my twin sister. Not okay. None of this is okay.

“I, uh, I brought you some cholesterol,” Sam says, knocking on my door.

“I’m not hungry,” I respond and that’s only a half-lie. I’m hungry, but not for anything Sam can provide.

He opens my door and walks in, a greasy bag on his fist. “Dude, you gotta eat.”

I turn away from him. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure this thing on my arm won’t let me starve to death, so…”

“Well, I’m not gonna risk you turning into a demon just because you didn’t wanna eat a cheeseburger so…” He tosses the bag into my lap and leans against my dresser. I roll my eyes and pull out a french fry. It tastes like fryer oil. Not what I want. “So, I set up traps on all of Y/N’s burners, so if she turns one on we’ll be able to find her.”

I stiffen and look away from him. “Leave it alone, man.”

“What do you mean, ‘leave it alone’? Dean, she needs to know you’re okay, that I cured you! She needs to know she can come home.”

“She _knows_, Sam!” I explode. “She and Crowley got me to that bar, put me in your hands 'cause they knew you would be able to fix me! And you really expect her to come _home_? After what I did to-”

“You weren’t you, Dean, she knows that.”

“Yeah, except I _was_! I was just as me as the drunk asshole that forced himself on her when you ran off to college! It was me! Me, as a demon, doing things…things that made _Crowley _raise an eyebrow.” I shake my head. All the things I kept locked up in my head…I rub my hand across my forehead and toss the paper bag on my side table. “Thanks for the burger, Sam.”

“No, come on, Dean. Don’t shut down like this, man! You gotta-gotta deal with-”

“What, Sam?! How am I supposed to _deal_?!” I stand and turn my back on him. “I might have tried to kill you, but I _broke _her and I did it _years _ago!” I chuckle without any humor. “Ya know, I spent fifteen years wondering what happened to her, blaming her coldness on you leaving and Dad putting too much pressure on her, but it was me. It was all me. How am I supposed to deal with the fact that I destroyed the woman I love?”

Sammy is silent for a long minute.

“Just leave me alone, Sam. Please,” I whisper.

“Eat something,” he says before leaving my room.

I don’t. The burger gets tossed under my bed. And I lay down, try to avoid thinking about Y/n. My brain keeps going back to the way she sounded, whimpering as I stretched her open on my dick. Fuck. And I’m hard again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been months. Y/n is still gone. I hope she’s healing. I hope she’s forgetting. I hope she’s okay. God, I hope she’s doing better than me.

“You still got that list of aliases I sent you?” Sam asks quietly. I stop in the hallway to listen to whatever he doesn’t want me to hear. “Well, then, why didn’t you tell me about this Ann Wilson that popped in Milwaukee?”

Ann Wilson is one of Y/n’s. 

“Oh. I didn’t notice the age. Sorry, Jody." 

So not only is he doing exactly what I told him not to do, he’s brought Jody into it, too?!

“I’m gonna say it one more time,” I say, stepping into the War Room. “Because I obviously wasn’t clear the first time.”

Sam stands quickly, the chair rolling away from him. “Call you back, Jody,” he says, setting his phone on the map table. “Dean.”

“Stop looking for Y/n,,” I say, enunciating each word carefully.

“Dean, she’s _my _sister too, ya know? I’m worried about her. I’m worried about _both _of you!” he exclaims, stepping closer to me.

The Mark burns as I fight the urge to punch him in his stupid face. “Oh, _I’m _fine! But you, you’re so _worried _about Y/n that you wanna try to _force _her to confront something she might never be ready to confront. How fuckin’ selfish can you be?”

He looks offended for a second before he looks away. “You’re not fine. You’re losing it. The Mark is-”

“-not goin’ anywhere, Sam!”

“Yeah, well, maybe Y/n can help calm it down, Dean!”

“And how do you expect her to do _that_, Sam?” He looks at his feet, shame on his face…and I know exactly what he’s thinking. “No. Absolutely not.”

“Hear me out, okay?” He looks back up at me, a bit of desperation in his eyes. “You told me that the Mark liked it, that it was satisfied with the-the darkness there, right? It’s the only way we could calm it down without violence.”

“You don’t call that _violence_?!” I shout and he flinches. “I threatened to break her bones, forced her to…” I take a deep breath, unclench the fists I don’t know when I balled up, and lick my lips. “No. No, Sam. No.”

I can’t stop thinking about it now. I’m laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to stop but the Mark is burning, pulsing and throbbing just like my dick. I think about how she looked standing in that motel room without any clothes on. She looked so scared and that was such a turn-on and I’m so fuckin’ sick that it still _is_.

I hate how much I loved pushing her in the direction I wanted. I hate how triumphant I felt making her cum. I hate that my mind keeps replaying her moans in my dreams. God, especially that broken one she gave when she came that first time, her body all bent and stiff.

Fuck.

I pop the button on my jeans and tug them down without unzipping them. This isn’t a ‘will it away’ erection. It’s gonna take some hands-on effort to get rid of this one.. I wrap my hand around my dick, hold it a little tighter than is comfortable. I try to think about any other lover I’ve ever had as I start jackin’ it, but the image of Cassie turns pale, morphs easily into Y/n. Lisa’s been tainted for years and she’s in my mind for all of two seconds before she’s Y/n with her face in the pillow, whole body shaking as I fuck her as hard as I can. The word ‘mine’ repeats in my head as I fuck my fist to the memory of making her mine.

I moan as I cum all over my thighs and stomach, twitching a bit in the aftershocks.

Shit. I wasn’t gonna do this.

I’m so fucking wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can’t…I can’t focus. This Mark is taking over everything. I hurt Charlie. I love Charlie. She’s like…like a sister to me. A real one that feels like a sibling instead of-

“You need Y/n,” Crowley says, appearing on the bar stool next to me. “She’s a calm-”

“Don’t know if you noticed, Crowley, but she ain’t around. She’s got more important shit going on than her twin brother’s psychosis.”

“You know Moose would’ve found ‘er by now if you weren’t so adamant that he not look.”

I turn to glare at the King of Hell. “When did you and Sam get all buddy-buddy? Was it about the time you sold me out ‘cause you got scared I was gonna take your stupid crown?”

“I was not _scared_ of anything, you incestuous rodent. I just wasn’t standing for your blatant disrespect.” I roll my eyes and pick up my beer. “You need to let Sam find Y/n. Or _I’m _gonna have to do it and I don’t imagine she’d like to have a bunch of demons run her down.”

“Tell ya the same thing I told Sam; leave her alone. She does not want to help. She doesn’t want to be around me and she doesn’t care enough about Sam to even answer his fuckin’ emails, so why the hell would you try to force her hand?”

“Maybe she’s not gettin’ the emails,” Crowley suggests and I roll my eyes again. Of course she’s getting them, she’s just not answering. She doesn’t care.

“No, Crowley. Leave my sister alone.” He leaves in a huff, but I focus on my beer.

I oughta go find her myself, drag her home by her fucking hair. Thinks she can deprive me of my fucking other half? It’s not bad enough we both gotta live with what I did to her, she’s not even gonna give me a shot at making it up to her?

She belongs with me. She’s supposed to be here. She fits me so fucking perfectly and she’s off God knows where and I’m half-empty and it’s her fucking fault!

I rub at my forearm and down the rest of my beer. I need to get to the shooting range or something, get this aggression out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s almost two weeks later when I hear voices in the War Room. I’d recognize Y/n’s voice anywhere. I follow it, partly hoping she came of her own accord, that she’s ready to talk it out, but I can hear anger in her tone as I approach.

“We could have neutralized Abaddon without the damn First Blade but those two rushed into this shit headfirst. And who pays the price, huh? Charlie, and _me_, and whoever else he’s fucked up because of the darkness seeping out into his already _dark _fuckin’ soul.” I sneer at that. ‘Dark soul’? Well, I’m not the one who let her brother finger her and fuck her senseless. “I’m not fucking sticking around to try to help him clean up his fucking mess!”

“Y/n, you haven’t even talked to him since-”

“Do you know why I’m here, Sam? Do you know what Crowley wants me to do?!” So, Crowley’s the one that found her. Gonna have to do something about that. “You _do_, and you think I should say ‘yes’.”

“We have to save Dean, y/n,” Sam practically begs. “We can’t just let him become this-”

“I told you both ‘no’, Crowley,” I bite out, looking around the War Room. She’s there. She’s wearing tight jeans, a tank top, reminds me a bit of how Sammy dressed her when he didn’t have his soul. Speaking of Sammy, she’s standing way too close to him.

“‘No’ didn’t mean much when _she_ said it, either…to you _or _me,” Crowley says, raising an eyebrow. I remember her cringing away from me in the strip club, me wrapping my arm around her and forcing her to come with me. “She’s here. Deal with it.”

“Take her back,” I demand, but not because I want her gone…just because I fucking told them no. Y/n cringes, looks pissed at her own reaction, and stomps toward the spiral staircase.

“I’m not going back to the place where he found me so that he can pop in and Cas me away whenever he feels like it,” she snaps. “I’ll get out of here on my own, thanks.”

“Probably best not to mouth off, Y/n,” Crowley says, a bit of amusement in his voice that pisses me off. 

“Don’t talk to her, Crowley.”

She cringes again. “Don’t need your help, Dean,” she growls, rushing the stairs two at a time. Shit, even when I’m trying to defend her, she bitches at me.

“Can you not at least fucking _talk _to each other?” Sam calls out. “He’s not a demon anymore, Y/n!”

“He wasn’t a demon when he chased Jesse out of my fucking life, Sam!” A flash of rage burns across me at the mention of her ex-boyfriend…and she just keeps digging. “He wasn’t a demon in Puyallup either! We all know what he did and why you think I can help him but no one has offered a valid reason why I fuckin’ _should_.”

“Jesse was a piece of shit,” I growl. She stops at the top of the stairs, her chest huffing as she glares down at me. "You deserved better than him.”

“Oh, did I? Because after Jesse, all I got was depression and fuckin’ loneliness,” she snaps and I can feel my lips curl into a sneer again. “Because of _you_. Because you decided that you didn’t want to see me with some other man and that your happiness was so much more important than mine. Bite me, Dean.”

“Guys, don’t do this!” Sam begs. “We’re family, we can-”

“Shut up, Sam!” Y/n and I shout at the same time.

“‘We’re family’ is half the problem here,” Y/n snaps.

“Who the hell are you kidding? Us being family is the _whole _problem,” I argue. “If we weren’t family, there wouldn’t be any issues here.”

“Yes, there would! You chased away every chance at happiness I ever had! You’ve been selfish and terrible and disgusting and fucking _sick _and-” Something in her judgey fucking words snaps something in me. I rush up the stairs and she cowers as I get to the landing. I grab her throat, not too tight, but tight enough to get her fucking attention, and she grabs at my forearm, her nails digging in through my shirtsleeve. 

I hear Sam shout my name. He’s worried for her…but I don’t want to hurt her. I just want her to shut the fuck up and listen. I walk her backward until her back hits the wall by the door.

“Do you know how fucking hard it’s been for me to not track you down and drag you screaming back here where you fucking belong?” I lean down next to her ear. I can feel her fucking heartbeat pounding in her jugular. It must be deafening in her ears. “Do you know how much control this has taken? When I know how you taste-” I’m getting hard. She’s shaking against me. That shouldn’t get me hard. “-what you feel like, the noises you make when you cum? When I _finally _know what makes you moan, how tight your pussy is? Do you know how hard this has been for me?”

She whimpers and I lick my lips, breathe across her neck to watch the skin prickle up. “G-get off’a me,” she says and the words are so weak. “I don’t belong here,” she tries.

The idea that she would belong anywhere else just pisses me off further. I flex my fingers against her throat, hold her up slightly as I push my knee between her legs and press my thigh up against her cunt. “Yes, you do. Right here, sis.” Crowley says something but I don’t hear it. I put more pressure on her cunt, rock my knee against her. Her breath catches. Her eyes flutter closed. She likes it. _Fuck_, she likes it. 

Suddenly, I’m not so pissed off. Suddenly, I just wanna take what’s mine again. I lean forward and run the tip of my tongue along the shell of her ear. Her nails dig further into my arm, but I don’t mind. “You c-can’t,” she stutters.

“Think we’ve proved I can,” I say into her ear. “An’ you fuckin’ like it when I do.”

“Don’t,” she says on a breath. “D-dean, don’t.”

Why? Why not? “Why, huh? Why shouldn’t I?” I ask, pulling back to look in those beautiful green eyes. I loosen my grip on her neck, put extra pressure on her cunt. “Tell me why I shouldn’t bend you over that railing and fuck you ‘til you can’t move…and don’t say it’s because you’re my sister.”

“That’s a reason!” she squeaks, her eyes wide and kinda hopeless. “That’s a big fuckin’ reason!”

I roll my eyes. “Oh, we already broke that seal, Y/n.” I lick my lips as I feel her heat start to soak through my jeans.

“Get off of me,” she repeats and this time it’s stronger. Much stronger. She pushes at my chest, tries to get me to move, but I just glare at her. “I’m your _sister_, not some sex toy to keep your bullshit evil mark at bay.” She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. “I’m not gonna let you do this to me _again_.”

The right hook takes me by surprise and I stumble back away from her. She squares her shoulders, anger taking over her. It’s pretty hot, actually. “I have been trying, for _months_, to cleanse you from me!” She rubs at her knuckles and I prepare to block if she goes for another swing at me. “Out of my life, out of my heart, off of my fucking body!” Can’t get rid of me, baby. “I figured, when I got to Miami, that if I fucked every guy with a smile and a tired line, maybe I could bury what you did to me in a hundred other memories but it’s still fuckin’ there!”

It takes a second to register what she just said. The Mark burns, rage fills me. I reach out and grab a fistful of her hair and the collar of her tank top. “How many?” I ask, lifting her up by my grip on her and slamming her back into the wall. She whimpers and moans but she doesn’t answer, so I ask again. “How many men have you let touch what’s mine?”

“Not yours,” she grunts out through her clenched teeth.

“_How many_?!” I demand. She kicks her right foot out, but I slam her into the wall again. Her head bounces against the stone.

“Four…teen,” she answers weakly, trying to get her breath back from where I knocked it out of her lungs. “Fif-fifteen if you count the one that didn’t finish.”

Fifteen. FIFTEEN?! She let fiftee-

My heart is pounding as rage flows across my entire body and I see red almost literally. “You let ‘em cum in you?” If she says ‘yes’, I’m gonna kill someone…and it might be her.

“I’m not stupid!” she snaps at me, indignation in her tone.

“I fuckin’ disagree.” I let go of her hair and lick my bottom lip between my teeth. “If you were smart, you never would have opened your fuckin’ mouth. Never woulda opened your fuckin’ legs, either.”

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “I had to…had to get you out of me.”

Out of her?! There’s no gettin’ me out of her. “I am a fucking _part _of you, Y/n. Ya ain’t getting rid of me.” And I’m gonna prove it to her. I bring my hand down her body, groping across her breast and down into the front of her pants and underwear. She gasps when my fingertips brush across her pussy lips. “D., please. Not again,” she begs. “Don’t do this.”

I lean down next to her ear again, rub circles across her clit. She jerks on her feet and I rub a little harder. “I have to get them out of you.”

I pull my hand from her pants and use my hand wrapped in her tank top to force her to the stone floor of the landing. I grab the waistband of her jeans and force them down to mid-thigh. Her underwear goes with the denim, the pants are so tight. I push two fingers into her, no preamble, no prep, just working her open and finding all the spots that make her whimper and whine. She gets wet quick, juicing up my fingers as she makes squeaky little noises. 

Fuck, I need her. 

I pull at my belt with my left hand as she starts breathing heavily, and I add another finger to her, pumping them roughly. “Fifteen men. Hands on your skin, tongues in your mouth, cocks in your cunt. _Fifteen_.” She slaps her hand over her mouth when I start rubbing the head of my cock up and down the slit of her pussy lips. She’s so wet, it just slides. “I’m just gonna have to fill you full of cum fifteen times to balance it.”

“D., you-” she starts, and she sounds worried, like she can’t imagine me cumming in her so many times.

“Don’t worry, sis. I ain’t gonna do it all at once. I’ve got good stamina, but that’d be insane.” She seems to bite into her hand as I work myself into her a few inches. “Fuck. Your pussy is…” I slip myself out of her until just the head is inside of her…and then I slam my hips forward, make her scream.

She slaps her hand on the stone floor to hold her body up as I pull back and slowly ease my cock back into her. All that resistance is gone. “I’m gonna fuckin’ wreck you. No going slow this time, no letting you get used to the fact that it’s _me _fuckin’ you.” I slam back into her and she screams again. This time, there’s definitely pleasure in that scream. “I just don’t have the patience for it.”

I grab her hips and start thrusting, yanking her back into me to make her meet my fucking thrusts as I fuck her fast and hard until she’s babbling out ‘fuckfuckfuck’, her fingernails scratching at the floor. She fucking likes it. She likes my cock bruising her fuckin’ cervix and the way I’m digging my fingers into the flesh of her hips. She fuckin’ likes it but she’s been acting like _I’m _sick?

“Gettin’ fuckin’ close, huh?” I lean down next to her ear, still fucking into her like a maniac. “So fuckin’ wet for your disgusting twin. Fuckin’ _judging _me, but you’re gonna cum all over me just like you did last time, so you’re just as fuckin’ bad, aren’t’cha?”

“No, no, no, no!” She shakes her head, wildly.

“Fuckin’ _yes_,” I growl. She moans out a low ‘no’ but then she starts fluttering around me, her body going stiff. I make it a few more pumps before push in as deep as possible and fill her full of cum. Her inner muscles milk my cock for every drop of cum I’ve got. 

“Oh, God,” she whispers, disgust and fear in her beautiful voice.

What did I do? Fuck, what did I do?

My breathing slows. My head clears. The Mark feels satiated fully for the first time in months. I don’t feel crazy for once. Shit, but at what fuckin’ cost? I might not feel crazy, but I am. I fucking raped her _again_. She’s got bruises on her hips. I hurt her. Again. I knew it was a bad idea to bring her here. I run my hand across the bruises on her right hip. I never wanted to hurt her.

She gasps when I pull out of her. She immediately starts dripping cum and that should not be so fucking hot. I help her fix her clothes. Clothes that fit her. She’s wearing clothes that fit…because she wasn’t expecting to be around me. I start to descend the staircase. “Don’t stay,” I say, rubbing my hand over the Mark. I want her to stay so bad but she’s better off away from me and my destruction. “Don’t help me with this. It’s not your problem.”

She steps closer to me, licking her lips. “It never worked,” she says. “The other men, none of them could get me there…and it wasn’t because they were bad in bed, they weren’t. Some were very not bad and some really put the time in but…it never worked.” What is she saying? Is she saying- “Because none of them were my other half.”

She is saying it! I smile a bit as she steps onto the first step. “It’s sick…and wrong, and I am honestly disgusted in both of us but…you’re the only one makes me feel whole.”

I can’t help the giant grin that spreads across my face. I lick my lips and start down the stairs again. She wants to stay. I can’t believe my fucking luck. “Welcome home, sis. I owe you fourteen more.” I wink at her and head down the hallway toward my bedroom. 

That worked out so much better than I was expecting. But…this is fucked up, isn’t it? This is such a bad thing. 

But it feels so fuckin’ good. I feel amazing. Light and happy in a way that just…doesn’t even make sense.

“Yer welcome,” Crowley says, appearing in my bedroom.

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks,” I say, rolling my eyes. 

“How do you feel?” he asks. 

I lick my lips and look away from him. “I mean…_good_. I feel better than I have in weeks, ya know? Look, I really do appreciate what you did, findin’ her for me, but…we shoulda waited ‘til she was ready to come home.”

“She never would have come home, Dean. After what you did, she didn’t even wanna hear yer name.”

“Yeah, well, now she’s stayin’ so…she’s home…and we’re gonna…” I scratch at the back of my head and sigh. “She’s _choosing _to stay and help me. I’ma be okay. So, thank you for findin’ her.”

“Stay sane, Dean.” Crowley disappears and I lay down on my bed. 

‘Stay sane’. With Y/n here with me…that’s doable.


	13. Resistance

**Summary**: Dean is excited to get his new relationship with Y/n on its feet, but she’s just being so damn resistant. _(36 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts, angst, depression, **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!! DUB-CON**, past non-con, manipulation, oral (fem rec) unprotected sex, incest, sister wincest, breeding kink

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jody called us in on a hunt. She didn’t give much details, just asked us to show up. I’m always up for a trip to Sioux Falls. I knock on Y/n’s door and smile when she tells me to come in. “Hey, sis. Jody says she’s got a job for us. Gonna head out soon. I was thinkin’ you could get shotgun instead of Sammy,” I suggest, leaning against her desk.**  
**

“That’s different,” she says.

“Yeah, well…I just…I’ve missed you and you’re back and…and I’d like to get us back to, ya know, how we used to be. Inseparable twins.” She smiles slightly. I know she’s still uncomfortable. I know this whole thing still disgusts her. But she’ll get used to it. It’s all gonna be okay. “And you should wear a skirt.”

Her eyes flash to mine. “A skirt? I don’t…I don’t have much in the way of skirts, Dean.”

“I know you got that long black one. That’d work. Wear a skirt,” I insist. I want to be able to put my hand up her skirt while I’m driving, play with her on the way to Jody’s place. It would be real nice to be able to hear her gasp, see her writhe against my baby’s leather. I leave and go pack my duffel, take it to the garage and load up the cooler with beers. When she walks into the garage, she’s wearing pants. “What happened to the skirt?” I snap.

“I wasn’t in the mood for that. Too cold for a skirt,” she says and it’s a lie. She’s denying me fucking access again!

“Gonna regret that shit,” I mutter under my breath as I get in the car and turn it on. As we pull out of the garage, I reach out and turn the heater on. 

“Dude, what are you doing?” Sam asks from the backseat.

“Y/n’s too cold for a skirt so I’m gonna warm ‘er up,” I answer. 

“That’s kinda immature, Dean,” Sam mutters, pulling his phone out.

Y/n reaches out to try to turn the heat off. I slap her hand. “Don’t touch my Baby,” I snap.

“Seriously, D.?” she squeaks indignantly. “You gonna burn us _all _up just to get back at me for not wearing what you wanted?”

“Yeah,” I confirm. “Don’t touch the window, either.”

The car heats up real fast and Sam and I start pullin’ layers off, jackets and plaid coming off, but Y/n’s bein’ a stubborn little bitch, keeps her jacket, flannel, jeans, all of it, on her body. She’s sweating up a storm though. She’ll break.

“I spent months in South Florida, Dean,” she says when she notices me watching her dab the sweat off of her forehead with her jacket cuff. “It was like the sun lived on my shoulders.” She starts rolling her sleeves up and I smirk a bit.

“And Sam and I have both done time in Hell, so I think you know who’s better equipped to handle the heat.”

She makes it an hour, her face red, her hair dripping sweat, before she takes off her jacket and plaid. Another forty-five and she starts taking her pants off. I win again. 

I flip the heat off and roll down my window, nodding at her to do the same on her side, which she does with gusto. “Thank you,” Sam calls from the back, but neither of us respond to him. He’s got his earbuds in so there would be no point.

“All I wanted was a bit of easy access,” I say and Y/n rolls her eyes at me. “That’s all. Why fight me, huh?”

“You don’t own me, Dean. You don’t get to tell me how to dress,” she spits angrily and I match her for anger. I _don’t _own her, but she’s still fucking _mine_. I reach out and grab her shoulder, pull her against my ride side and drape my arm down over her chest. I slip my hand into the collar of her shirt, into the cup of her bra. Her nipple is hard and I start teasing it. She starts shaking, just a little, and I fucking love it. “Don’t. Sam’s _right _there,” she whines.

“Sam had Crowley serve you to me on a silver fucking platter. He doesn’t get to feign ignorance.” I think about the way he acted when he didn’t have his soul, and how his eyes looked when I told him what I did to her. “Hell, maybe he gets off on it, too,” I suggest.

Tears pop up in her eyes, just along the edges. “No.”

I pinch her nipple hard and roll it between my fingertips. She arches just a bit. “You don’t know. There wasn’t nearly as much disgust in his eyes when I told him as you’d think.” I shift on the seat and nod at my crotch. “Unzip me, Y/n.” She looks up at me and she’s got this pitiful look on her face but then she rolls her eyes and reaches over. “Suck me,” I say when she gets the jeans open.

“_What_?” she squeaks.

I pull my arm back around and pull my cock out of my boxers and adjust how I’m sitting to give her more room. “Suck my dick,” I demand.

“No! Sam is right in the back. I-I _can’t_.”

She’s gonna stop fuckin’ denying me. “I’m either gettin’ road head or I’m pulling off to the shoulder and fucking you with Sam_ right in the back_. Up to you.” She’ll pick the option that gives her the opportunity to fake like Sammy doesn’t know what’s going down in the front seat.

She lowers her body experimentally, knees under her so she’s sitting on her feet. She’s trying to keep herself hidden by the seat back. She wraps her hand around me, starts licking at me. I’m getting hard, but it’s just still so fucking surreal, isn’t it? My twin sister, who I have wanted our whole lives, is using her mouth on my fucking dick. “Eyes on the road,” she says from my lap. “You swerve _once_, I stop.”

“Sure,” I breathe out, trying to focus on the white lines passing.

She starts giving my cock open-mouthed kisses, running her tongue over me until I’m hard and throbbing. She takes me in her mouth and I just…somethin’ comes over me and I buck up into her, get my dick in her throat, grab a fist of her hair to guide her how I want her. I know she’s probably never deepthroated before. I wasn’t really planning to teach her in the front seat of the Impala while driving 75 down the interstate, but damn…opportunity presents itself.

She gets with the program pretty quick, actually. After her arms flail and she’s done with the resistance, she figures out the pace I’m going for, figures out the timing and when to breathe, and starts going for it all on her own. She even starts leaving the head in her throat for a few seconds at a time, swallowing around me. She’s such a fast fuckin’ learner!

I let go of her hair and rest my hand on the small of her back. I love the way she’s rolling her hips against nothing as she sucks me off. She’s bein’ all resistant but she definitely wants something in her. I slide my hand under her waistband and across her ass to slip my middle finger in her pussy. She’s soaked. She moans as I start fucking her. “Fuck, sis. You’re fuckin’ wet. Maybe I should stop the car, anyway,” I suggest.

“Hn-nh,” she disagrees with the idea and increases her efforts, moaning and sucking hard, playing with my balls while I fuck her with my fingers. It’s fuckin’ beautiful.

When I cum, she drinks it down, pulling back to wipe what escaped from her chin as she breathes heavy. I reach out and run my thumb across her bottom lip. “You’re a fast learner, Y/n.”

She licks her lips and swallows, scooting back to her side of the front seat. “You feeling _better_?” she asks, and I nod and put myself away, buttoning my jeans.

“Much,” I answer. I do. I feel a hundred times better than before.

“Done being an asshole for a little while?” she snaps.

“Yeah.”

“I’m putting my clothes back on. Please don’t turn the heat back on,” she begs.

“All right, sis.”

She gets her clothes back on, shares a look with Sam, answers a text, probably also from Sam. Y/n wants him to act like he doesn’t know what’s going on, but Sam can’t do that. I bet he’s got a hard-on right now. Bet he listened to every sound she just made while I fucked her face. Bet he loved it. He’s probably jealous as fuck right now because I get to teach her, I get to have her. She’s all mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knock on Jody’s door and she wraps me in a hug. “Dean! You look so much better than last time I saw you!” Last time she saw me, the Mark had me close to losing my damn mind.

“Yeah, well, I got my other half back,” I say, pulling out of the hug and pointing at Y/n. “She’s always been the calm to my crazy.”

Jody calls her name and rushes her to hug her, too. “The way Sam had me checking out Jane Does across the country, I feared the worst, girlie. Where’d you go?” Jody pulls her into the house.

“Miami,” Y/n answers.

“Miami? Wow, I never would have expected that. Beer?” Jody offers.

“Please and thank you. Yeah, it was kinda the point that no one expected me in Miami. I needed something different,” Y/n lies.

“More like, wanted to run away where no one would look for her,” I correct. Her shoulders go tense and I hate that. I wasn’t trying to berate her.

“Anyway, I took my time and regen’d but…family called, so I came home,” she says.

Crowley stole her, so she came home. Sam begged her so she came home. But I need her, that’s why she stayed home. She’s here for me.

“Well, I’m glad to have you back!” Jody exclaims as Claire walks up.

“Oh, I was wondering where you were. I asked Castiel if you were dead.” And that pissed me right the fuck off when she did. ‘Where’s Y/n? She dead?’ This little teenage bitch tried to have me killed and then she’s askin’ where Y/n is like it’s not a sore fuckin’ subject and now-

“Claire. I haven’t seen you since-” Y/n starts and the little bitch interrupts her.

“I was a little girl? Yeah. That’s been a while.”

Y/n nods. “I heard about your mom. I’m sorry.” Claire shrugs and Y/n nods again. “You getting settled here?”

“Yeah. Jody’s pretty okay.”

“That’s a glowing review from her,” Jody says, smiling. “Come on. Let’s get some dinner in your bellies.”

Jody sets us up with some spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread and beers. I sit next to Y/n, Sam takes the opposite side of her. “So, the case?” Y/n asks, shaking fake parmesan cheese all over the top of her pasta.

“Oh, well, I probably should have told you before you got here, but I’m pretty sure there’s another hunter already working it,” Jody says, reaching for a piece of garlic bread.

“That’s fine. I mean, we’re not elitists or anything. We work with other hunters just fine,” Y/n says.

“Except when they’re killing us,” Sam reminds and I flinch a bit at the idea of a shotgun blast to my chest.

“Roy and Walt don’t count. Shut up,” Y/n snaps and turns back to Jody. She obviously doesn’t like thinking about the Disney brothers either. “What’s the case and why do you think someone else is already on it?”

“Well, I think it’s a ghoul. Grave robberies and a kid swears he saw his dead uncle walking around the other night, but I’m not completely sure. You guys know your monsters better than me.” Jody takes a drink of her beer and smiles at us. “I’ve gotten pretty good at the aliases you guys use, and I know my country music. Had a long-haired, Irish ‘FBI agent’ come into the office yesterday…his creds said ‘Ronald Kix Brooks’.”

I can feel myself sneer at the name, my heart starts pounding and the Mark starts pulsing. I’m pissed. Fuckin’ Jesse is here. “What?” Y/n whispers.

“Yeah, Ronnie Kix Brooks, an amalgam of the guys from Brooks & Dunn,” Jody explains.

“Yeah, we _know_. Y/n’s ex-boyfriend was a big Brooks & Dunn fan,” I bite out.

“His real name’s Jesse O’Reilly,” Sam fills in.

“Seems like a sore spot,” Claire comments, twirling pasta on her fork.

“Yeah, he was a complete douchebag,” I snap and Y/n flinches. “So, he’s here in Sioux Falls?”

“Yeah, he’s staying at the Motel 6 off the interstate. He left his card. I’ve got it in the bedroom.” Jody shakes her head. “He seemed like a nice guy.”

Y/n clears her throat and stands up quick, dropping her fork on the plate and stumbling back away from the table. “I need a minute,” she says before she runs off to the bathroom.

“Jesse was her only real boyfriend and it-it didn’t work out,” Sam explains. He gives me a bit of side-eye, but he doesn’t tell them why it didn’t work out between Y/n and Jesse. He knows she’s better off without him, I’m sure of it.

“Hmmm. I always got a lesbian vibe off of her,” Claire says under her breath.

“Yeah, well, get your gaydar looked at, ‘cause my sister’s not,” I snap, rubbing at the Mark.

“She just…she hasn’t had a lot of opportunity for…for dating,” Sam explains, his ears turning a bit pink.

I wait a few minutes before putting my fork down and standing. “I’m gonna go check on her,” I say, patting Sam’s shoulder as I pass.

I can hear her crying before I even make it to the bathroom door. She’s crying over Jesse. She’s _crying _over that stick-figure with the earring! I barely keep myself from kicking the door down, trying the knob and slipping inside. She’s sitting on the edge of the tub, tears all down her face. I glare down at her. “Just give me a minute, D. Please,” she begs.

“Gave you a minute. Gave you _five_,” I growl, leaning against the sink. “You’re in here crying over that piece of shit!”

“Stop calling him that! What did he ever do to justify you calling him that?” she whispers angrily as she stands up.

Rage shoots adrenaline through my body. “He came in while I was gone and tried to fucking steal you! I was down in Hell and you were up here with _him_, pretending like I never existed. Moving on with your freakin’ life with that guy like I wasn’t down there being tortured.”

She shakes her head at me. “Was I not supposed to move on? Was I not supposed to try to live a damn life?”

“No!” I exclaim in a whisper. “I’m your other half and I was _gone_. You weren’t supposed to replace me with some blue-eyed bastard with a damn earring!”

“You’re my _brother_, Dean, not my boyfriend!” she says and something in me fucking snaps. I grab her by her upper arms and pull her close.

“I’m fuckin both, right now, aren’t I? And I think you need a fuckin’ remind of what you signed up for, sweetheart.” I didn’t come in here for this. I didn’t come in here to scare her or hurt her or fuck her, but damn, I fuckin’ have to now.

“Please, Dean. Not _here_!” she begs, but I can’t stop now. I’m hard already and the Mark fuckin’ wants it. I twist her around, bend her over the edge of the sink.

“Yes. Wherever the hell I _want_, Y/n. Now, hold on and keep your fuckin’ mouth shut. Don’t want Jody and the teenie-boppers to know you’re such a whore for me, do you?” I don’t know why I called her that, but I can’t dwell on it as I drop to my knees behind her and pull her pants and leggings and fucking underwear down. I knock her knees open and kiss her left asscheek before diving in to lick at her cunt.

Fuckin’ love how she tastes. She got the best pussy I’ve ever eaten. She’s so responsive, she gets wet so fast, she tastes like Heaven dripping all over my chin. I start making little happy noises, slurping at her folds, because I just can’t keep ‘em in, but she’s keeping quiet. She’s being so fucking good.

I stop and stand up. Her eyes are squeezed tight. I hope she’s done thinking about Jesse, but if not…I’ll fix that. I lean over her as I pull my belt out of the buckle. “You taste so fuckin’ good, sis,” I whisper in her ear as I get my pants around my ankles and start running the head of my dick between her lips. “Gonna be able to keep quiet?” I ask.

She nods, hangs her head by the faucet as I start to push in. I grab her hair and tug so that she’s looking in the mirror. “Look in the mirror, Y/n. I want you to see your fuckin’ face as I fuck you. Want you to see what I do to you. You won’t be able to deny it anymore if you see it with your own fuckin’ eyes.” Her eyes are all wide, but she’s looking. She’ll see it. She’ll understand. Music starts playing in the living room. Something from Dokken that needs to be played loud. “Good ol’ Sammy,” I say, a bit louder than I would have before the music started.

I put my free hand on her lower back and push into her completely. She whimpers and I fucking love that so much. She’s got pleasure on her face, wetness in her pussy making suctioning noises as I fuck her. Her mouth drops open when I start moving faster, her fingers turning white around the edge of the sink. Still seems like a dream that she likes it, that she cums every fuckin’ time. Seems like a dream that I’ve finally got my other half creaming on my cock like I’ve always wanted. God, it’d be real nice to see something come from it, from raw-dogging my twin sister. “Gonna fuck you full of my fuckin’ babies,” I whisper and just the _thought _of her having my baby is so fucking awesome that I blow my load. As soon as I cum, the Mark backs off. I feel bad about making her do this at Jody’s place. I pull her up against my chest and press loving kisses to her neck and jawline. “I’m sorry. Just…can’t stand you cryin’ over him.”

I pull out, take a second to watch my cum drip out of her before I fix our clothes. She turns to look at me as soon as her pants are secure and I tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ears. Her eyes are a bit red from the crying but she looks better. “I’m right here, Y/n. I’ve always been right here and I love you. Okay?”

“I know.” She nods and looks away from me. “But it’s so fuckin’ wrong, Dean,” she whispers.

‘Wrong’. I wish she wasn’t right with that word. It’s always been wrong. I tip her head back to make her look in my eyes. “I know. You think I don’t know how fucked up this is? I’ve been fighting it more than half our lives, Y/n. But as much as I know it’s wrong, I can’t make myself hate myself over it anymore. I love you. I love making you forget the world, I love how you feel and how you taste. I can’t hate it.” I bend my head to brush my lips against hers. She gasps. “I miss how close we used to be. Let go. Let us be close again,” I almost beg in a whisper before I kiss her for real.

She whines and wraps her hands in my shirt, and when I pull away, she tries to follow before she pulls me down for another kiss. No tongue on either kiss. Just love. Fuck, that’s so nice. I smile at her and she smiles back. “I miss it too, ya know. I only stepped back because I felt like I _had _to,” she admits.

“I know.” I kiss her forehead and step away from her. “You gonna be okay around Jesse?” I won’t hurt him if she says she’ll be okay. I might kill him if she says she won’t. I’ll probably intimidate him away if she says she won’t.

“Guess we’ll have to see, huh?” she answers. It’s not a ‘yes’. It’s not a ‘no’. Guess I’ll have to see if I can hurt him or not. She sprays lavender air freshener to cover the smell of what we did and we double check our clothes before we head out. I grab her plate from the table and take it to the microwave as Y/n sits down, sniffling. “Sorry about that. Jesse, uh, kinda abandoned me…for no reason.” I punch in the numbers and hit start. “Thanks for the boost with the Ladyheart, Sam. I really needed that music.”

I really needed that music to keep what we were doing away from Jody, Alex and Claire. “Can we turn it off now, please? I do not wanna listen to Ladyheart and Bon Jovi and Cinderella and shit while I’m trying to eat,” I say as I set her plate in front of her and reach over to grab mine.

“Put on Creedence. Something we can _all _agree on,” Jody says and I smile as Alex raises an eyebrow.

“Speak for yourself.”

“Uh-huh. Just put on some Backstreet Boys or something,” Y/n jokes and I chuckle. She used to know every word to that damn Backstreet’s Back song.

“Are you trying to get shot?” Claire gripes as Sammy goes to disconnect his phone from the stereo.

“All right! S’ghetti!” I exclaim as I plop into the chair next to my other half. She smiles at me and that just makes everything so much better. I probably won’t hurt Jesse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know Jesse’s at the motel because Y/n stares at a Toyota pickup with a silver cross hanging from the rearview. Sam checks in on her, she says she’s fine. Sam says he’s gonna go get snacks and beers and I go to check us in, leaving Y/n by herself in the parking lot. I turn to look at her while the clerk is running my card, and she’s standing with Jesse. He’s got an attempt at a goatee, his hair much longer and braided. Looks like a Jack Sparrow cosplayer. Y/n looks uncomfortable, unhappy, and I just want to go to her, let her know I’m here for her.

I go out to join her as soon as I have room keys. She’s biting her lips as I walk up and wrap my arm around her. “Hey, look, it’s the Irish Jack Sparrow!” I joke, leaning forward and reaching out to flick Jesse’s earring.

“I’m nah hare fer a fight with ya, Dane. Just hare fer a ghoul,” he says.

“Oh, and we’re not here to fight with you either, Jesse. Here for the same ghoul.” I smile brightly, but I’m thinking about all the different ways I could show him what his insides look like. “I’m sure we can all be civil, take down the monster and move on. What’d’ya say?”

Jesse looks at me, then looks at Y/n, then nods. “Yeah. A’right. We’ll work it together. We’re all adults. No need fer things ta be complicated.”

“Right. Nothin’ complicated here,” Y/n says incredulously. “What room are we in, D.?”

I lift a key in front of her face. “Room 107. We’ll get with you in the morning, Captain,” I say, before bending down to grab the duffel bags and following her to room 107. I kick the door closed and drop the bags on the floor. She’s sitting on our bed so I bounce my ass on Sam’s and look over at her. “You okay? ‘Cause you don’t have to be a part of this hunt. You can stay right here, we’ll say you’re on lore duty.”

“His hair looks ridiculous,” she whispers with just a bit of venom. “And did you see the goatee?”

I smirk. Kinda love seeing her this upset with him. I move over to the other bed. “He always looked ridiculous.” I pull her tight against my side. “He was never good enough for you.”

“What’d you say to him?” she asks before clarifying, “When you told him to leave, what’d you say?”

I sigh. I don’t want her to know about the ring. I don’t want her to know he was going to propose, but I can tell her the rest. “I told him that he was gonna hurt you. That there was no way a man like him settles down and makes a life and if he was stringing you along, if he hurt you…I told him I’d kill him. I was fresh outta Hell, had more than enough reference to tell him exactly how I’d put him down. He chose to run.”

She sighs and closes her eyes. She’s so fuckin’ sad over that prick. “You were right. He could’ve fought back against you. He could’ve convinced you he was worth a damn. But he was scared…and a…piece of shit,” she whispers and I hold her closer as tears pop up in her eyes. “You…you really are the only one who’s always been there for me. Even after…all my distance, all my coldness, you…fuck, you even still called me when you were living with Lisa and Ben, when you were supposed to be forgetting everything about the old life.”

“I couldn’t _not _call you, Y/n.” It’s ridiculous to even think that. “You’re the most important woman in my life.”

She turns in my arms and wraps her arms around my waist, crying into my chest. “I never should’ve been such a bitch. You were right about Jesse. You were right about all of them, weren’t you?”

Yes. “Shhhh, that doesn’t matter, Y/n. I’m here for you. I got’chu,” I whisper, running my hand over her hair to smooth it down as she cries. “Not goin’ anywhere.”

I lean back to lay on the bed and she keeps crying until she starts to fall asleep. Sam knocks on the door and I gently put her head on the pillow so I can get up to let him in. He’s got two big paper bags of supplies and he sets them on the table and looks over at her. “She okay?” he whispers.

“Yeah, we ran into Lucky Charms. She realized I was right about him.” I shrug. It had to happen eventually. “She’ll be all right. Should probably wake her up, get some PJs on her. She hates passin’ out in her day clothes.”

I unzip her duffel and start digging through it, looking for her sleep shorts and a tank top or a camisole for her to wear for the night. A flash of soft pink catches my eyes and I dig in more, pull out a pink compact that says ‘**Sprintec (norgestimate and ethinyl estradiol tablets USP, 0.250 mg/0.035 mg)**’ on the back. Birth control. She’s on fucking birth control?!

The Mark fucking _burns _as I stomp into the bathroom and open the compact, pouring the pills into the sink and rinsing them down the drain. Sam steps in my way as I try to get back to her. He looks scared for her. “Dean. Don’t. She-”

“I know _why_, Sam! She shoulda told me!” I push him out of my way and climb on the bed. She’s got her eyes squeezed shut, but she’s gonna fuckin’ look at me. “Look at me!” She opens her eyes and looks up at me. “I understand, sis. I do, but I can’t let you stay on the pill. I need to see you swell with our baby, Y/n.” I run my hands up to her boobs and grab them roughly. God, just the idea of her pregnant…fuck. “I need these tits full and sensitive. I need the beautiful green-eyed combination of you and me that we’re going to make. There’s nothing the Mark would love more.” And me. There’s nothing I would love more. Fuck. _Need_.

I grab her shirt in my hands and rip it down the middle. She whimpers and I pull her bra down, biting and sucking hard at her boobs. Sam retreats to the bathroom…oops, forgot he was in the room. He probably saw her tits. That pisses me off. Oh well.

I grab her pants and underwear and pull them all off. I get my dick outta my pants and line it up and get inside of her. Fuck, is she just _always _wet? Because I did barely anything for foreplay and she is soaked. She wraps her legs around me. She’s going with it. Fuckin’ beautiful. Never get over that she likes it.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she rambles.

I slow down, a bit of the rage leaving me. I can hear Sam in the bathroom, little grunting noises. He’s getting off on this, too. I lean down and nibble at her earlobe. “I think…Sammy’s jackin’ off…in there,” I whisper and Y/n whimpers. I lean back to look in her eyes. “Maybe he likes hearin’ you when you cum, too. All these pretty whimpers and whines. The breathy moans.”

She shakes her head. She doesn’t want to believe Sam might be just as sick as us. Like she’s completely forgotten how he acted when he didn’t have his fucking soul. She doesn’t want to know, just like she didn’t want to know about me. “No. No, he’s not…he’s ignoring…didn’t want to see this, that’s why he ran.”

“Nah. Think he likes it. Think he’s got his pants around his ankles and his cock in his hand, fuckin’ his fist and pretending it’s your tight cunt.”

“No,” she denies, but her cunt clenches around my cock.

I scrape my teeth across her shoulder and she cries out…and so does Sammy. A loud moan from the bathroom. I fuckin’ _knew _it! “Even if he wants you too, he can’t have you. Know why?”

“Because I’m yours,” she whispers immediately.

“Good girl,” I respond, picking my pace up. I bury my face in the crook of her neck and fuck her hard as I can. I cum inside of her and kiss her neck while I wait for my dick to get soft. “No more pills, Y/n.”

“No more pills,” she agrees after a few minutes. I kiss her and roll off of her, tucking my dick away and tossing her a pair of shorts and a tank top. 

She gets changed quick and I smile as Sam walks out of the bathroom. His cheeks are pink. Fuckin’ pervert. “You have fun in there, Sam?” I ask. I can’t help but tease him.

“Shut up, Dean,” he grumbles as he throws himself down on his bed.

“Ya know, there’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re just as fucked as us,” I push.

“Dean, stop,” Y/n begs, avoiding everyone’s eyes.

“Nah, I’m just sayin’ we aren’t gonna judge so why-” 

“Shut up, Dean!” Y/n snaps. She really does _not _want to think about Sam getting off to her.

I put my hands up in surrender and grab my keys from the table. “I need something stronger than beer. I’m gonna hit the liquor store down the street.”

I pull into the liquor store and park, just sit there for a minute. She’s not on birth control anymore. Means every time I cum in her, I might get her pregnant. I might get to be a father…me and my other half coming together to create a perfect little Bobby-John Winchester or Mary Winchester. Fuck, that’s so awesome. I can’t fuckin’ wait.


	14. Resignation

**Summary**: Dean lets the Mark take him on a quest for vengeance against the Stynes which negatively impacts his twin. _(36 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: incestuous thoughts, angst, depression, **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!! DUB-CON**, past non-con, manipulation, oral (male rec) unprotected sex, incest, sister wincest, breeding kink, violence to reader, canon-appropriate violence

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t sleep good unless Y/n’s in my bed with me. She’s helping me with the Mark, but it’s still...it’s gettin’ worse. I can feel it.

I turn over and wrap my arm around her middle, pull her back against me. She moans in her sleep and wiggles her ass against my dick. Fuck, I just wanna wake her up by splitting her open on my cock, but last time I did that she called it ‘an invasion’. Maybe I can get her wet and ready before she even wakes up and then she’ll _want _me to fuck her. I start kissing her neck and caressing her thigh. I’m hard as hell, but I don’t slip it in yet. I let her wake up.

She gasps as I slip my hand between her thighs and start rubbing circles over her clit. “D.” she whines and I dig my teeth into the meat of her shoulder. “Oh, God. S-stop. Gimme-a-minute,” she babbles out quickly, rolling out of bed and running to the sink. I sit up as she starts spewin’ into the sink. She turns on the water to wash it down the drain and turns to look at me. “Sorry, Dean. The leftovers from last night obviously weren’t good.”

“You sure you’re okay?” I ask, but part of me really doesn’t care. Part of me just wants her back on the bed so I can get inside of her.

“Yeah. It’s no big deal. I’m, uh, gonna go brush my teeth. I’ll be right back, brother.” She rushes out of my room and I roll my eyes, throwing my head back onto the pillow. I wrap my hand around my dick and start jackin’ it. I wanna fuck her. I wanna fuck a baby into her.

She smells minty when she comes back and her eyes go dark when she sees my cock. “You want some?” I ask, letting go of my dick and beckoning to her with two fingers.

“My stomach’s still a little wonky, so no blowjob this morning, okay?” she says and I nod.

“Baby, right now, I just wanna make you moan and fill you full of cum. Now, com’ere.” She smiles this cute little smile and jumps on the bed, crawling to me. I grab her face and kiss her hard, licking at the toothpaste taste in her mouth as she makes these whiny noises. “You’re so fucking gorgeous.” She grabs at my shoulders as I pull her into my lap, line my dick up with her tight little entrance, and thrust up into her. The noise she makes is like every good porn actress I’ve ever heard.

She starts rolling her hips and clenching around me as I wrap my fingers around her hips and force her to move faster. “D-Dean, shit, th-this...fuck, D.”

I start giving her little biting kisses along her jawline and her earlobe and I just love the fucking sounds she makes as she’s bouncing on my dick. “You feel so fuckin’ good, sis.”

“Y-you feel so good, too, D.”

“Not gonna last,” I groan.

“Fill me up,” she whispers and I lose it. I pull her down hard and cum as deep inside of her as I can. We just sit there for a few minutes, panting, before she taps my shoulder. “Le’go me. I’m exhausted.”

“You slept all night,” I argue.

“I’m...still tired,” she says, pulling up out of my lap and lying on her side.

“Oh-kay...you get some more rest. I’m gonna hit the range,” I say, rolling out of bed and getting dressed.

I hit the shooting range, get some good time in at the gym, then I go to the library and pull out my laptop. I don’t know why I make sure there’s no one around before I pull up Google, but I do and then I type “**Earliest signs of pregnancy**” into the search box. The website I end up on says that changes start happening to the body as soon as conception, but most aren’t noticeable for a few weeks. Tender, swollen breasts are a given with how often I grope her, but the rest?

‘Weakness’, ‘Tiredness’, ‘Water weight gain’, ‘Nausea’...and something called ‘Implantation Bleeding’ which I guess coulda been the other day when she thought she was getting ready to start her period and told me the next day that she must’ve been mistaken. Is she...are we...holy fuckin’ shit, is she pregnant?

Sam walks in and I click out of the website, pulling up bustyasianbeauties.com and logging in quick. I don’t want him to know what I’m thinkin’. I don’t want _her _to know yet, either. ‘Cause I might be jumping the gun. I might be blowin’ bad Chinese food and a sick stomach outta proportion and I don’t wanna get anyone excited ‘til I’m sure.

But I can’t help smiling like an idiot as I pretend to look at the site. I’m really feelin’ Robert John Winchester if it’s a boy. What if it’s a girl, though? Naming it after Mom makes sense, but ‘Mary’ is such a plain name for a girl that’s gonna be as gorgeous as Y/n. But what about as a middle name? Bella Mary? Callista Mary? There’s gotta be prettier names that mean ‘Beautiful’. I’ll look ‘em up when Sammy’s not looking over my shoulder.

“What, Sam?” I snap, looking over my shoulder at him.

“You’ve had a pop-up covering Asa Akira’s boobs and face for five minutes. You okay, dude?”

I roll my eyes and slam my laptop closed. “Don’t look at my screen unless I invite you to, man. That’s just rude,” I bitch before walking out of the library with my laptop under my arm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have never wanted to wring Sam’s neck as much as I do right now. He has the Book of the Damned. Lied to me all this fucking time! Got Cas in this shit, got Charlie…

All the things he’s done in the past, lying about Ruby, drinkin’ demon blood, letting Lucifer outta his box, all the shit he did when he was soulless, even the shit he did to Y/n...none of that even touches this. Charlie is dead, Y/n looks like she’s about to fall apart, and it’s on him. It’s all on him.

We stack up a pyre in the woods. None of us say a word as we do it. I’m so pissed off at Sam that I can barely see straight, the Mark is burning on my arm as I try to contain the rage I’m feeling.

Y/n stumbles a few times. She’s still sick. She’s still weak and I’m _trying _to be worried about her, but I’m so pissed off. We’ve lost Charlie and that takes precedence over the “Is she or isn’t she?” debate.

I pick the body up and take her over to the pyre. Sam helps me get her on and I have to fight not to deck him. Y/n lights the fire and looks like she’s gonna hurl as the flame takes off. She’s crying hard, like I haven’t seen her cry since Lucky Charms left her, and she’s leaning into me. She’s more emotional than I’ve seen her. She used to turn off her emotions so easy. Another tick in the ‘Is she?’ column.

“Charlie. We’re gonna miss you,” Sam starts speaking and I want to strangle him. Tear his voice box out so he can’t ever speak again. “You were the best and I’m so sorry-”

“Shut up,” I snap. Sam looks over like he’s surprised I told him to shut his face. “You got her killed, you don’t get to apologize.”

Y/n leans closer to me as I stare at the fire. “We were trying to help you,” Sam defends.

“I didn’t need help. I _had _Y/n. I told you to leave it alone!”

“What was I supposed to do, just...watch you die?”

Die. I’m not gonna die. The Mark isn’t going to _let _me die. “The Mark isn’t gonna kill me.”

“Maybe not, but...when it’s done with you, you won’t be _you _anymore,” he says and that’s supposed to excuse what he’s done, right? That’s supposed to make it better? “Look what it’s already done. Look what you’ve done to Y/n.” He’s just fucking jealous that I get her. “Dean, you two are all I’ve got. So of course I was gonna fight for you because that’s what we do. And listen, I had a shot-”

“Yeah, you had a shot,” I interrupt as I turn to look at him. “Charlie’s dead. Nice shot.”

Sam can’t look me in the eyes, so he looks at Charlie’s burning corpse. “You think I’m…” He looks away from the fire and up to the sky, trying not to cry. He bites his lip and turns to face me and Y/n. “You think I’m ever...ever gonna forgive myself for that?”

“You wanna know what I think?” I turn to look at him. “I think it should be _you _up there, not her.” Y/n gasps out loud, shocked that I’d say something like that, that I’d even think it, but I can’t help that’s how I feel. She looks like she might fall over, so I wrap my arm around her waist to hold her up. “This thing? With Cas and the book, it ends now. Shut it down before someone else gets hurt. Someone like Cas or Y/n. You understand me?” I’ll never forgive him if he gets Y/n hurt.

He doesn’t respond immediately, turns back to the flame. “And what about you?”

“Oh, I’m gonna find whoever did this. And I’m gonna rip apart everything and everyone that they ever loved...and then I’m gonna tear out their heart.” The Mark pulses at the idea of revenge, of destruction and murder.

“Is that _you _talking, or the Mark?”

Like the Mark isn’t me by now. Like I’m not part of it as much as it’s part of me. “Does it matter?” I dismiss before walking away. My arm is still around Y/n’s waist to make her follow me. She stumbles a bit on the way back to the Impala, but I don’t really care.

“Dean.” Her voice pulls me back a bit and I let her go, set her against the trunk of the car and take a deep breath. She wants to come with me, I can see it in her eyes. But if she _is _pregnant...it’s too dangerous. “D.”

“You can’t come with me, Y/n.”

She shakes her head like she doesn’t get it. “Why? I wanna avenge Charlie just as-” she starts to argue, but I shut her down.

“You’ve been sick and weak and tired for two days, Y/n. Now you’re emotionally drained and sad on top of it.” I sigh and catch her eyes. She makes me wanna let go of the anger. She makes me wanna find solace in her body, her kiss. I can’t let go of it, though. “And I can’t be pacified for this. I need every ounce of rage the Mark can give me.”

She reaches out and grabs my jacket, pulling me just a bit closer to her. “What if they kill you?” she whispers.

“Then I come back with black eyes, I massacre them all and then I come find you,” I answer. She wouldn’t mind the demon coming back, would she? I made sure she had fun when I was rockin’ the black eyes. She moves her hands up to the back of my neck and pulls me down for a kiss. My dick immediately starts getting hard as I press her into the side of my baby, images of bending her over the hood and fucking her until we both forget why we’re sad flooding my head. “Fuck, I want to fuck you so bad,” I whisper as I pull back and shake my head to try to clear it of her. “But I _can’t_. When I get back...baby, I promise when I get back I’ll fuck the thoughts outta both of our heads, but right now?”

She nods...and she doesn’t look completely put out that I’m leavin’ her behind. Small favors. “I understand,” she says quietly. She’s so understanding. She’s gonna make a good mother. I pull the keys out of my pocket and walk around to the driver’s side door. “I love you, Dean.”

God, I never get tired of hearing her say those words again.

“I love you, too. Get some rest. Don’t let Sam do anything else stupid, okay?”

“Like I could stop him,” she replies and I nod as I get in the car. She couldn’t. He’s the smartest dumbass I’ve ever met and even Y/n can’t curb those tendencies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These backwoods bastards bashed up my baby! I don’t care that they stopped me without cause and arrested my ass, but they took a nightstick to my car! I’m gonna kill ‘em. Can’t pick this lock with the dickbag sitting right in front of me, goin’ through my fake IDs, so I’m probably just gonna have to get his keys.

“Ozzy Osbourne, Lemmy Kilmister, Freddy Mercury. Damn. I mean, they said you were a pro, but…”

They. They who? “Who said that?” I ask.

Obviously wasn’t expecting that question. “I’ll ask the questions here,” he covers, and I nod. Idiot. “Like, for example, you got seventeen fake IDs and a trunk full of guns, knives, freakin’ ninja stars...I mean, who are you, man?”

Gettin’ really tired of listenin’ to this prick talk. “I’m the guy that’s gonna get out of here in about...thirty seconds,” I answer.

He scoffs, underestimating me. His mistake. “Yeah. Right.” I smirk and lean forward, keeping eye contact as I slowly push his mug of pens (why does every cop have a mug of pens on their desk?) off the desk to hit the carpet. “Real mature.”

I look around to make sure that no one else is in the office as he comes around the desk to pick up the mess I made. As soon as he’s down, I hit him, grab his arm, twist him around, brace his arm between my legs and demand the keys to the handcuffs. Once he gets them out of his pocket, I kick him in his stupid face to knock him out. I take his gun once I’m out and go searching for the dickbag that pulled me over. He’s on his phone when I find him in his office.

“He was driving a ‘67 Impala, just like you said.” So they _were _sent to stop me. “Sure, can do.”

“Who you talkin’ to?” I ask and he turns to me, shocked. Obviously wasn’t expecting me in his office with a gun.

“I...nobody.”

I raise the gun and advance on this piece of shit. “Nobody?” I pistol whip him in the face. “That is for lying to me, and that-” I do it again. “-is for my baby. Now.” I grab him and throw him down on his desk, pistol right against his fat chest. “Who were you talking to?!”

“Monroe Styne. He said if I saw you I was supposed to bring you in...and then call him.”

“Monroe. Any relation to Eldon?” I ask. He looks confused that I know the name.

“His daddy,” he answers.

“Where can I find him?” I demand.

“You can’t take on the Stynes. They own this town. They’re practically gods around here.”

“Yeah...well, I kill gods.” These men aren’t gods, though. They aren’t even monsters. They’re dead...just don’t know it yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A plastic bag. Really? What kinda bullshit response to a home-invasion is ‘choke him out with a plastic bag? I guess that’s probably to keep from damaging my organs, which...might be smart. That white-haired motherfucker is looking down at me when I regain consciousness. I’m lying on a metal operating table, hands bound to my sides when I wake up.

“Mornin’, sunshine. Monroe Styne. Pleasure,” he greets me.

“Ditto. I’d shake your hand, but, uh…” I kinda half-shrug.

“Well, I have to say, I _am _impressed. The way you charged in here, all guns blazin’...I’d buy tickets to that show. You didn’t think that was actually gonna work, did you?”

“Usually does,” I answer.

“Then I guess you know what comes next.”

I look over at the hot chick in the forties-era nurse outfit cleaning surgical instruments. Yeah. They’re gonna kill me. Knew this might happen. “You’re gonna play Operation.”

“It is my favorite game,” he says with just a bit too much glee.

“Don’t do this,” I warn.

“Well, uh, son, we are...we are past the bargaining stage,” Monroe says. He thinks I’m trying to talk my way out of it.

“No. The-” I shake my head at these ignorant pieces of shit that really don’t know what they’ve got themselves into. “The Mark on my arm means that I can’t die. I’m not bargaining. You flatline me, I _will _come back. But I’ll come back with black eyes...and then you’ll all die.”

The younger one is looking down at me, standing at the head of the operating table. “And we’ll let you go, then what? You’ll just mosey on down the road?”

Oh, I’m not leaving. “No. But I will be human. So maybe a few of you live. Maybe.”

Monroe doesn’t look impressed. “You make a compelling case, and I-I hope you’re right. Because a man that doesn’t die, well now, that is a _perfect _lab rat.” The young one gags me with a piece of cloth and I start working on the cuff on my right wrist. Not hard to break. “All right. Let’s crack this piñata.”

He picks up a scalpel and goes to cut me, doesn’t even cut the shirt off first. I break my hand out of the cuff before he can draw blood, though, grab his wrist and slam my head into his face. He stumbles backward and I grab the bonesaw off of the cart, use it to break the other cuff and immediately slash the young one’s throat with it. Nurse Styne comes at me with a syringe, no doubt full of something to put me to sleep, but the bitch is tiny and doesn’t know a damn thing about fighting so her needle ends up in her carotid. Whatever was in that syringe...probably enough to kill her.

Monroe is crawling away. Literally on his hands and knees heading for the door. I pull the cloth outta my mouth and advance on him. I run him face-first into the steel door and get him in a headlock. Choking him out a bit won’t kill him, but damn it feels good. Making him look at members of his family, dead and bleeding in front of him. “You took something from me. Now, I’m gonna take everything from you.”

“It’s too late,” he gasps out. “Your home...your family...they...will-”

Eldon went back to the bunker. There are more Stynes and they’re at the bunker. I snap Monroe’s neck and toss him away before grabbing the gun out of the holster under his arm.

I’m sure Y/n can hold her own until I finish killing every single Styne in this building. Sam’s probably with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door’s blown in. There’s a kid in the library, looking at the books, but he’s not my priority. Gotta find Y/n. I can hear her in the medlab. She’s crying, moaning. I hear grunts and punches and kicks landing. She’s being beaten to death. I pull a knife and head into the lab. There’s this big dude kicking the shit outta Y/n. She’s bloody on the floor, curled in on herself. Big dude barely sees me coming, stumbles out of the medlab with my knife embedded in his back. I drop down next to Y/n. She’s still breathing, got a good strong heartbeat...and there’s two more Stynes to dispatch, the one in the library and Eldon. “I’ll be right back, sister,” I promise before walking out.

I follow the big dude to the library. He falls down dead on the stairs. Eldon calls out his name, but I immediately don’t give a fuck so it’s gone. I step into their view and up the stairs. “Well, there he is. I hope you brought marshmallows,” Eldon says and I can see that they’re about to start a bonfire with all our books, my records, and clothes. Not surprisingly...I don’t fucking care.

“Been lookin’ for you,” I say.

“Oh, yeah? Why’s that? Oh wait. You’re not still sore about, um, what’s’er name?”

I take a deep breath. He’s gonna know her name before I take his head off. “Charlie. Her name was Charlie.”

“Yeah, well,” he starts as he pulls his suit jacket off. “Chucky, she got what she deserved. Wanna know how I did her? It’s a kinda funny story-”

“Shut up,” I demand as he starts rolling up his sleeves.

“Straight to it, then? I respect that.” Does this prick ever stop talking? “See, you got lucky before. This time, I’m sporting some new upgrades. See, my old man-”

“Your old man’s dead,” I interrupt. There’s a bit of joy in the way his eyes go just a bit wide. “They’re all dead.” The kid’s eyes go huge. “So, you can save me the speech on the, uh, three hearts, the two spleens, the seven nipples...for the ladies...or the fellas, I don’t judge. But even with all that, you still only have one brain.”

He doesn’t get what I’m saying. “So?”

I pull my gun and shoot him right between his eyes and he drops like a sack of shit. I aim the pistol at the kid and he puts his hands up. “No no no no no, don’t! Don’t!” he begs.

“Why not? You’re one of them.”

“No. No, I’m not! Okay, I hate my family! See, look! No stitches!” He lifts his shirt up to show me his chest. “I’m not like them, I promise!” he begs and his voice shakes with his nerves.

“Oh, you _are _like them. There’s bad in you. It’s in your blood,” I say as I step closer to him, pistol still aimed at his face. “Now you can deny it and you can run from it all you want, but that bad...will always win.” The Mark on my arm pulses. I’m not just talkin’ ‘bout the kid, am I?

“I’ll do anything you want. Okay, please. You don’t need to do this. Please,” he begs, looking at the bodies of his family.

“Yeah.” I lift the gun. I’m really considering letting the kid go for a minute, but then the Mark burns and I get a flash of Charlie in that motel bathtub. “I do.” I aim and put a bullet through him just like I did Eldon...but two bodies hit the floor this time. I look behind me to see Y/n on the floor next to the Map Table, just bleeding all over the damn place. Must’ve followed me instead of staying in the medlab where the medical supplies are. She’s dumb as fuck sometimes.

“Dean! What have you done?” Cas runs up and checks the kid. “You killed him,” he accuses.

“I took down a monster,” I respond, flicking the safety on my gun and tucking it into the back of my jeans. “Because that’s what I _do_. And I’ll continue to do that until…”

“Until you _become _the monster.”

“Maybe you should check on my sister,” I say, pointing at Y/n. “These bastards put her through a wringer before I got here.”

He barely looks at her before he says, “She’s not dying.”

“Then you can leave now, Cas,” I say, turning away from him.

“No. I can’t. Because I’m your friend.”

Friend. What bullshit! “Really?” I turn back to him and walk over. “Well, let me ask you somethin’. You screw over _all _your friends?”

“Sam and I were trying to cure you. We still are!”

“Like hell.”

“We can read the Book now,” he says, like that makes everything okay.

“Oh, so what? So, you might find a spell that might take this crap off my arm? Well, even if you do, what’s it gonna cost? ‘Cause magic like that does not come free. No, it comes with a price that you pay in blood. So, thanks, but I’m good.” I turn away from him and start to walk away.

“No!” He grabs my shoulder and walks around in front of me to stop me. I look down at his hand on me...that was a mistake, angel. He lets go but he keeps talking. “You’re not. Maybe you _could _fight the Mark for years. Maybe centuries like Cain did. But you cannot fight it forever. And when you finally turn, and you _will _turn...Sam, Y/n, and everyone you know, everyone you love...they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I’m the one who will have to watch you _murder _the world. So if there’s even a small chance that we can save you, I won’t let you walk out of this room.”

“Oh, you think you have a choice.”

“I _think _the Mark is changing you.”

I’m not changed. “You’re wrong,” I say.

“Am I? Because the Dean Winchester_ I_ know would never have murdered that kid,” he says, looking behind me.

I give the kid a side glance and shrug. “Yeah, well, that Dean’s always been kind of a dick,” I say before trying to walk past him. He stops me again. Big. Fucking. Mistake, Cas.

“Dean. I don’t want to have to hurt you.”

“I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem.”

I’ll give Cas credit for persistence. He just keeps getting back up. No matter how many bones I break in his face. No matter how much of his blood I shed. He is invested in ‘saving’ me. I get him down, grab his angel blade and I _really _consider just ending him. He was part of the scheme that got Charlie killed. He’s part of why she’s gone and it would be justice if I put him down just like the Stynes. But I don’t. I stab the blade into the book next to his head and stumble back away from him. “You and Sam stay the hell away from me! Next time, I won’t miss,” I threaten as I walk down the stairs. I kneel next to Y/n. She’s beat to hell. I don’t wanna leave her behind, but damn...can’t really take her with me when she’s this fucked up.”Sis, I’ma have to leave you here.”

She groans and tries to grab my shirt. “No, D. Please.”

“You’re too hurt right now. You’d only slow me down,” I explain. “Cas can heal you, after he gets done healin’ himself, and then I can come find you later, okay?” I’ll always come find her. She’s mine.

“D., but-” she tries again but I just pat her shoulder and stand. Gotta get outta here before Sam shows up.

“See ya, other half.” She’ll be all right. Cas will fix ‘er up and everything will be fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rudy called me up, begged me to come help him with this vamp case he picked up. Dude’s such a fuckin’ amateur. He’s gonna get himself killed...or the young woman the vamps still have in their clutches.

I take a break. I’ll talk to the dead girl’s parents tomorrow, maybe they can shed some light on where their daughter was going, dressed like a two-dollar streetwalker. I’m halfway through my third beer when there’s a knock on my motel door. I look through the peephole and see Y/n standing there. She looks a lot better now that she’s not covered in blood.

I open the door. “Thought I told you I’d come find you.”

“Couldn’t wait that long,” she answers and I smile a little. She’s drawn to me.

I move out of the way and she walks into the room. “And how’d you find me? I turned off all the GPSs.”

“Rudy called to see if Sam and I were gonna be participating in the hunt he called you in on. Wanted to know if he could take me out for a drink if we were,” she says and I want to destroy him for even thinking about it.

“Oh, really?” I slam the door and turn to her.

“Be glad he’s got a crush on me, D., or he might’ve called Sammy and dropped your location to him instead.”

That’s a valid point, but...I’m pissed that idiot was hitting on her. “Uh-huh. Did you tell Sammy my location?”

She shakes her head and takes a look around the room. “No. He’s still back in Lebanon...probably still working with Cas to get that Mark off of you...because neither of them know when to say ‘quit’.”

The most stubborn bitch I’ve ever met, who’s resisted me since I was a demon, is bitching about Sam and Cas bein’ stubborn? I pick up my beer from the desk and drink a gulp. “_You’re _gonna lecture on stubborn?”

She steps in front of me and looks up into my eyes. There’s something so sad and soft in her eyes. “Dean...I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“What for?” I ask. I can think of a lot of things she should apologize for. The men in Miami, the fact that she was a bitch to me for half our lives, the way she still-

“Making things so difficult...through all of this.” That’s one. She takes my beer and sets it aside on the mini-fridge. “For fighting it so hard. I love you, Dean. I need you, need my other half, and I...I didn’t mean to push you away.” There’s something so desperate in the way she’s got her hands wrapped in my shirt. She’s desperate for me?

“Yeah, you did,” I argue.

“Well, I shouldn’t have.”

I rest my hands on her hips. She’s wearing the hip-huggers I bought her. “No, you shouldn’t have. But I’ll forgive you for it,” I say, grabbing her hips hard. She shivers and I just fuckin’ love it. I’m already gettin’ hard. “But you’re gonna have to get on your knees and earn my forgiveness.”

She smiles this sweet smile. It’s beautiful when she looks at me like that. “Can I have a kiss first?”

I lower my head to hers, press a kiss to her lips as I pull her body against mine. She deepens the kiss, runs her tongue along mine, but I need her to get her mouth on my dick. I push her to her knees and pull open my belt.

She goes to work as soon as I pull my dick out, licking and kissing at the head. She’s so fuckin’ good at this. I taught her everything she knows about giving a blowjob. This is 100% my influence. Except that enthusiasm. She seems to love goin’ down on me as much as I love it.

I wrap my hand in her hair as she’s going at me. “Harder,” I grunt and I twist my fingers in her hair. She sucks harder and starts moving faster and I just close my eyes and tilt my head back. “That’s right. You’re so fucking good at that, sis. Take my cock like a pro, baby.”

She starts playing with my balls, gets my cock almost into her throat and starts rolling her tongue across me. “Up.” I pull her to her feet by her hair and she licks her lips until I kiss her, pulling her pretty pink flannel off as she pushes my pants and boxers down my legs.

“Need you,” she moans as I push her toward the bed.

“Need, or want?” I ask. I don’t know which answer I want more.

“Both,” she whispers as I lay my body over hers, licking and biting at her neck. She grabs at me. “Dean, please.”

I shush her. “Got’chu,” I whisper, grabbing at her curves with one hand and burying the other one between her thighs. She rolls her hips as I slip my middle finger inside of her. She’s soaked. “So wet.”

She whines. I love that sound. “Fuck. Please.”

She wants my cock, but she’s not anywhere near prepped. “What, you want me to hurt you?” The Mark tingles at the idea. “I can do that.”

“No, but I want you to fuck me, please. It won’t hurt. Please,” she begs and that’s all I need. I kiss her hard and pull my finger out of her, grab her thigh and hitch her leg at my hip. I push in slow, give her the chance to adjust, and she’s got that blissed-out look on her face. She digs her fingernails into my shoulders as she kisses me, bites at my bottom lip as she kisses me.

“Fuck,” I groan into her pretty mouth as I get myself completely inside of her and she clenches around me. “God, so good.”

I tuck my arms under her shoulders and hold her to me as I fuck her in harsh, hard thrusts. She needs me. What she said, she needs me. I don’t know why she suddenly needs me as much as I need her, but I’m not questioning it. I’m just holding onto her. For just a few precious moments, I almost feel like myself again.

She screams as she cums. Just sound and fury as she clenches hard around me. I drop my head to her shoulder and cum deep inside her. I pull out and drop to the bed next to her. I’m kinda exhausted but I feel good. I pull her against my chest and wrap my arms around her. Everything feels good for a little while as she falls asleep in my arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a lifetime of loving Y/n, of wanting her in the worst of ways, I don’t really know how to deal with the fact that I just..._don’t _anymore. Ever since the Mark came off of my arm, ever since the Darkness got released, I just...don’t...want her. Of course, all that disgust I felt growing up about how I loved her, that’s all come back full-force...without the feeling of love and devotion that I always backed it up with.

I don’t know what to do. So I avoid her. I avoid talking to her and looking at her and I go out of my way to keep from touching her. I know she doesn’t understand and I don’t really understand how to explain it to her...so I don’t really try.

I let her have her space. I know she’s upset about it, but I don’t know how to help her. So, I let her stay in her bedroom. I don’t check on her. I let her wallow.

It’s a couple weeks after the Mark comes off that I walk into the War Room and set up my laptop on the Map Table. Y/n is in the library with Sammy. Look at her, outta her bedroom. “Maybe, if you’re feeling unfulfilled...I could help you out,” Sam says, nice and loud to make sure I hear.

I should feel jealous. I should be angry that he’s trying to poach my other half, but...nothing but disgust for the fact that he’s just as fucked as I used to be. I open my laptop and pull up bustyasianbeauties.com. She starts to walk away from him, but he grabs her head and kisses her. She makes this little squealing noise and Sam pushes her into the table, knocks over some books. I sigh and pull out my headphones, setting them in my ears as she stomps away crying.

Sam glares at me. Fuck. What am I supposed to do here?

I go to bed and wake up to Sam throwing open my bedroom door. “Y/n’s gone!”

“What?” I ask, sitting up and rubbing my fingers over my eyes.

“She _left_, Dean. Dropped a note for you on the table, packed a damn bag and _left_.”

Sam flings a neatly folded note on the end of my bed and I reach out and pick it up. My name is written on the outside in her pretty handwriting and inside is the perfectly succinct sentence, ‘_**I hate you almost as much as I hate myself**__’_. I lick my lips and reread it a few times. I didn’t mean to make her hate herself. I’d rather she just hate me.

“How long you think she’s been gone?” I ask, looking up at him.

“No more than four hours. I walked through the kitchen a little after midnight and the note wasn’t there.”

I sigh and nod. “Call Jody. She’ll go there first,” I say, folding the note and setting it aside on my side table.

“That’s all you’ve got to say?” he demands and I roll my eyes.

“What do you _want _me to say, Sam? It’s not the first time she’s run. It’s not the first time she’s run because she’s pissed at me. She’ll go to Jody’s and then she’ll disappear, because if she doesn’t wanna be found, she won’t be.”

“We found her last time.”

“_Crowley _found her last time,” I point out. “And you can bet she’s not gonna be walkin’ around South Beach in steel-toed boots and plaid this time when she knows that how she caught his eye before.” I shrug and shake my head. “She’s not gonna be found ‘til she’s ready to come home.”

Sam shakes his head. “Do you not even care that she’s gone, Dean?”

I roll my eyes again. “Of course I care she’s gone, dude, but what do you want from me? She’s gone. It’s my fault ‘cause she hates me ‘cause I fucked ‘er up, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s gone and we aren’t findin’ her.”

"You've got that much faith in my abilities, huh, Dean?"

"No, I got that much faith in _hers_." She's one of the smartest people I've ever met. Even Sam, full-force, not hiding that he's searching for her and using every tool at his disposal, won't be able to find her. I should be more sad about it. I should hate that I don't know when I'm ever going to see her again, but I'm just really upset that Sammy's upset. I'm upset that a damned good hunter asset is MIA, but that's it. It's not right but at the same time, totally normal in a way that I haven't felt since I was thirteen. Why the fuck do I not love her anymore?


	15. Withdrawal

**Summary: **Amara’s made Dean go numb. Sam is falling deeper into his own disgusting abyss. When Chuck pulls Y/n out of Maine, Dean learns what he lost. _(37 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: angst, **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!**, past non-con, past dub-con, manipulation, protected sex, past incest, past sister wincest

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I keep dreaming of Y/n. Memories mostly. I dream of us as teens in the backseat of the Impala, Dad driving us toward any of a hundred places. I dream of her calm influence and the way she took care of Sam with me. I don’t dream of her body or her sounds or what she tasted like. I miss her like a brother’s supposed to miss his sister.

Which bugs the fuck outta me.

She was my _everything_. She’s the one woman I have loved consistently my whole life and now…she feels like almost…almost nothing. She doesn’t feel like the girl I’ve compared every other woman in my life to. I hate that I don’t want her. It’s like this empty spot in my heart.

Sam keeps calling her. Of course she’s not answering. He gets all upset every time because it goes straight to voicemail. Of course her phone is off. It’s like he’s not even thinking. “Sam, seriously, man! Stop.”

He glares at me as he sets the phone on the table. “Dean, just because you don’t care what’s happened to her doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop caring.”

“I care!” I _want _to care, anyway. I should care.

“We don’t know where she is, or _how _she is. It’s been weeks!”

“And we have other shit to worry about!” I snap. “She’s a grown woman and a-a badass hunter and wherever she is, she’s fine!”

But what if she’s not? I mean…she was in a bad place when she left. She was beat half to death before that and she was…sick. Before I took that trip to Louisiana, she was sick. I remember thinkin’ she might’ve been pregnant. Shit, I don’t know if she was still sick when we got back from me killing Death. I don’t remember her throwing up after that…but I was avoiding her as much as possible.

She wouldn’t have left if she was pregnant, though. No fucking way would she have left without even mentioning it. I must have been overreacting…and I’m grateful as fuck for that. Yeah, the idea of bein’ a dad is one that’s always appealed to me and I’ve always wanted it to be with Y/n, but it’s better that she’s not. Because hunter life is bad enough for kids in the first place and if the kid had to deal with the fact that its parents were twin siblings? Thankfully won’t be an issue.

I stand and grab my keys off the table, picking up my jacket and heading for the garage. “She’s fine, Sam. Leave her alone.”

I go for a drive. It’s just me and my baby. For a minute, nothing’s wrong, really. For a minute, I can forget about Amara and Y/n and Crowley, who still isn’t answering the damn phone. But there’s that nagging empty feeling creeping up on me. I just want…something. A beer? A whiskey? A burger?

I stop at a roadhouse. I can get anything I need at a roadhouse. I order a burger and fries and bourbon with a beer chaser. I’m halfway through the burger when I notice this little brunette watching me from across the room. She’s cute, a little bit shy, keeps looking away when I catch her eyes. Maybe that’s what I need, huh? This burger and the alcohol aren’t doing shit for this feeling, maybe taking a pretty girl home will shut down this emptiness.

I walk over and introduce myself. I smile, turn on the charm and she falls for it so hard that I’m honestly a little sad for her. I know I’m about to use her, but it doesn’t seem like she knows.

I don’t catch her name, though I’m sure she gives it to me. I call her ‘baby’ and 'sugar’ and that seems to be good enough because she takes me to her apartment. She moans my name, but I can’t even whisper her praises because…as good as she feels, it’s still not good enough.

I wear her out though. I waste two condoms on this chick before she passes out on me. I carefully climb out of her bed, gather my clothes and boots and get dressed in her living room so I don’t wake her up. I’m walking out of her building when another woman catches my eyes. This one’s kinda heavy, but she’s got huge boobs and a gorgeous smile. She doesn’t even hide the way she’s checking me out as I walk by…and what the hell, I got another condom in my pocket.

I don’t even make it to this one’s apartment, just bend her over the railing in the stairway and take her from behind. I like the way her moans echo up the stairwell…and at least she feels better than the other one. But she doesn’t fix it. Nothing does.

Except Amara. Fuck, it’s wrong. It’s so very, very wrong. She’s, like, a baby. Literally. But not in my visions. Not when she’s in my dreams. It’s wrong but it’s also…right. It’s like Y/n…like it used to be with Y/n.

Amara feels like Y/n and Y/n feels like an acquaintance. Did Amara…did she steal my feelings? Did she take what I felt for Y/n and twist it in her favor? What the fuck? How?

After I figure that out, I just…what’s the point? What’s the point of finding random bar ass when I know it’s not gonna do anything for me? It’s not gonna fill the hole in me because that’s where Amara ripped out half of my soul and ate it.

That’s actually not far off. The Darkness eats souls. So that half of my soul that’s always belonged to Y/n, maybe Amara just ate it. Why does that just seem like I’m making excuses?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam doubles his efforts to find Y/n after Cas says ‘yes’ to Lucifer, but it doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t find her. He won’t. I start looking for her, too, but I don’t really know where to start. She’s always been good at staying under the radar.

“What, now that we don’t have Cas anymore, you think you can find Y/n?” Sam asks.

I sigh and shake my head. “I don’t know, Sam. I just…I feel like we should have all the players at our disposal if we’re gonna get Cas back and send the Darkness back to her prison, is that so wrong?”

“Shit, I’ve been worried about her all year and you only care about her in relation to what she can do for us.”

“That’s not true, okay, I was trying to give her her damn space and you-”

“Dean, you’ve barely spoken her _name _in months and now that we might _need _her, that’s when you want to act like you care? You don’t fucking care. And she shouldn’t have to deal with that just because the world is ending again.”

He’s right, of course. But it doesn’t really matter.

Because when God reveals Himself to us, when He reveals that He’s actually been Chuck fuckin’ Shurley the entire fucking time…well, He decides that Y/n needs to be with us. He snaps his fingers and suddenly she’s there, standing in the middle of the War Room with a handful of soggy leaves. She looks around, obviously just as confused about the situation as the rest of us, and blinks a few times. “What the actual fuck?” she asks and Chuck just smiles.

“There she is! Family’s all back together, now we can get to work,” Chuck says, clapping His hands together.

“Wha-?” Her eyes go wide as she looks from Chuck to me and Sam. Our eyes catch each other and her pretty green eyes used to make my heart swell but this time…I look away, drop my eyes to the pile of leaves she dropped on the floor. “What the fuck happened?” she asks.

Sammy scoffs and takes a deep breath. “Uh, a-apparently Chuck is…is God.”

“Chuck is God?!” she screeches, turning to Him. He nods with this squirrelly little smirk. “Since when?”

“Oh, always,” Chuck answers. She shakes her head and looks so overwhelmed. “Look, you’ve missed a lot while you were in Maine, so-”

“Maine?” I ask. What’s in Maine? “What the hell were you doing in Maine?”

She gets all tense and I roll my eyes as she turns to me with an intent to tell me to go fuck myself, but Chuck takes over. “She’s been spending time with your Grandma Millie, being reminded what family really is,” He answers. “Millie was good for her, brought her back to _me_. She’s been praying again and everything.” Grandma’s alive?

“Dad’s mom? She’s alive?” Sam asks.

“You didn’t wanna know so I never told you,” she says, quietly. “She’s amazing, by the way.”

“She runs a bed and breakfast in Rangeley. Can we move on now, please?” Chuck asks, His tone a bit impatient considering we’ve been waiting on Him for a bit of assistance for our whole damn lives. He sits on one of the tall stools by the graphing table and I sit next to the stairs up to the library. Y/n and Sam park it in the rolling chairs from the Map Table.

Sam takes a deep breath. “Okay. So, wow, um, Chuck.” He chuckles a little, nervous. “Well, I guess we don’t call you that, huh?”

“I prefer it.”

“Okay, uh, ‘Chuck’ it is.” Sam sighs, looking to me and Y/n, but we got no help for him. We’re both staring at God. Staring at God. All this time, God has been…with everything in the world, He’s been… “I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to, uh, give us a moment to start to process. We didn’t even know you were around. I mean, we knew about Chuck, but we just didn’t know about…_Chuck_.” Sam gestures kinda manically as he speaks and Chuck nods in understanding.

“I mean, I-I-I was hoping you were around. I’m sure Y/n was, too. I mean, w-we prayed and I–but I don’t know if they got, uh, lost in the spam or it-” Kid’s rambling.

“Sam?” I stop him and I don’t miss the way my voice makes Y/n tense up.

“Yeah?”

“Babbling.”

“Okay.” Sam cuts himself off with a nod as Chuck smiles slightly, looking over at me.

“I’m getting that not everyone’s totally on board.”

My eyes snap to Him and I lick my lips. I have a million angry things to say to God. I have a billion questions. If He’s been watching us, He knows exactly why I’m not ‘on board’, but if He needs to hear it…

I swallow the lump in my throat and look down at my thumbnails to distract myself from looking at Him or Y/n. “Here’s the thing, um…Chuck…and I mean no disrespect. Um…I’m guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that’s great. That’s, you know–It’s fantastic. Um, but you’ve been gone a-a…_long_, long time. And there’s so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don’t know, writing books. Going to fan conventions. Were you even aware, o-or did you just tune it out?”

I’m tryin’ to not cry. I don’t want to cry but, fuck, it’s not fucking fair. He’s just been so…

“I was aware, Dean,” He says and why does that tone remind me of a politician?

“But you did nothing,” I snap before I can stop myself. “And, again, I-I’m not tryin’ to piss you off. You know, I don’t wanna turn into a pillar of salt.”

“I, actually…I didn’t do that,” He defends and that’s what He’s gonna defend?

“Okay. People–people pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.”

Chuck nods and leans just a bit forward. “You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on, real hands-on for…wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created…would grow up.” There’s tears in my eyes now…and I look over and there’s tears in Y/n’s eyes too. Even now, we’ve still got that twin symmetry. “But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being over-involved is no longer parenting.” Chuck sighs. “It’s enabling.”

“But it didn’t get better,” I argue quietly, shaking my head.

“Well, I’ve been mulling it over…” God says, nodding. “…and from where I sit, I think it has.”

I wipe the tears from my cheeks and look away from Him. “Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.”

“I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.”

“_Don’t_.” The word from Y/n’s mouth forces me to look over at her. Sam and Chuck are startled by it too. Y/n surprised God. Sam squeezes her hand in reassurance as she keeps talking. “This isn’t about our dad, Chuck,” she says and God’s eyebrows raise as she defends me. “You have been ignoring so much bad, so much pain and heartbreak and…there’s…loss and…” Her throat closes up around her words as her eyes fill up with tears. Sam rolls her closer to him and wraps his arm around her.

“I am so sorry, Y/n,” Chuck says and He’s definitely sounding like a politician now. “Most of that loss, most of _your _loss, was completely unavoidable. It had to happen.”

“‘Had to happen’?” she whispers, pulling back and glaring at Him. Which loss is she getting so offended about? “You…‘had to-’…I need a drink.” Y/n stands and stomps across the room to the decanter of whiskey, pouring herself a double.

“You don’t need to do that. You haven’t had a drink in almost a year, Y/n-” Chuck says, standing and pulling his jacket off.

“Don’t fuckin’ judge my drinking, Chuck. Mr. ‘Drink-Away-the-Visions-I’m-Giving-_Myself_’.” She’s shaking as she drinks and Sam walks over to check on her as Chuck gets more comfy. Sam puts his hand on her lower back and I should hate that. I should hate that he’s standing that close to her, that he’s touching her. But I don’t. I just stand and take my coat off, sit on the opposite side of the Map Table and wait for them to come sit down. “Okay. I’m good. I got this.”

Chuck sighs and leans his arms on the table. “You have to understand this about the Darkness- she’s relentless, a force beyond human comprehension. It’s the only reason I came off the sidelines.”

“Must’ve been great being her brother, huh?” Sam says, a bit amused.

“It was the worst. Always tellin’ me what to do, making me do what she wanted. I mean, you guys know how that works.” Y/n and Sam exchange a little look at the absurdity that God’s sibling relationship somehow mirrored a normal one.

“So, where is she?” I ask. If anyone knows, it’s Chuck.

“No freakin’ idea, guys. She’s warded herself specifically against me.” Great. We’re boned. “What have you come up with?”

“Zip,” I answer. “And we’ve been at it for months.” Y/n hasn’t, of course. Because she’s been in Maine while the rest of us were working.

Chuck nods. “Well…matter of time. I’ve always had faith in you…” Chuck looks across the table at Sam before turning to me. “…even if you didn’t return the favor. Where’s the guest room? I could use a shower.”

“It’s just down the hallway. The fourth door on the left,” Y/n says, pointing at the hallway as Chuck stands, clicking his tongue and tapping the table. He pats my back as he passes me. Of course, God is the most condescending…

“Hey, Chuck. You know that she’s got Lucifer, right?” And Cas, by default. I twist to look at him, but he just stops. He doesn’t look at me. Just stands stiff in the entrance to the hallway.

“Uh-huh.” Just ‘uh-huh’? That’s all He’s gonna say?

“The way we heard it, um…last time you bottled up the Darkness, it-it took more than just you. I mean, we heard that Lucifer was involved,” Sam says.

“No,” Chuck says and it’s a complete shutdown.

“No?” Y/n and I ask at the same time. Shit, it’s been a long time since we synched like that.

Chuck turns to look at us. “Lucifer was perhaps my greatest hope and my bitterest disappointment. Do you think, if I could have trusted him for a moment, I would have put him in the Cage? And I wasn’t gonna mention this, but thank you so much for springing him.”

“Which time?” Y/n mutters.

“That wasn’t really the plan, um…” Sam quietly defends.

“Now, as bad as he was, after all this time in prison, he’s probably worse,” Chuck shouts. Shit. God’s pissed. “And by now, he could have formed an alliance with Amara. Not walking into that trap, guys. So, no.” He turns back around and sighs. “Thus spake the Lord.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“You should keep your hands to yourself,” I say as I set a beer in front of Sam. He looks up, maybe confused that there’s no anger in my voice. There really fucking should be. “Y/n. She’s probably not in a good place for that.”

“How would _you _know?” he snaps and I take a drink of my own beer as I sit next to him.

“Look, I’m just sayin’, Sam…it’s been a good eleven months or so since you’ve seen her, maybe you should ease into trying to replace me.”

“I’m not trying to replace you, Dean,” he says, picking up the beer. “Unlike you, I’m just caring for her.”

“Caring for her doesn’t require touching her at every opportunity.” I shake my head and shrug. “_We _care about each other and we barely touch unless one of us is dying.”

“That’s…not true, Dean. We touch all the time…and Y/n was upset, okay? What Chuck was saying was-”

“Dude, come on, you were feeling her up in your feminist way. Shut up. Don’t think I forgot you making out with her the night before she left, _and _I didn’t forget the collar either.” Sam looks away as he takes a drink. “Look. For Y/n’s good, she should probably not start anything else with her brother, ya know? Can you imagine how bad things coulda gone if she’d stayed with me? She’s better off with someone outside of our family.”

Sam scoffs. “What, you’re actually gonna let her be with someone without forcing them out of her life?”

I sigh and click my tongue against my teeth. “Yeah, I deserve that…and I got no good excuse for all the guys I blocked from her, but that’s not what I’m doing here.” I lean back in my chair and shake my head. “Look, we both know that what I did to her is…inexcusable, right? We both know I should never have touched her and it’s sick that I wanted to for so long. Just like we both know it’s sick that _you _want to. It’s the best thing, for both of you, for you to go jack it to some of that porn you think no one knows you have and stop thinking about Y/n.”

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Not everything is about sex, Dean. I’m just trying to be there for her. That’s all.”

“Okay, Sammy. Keep it that way. S'all I’m sayin’.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m pouring myself a cup of coffee when Y/n walks into the kitchen the next morning. I look up and catch her eyes and I just…wish I felt something, ya know? Something more than disappointment for the fact that I _don’t _feel anything. She’s right there and I feel…empty still.

She drops her eyes to the floor and shuffles to the fridge. “You ever gonna talk to me again, sis?” I ask as she pulls out a bottle of water.

“Oh, do I exist again?” she snaps and that _almost _hurts.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.

“Nothing,” she answers immediately. “Never mind.”

“Meant something or you wouldn’t’ve said it.” And there’s that nagging empty…I don’t…feel it.

Y/n scoffs angrily and shakes her head at me. “Do you even know why I left? Did you care I was fuckin’ gone?”

“Of course, I cared.” I wish I didn’t have to keep lying about that.

“But not like you should’ve cared. Not like a lover would. Because I’m not _her_,” she says, sneering at the word. I guess someone filled her in on my connection to Amara. “It’s real fucked up how you broke me down, turned me into this codependent mess who _aches _for you and loves you in exactly the wrong way, and when I finally embrace it, when I bow to my conditioning, you turn it off and shut it down.”

“It’s not like I did it on _purpose_!” I explode. I swallow and lick my lips, calming myself down. “The Mark came off and I met Amara and I just…I couldn’t. Any lust or non-familial love I had…it…shifted and that’s not my fault.” It’s not. There are a million things that _are _my fault, but the empty spot in my heart where Y/n used to live isn’t one of them.

She sighs and shakes her head, eyes brimming with tears. “No, it’s mine. I shouldn’t have stayed to help you with the Mark after you raped me the second time.” Disgust fills me at the memory. “Remember? When you slammed me into the wall for having the audacity to let other men touch what was ‘yours’, and then you threw me to the floor on the landing? Remember that?” I look down at my feet and try to push down the shame. She scoffs again and takes a drink of her water. “Isn’t it so much better when we’re _talking_, bro?”

She pushes past me, starts to leave the kitchen. I have to say something. I can’t let her just leave like that, but all that comes out is, “I’m sorry,” as she walks out into the hallway. I step into the doorway and she turns back around. “I’m so sorry…for everything.” And I mean it, too. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to her, from the first time I peeped on her in the shower to…

She nods. “Yeah. ‘cause that makes it _all _better, doesn’t it?” she says sarcastically.

I look down and shake my head. “I can’t make it better.”

“Then, what’s the point of ‘sorry’?” she asks, walking away. Fuck. I wish I could fix this. Last ditch effort…say what she wants to hear.

“I _do _still love you, Y/n.”

“No. You don’t…and you don’t _have _to.”

Fuck! I just want this shit to be fixed! I just want it over. I want my twin to be okay. I want us to go back to being siblings and forget all about the shit I did. I punch the wall in anger. Then I punch the wall again and the pain clears my head a bit.

Actually, it clears it a lot. It doesn’t actually matter, does it? Because we’re all going to die. Maybe if we send Amara back…maybe all the shit she’s stolen from me will go back where it belongs. Maybe I’ll care about Y/n again. If we don’t send Amara back, then we’re all gonna die so it doesn’t matter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It takes a bit of doing to get Lucifer back, but when we do, we start getting a plan together. Lucifer keeps making comments to Y/n. She seemed like she was gonna break down after she left him in Sam’s room. Gotta wonder what he said to her. Everything else she’s dealt with and she almost breaks down on something Lucifer _says_?

We’re all sitting around the Map Table, figuring out the who and the what of the plan when I realize that we need…bait. “We’re going to need somebody to send her into the trap,” I say, quietly.

“Yeah, I’ll do it,” Y/n volunteers, just as quiet.

Sam shakes his head, pretty violently actually. “_No_. No, she could kill you.”

“She’s gonna kill everybody so…why not start with me?” Y/n says, looking into Sammy’s eyes. She smiles but I can see that there’s nothing really happy there. “That was a joke. Chuck and I talked about this already…Amara doesn’t know me. I’ve been gone all year. She has no reason to think I would be setting her up. If I present it as ‘spare my life, I’ll tell you where God is’, maybe she won’t eat me.”

“No!” Sam says again before twisting in his chair to look at me. “Dean, tell her she can’t-”

This isn’t the answer he wants, but…“Sam, we’re all doing the sacrifice play on this one. It’s us versus the universe. Some of us are gonna die on this one,” I reason.

“It has to be this way, Sam,” Chuck says, all Godly authority.

“I’ll be okay. Or I won’t. Doesn’t really matter.” Shit. Her apathy mirrors my own. “Go set your trap…I’ll bait it,” she says, standing from the Map Table and walking away.

“That one…” Lucifer starts, twisting Cas’ lips into a smirk. “…is bro-ken,” he finishes in a sing-song.

Sam huffs at Satan and follows after her. I rub my hand down my face and sigh. “Aren’t we all?”

“She wouldn’t be so broken if you weren’t,” Lucifer says. “Ya know, she _used _to be the most well-adjusted Winchester of the last fifty years.” He points at me. “_You _ruined her.”

“Shut up, man,” I say.

“No,” he says, leaning forward. “And you know the best part of it? She was on her way to well-adjusted _again_, finally finding her happy place with the idiot with the earring and you ruined that, too. You’ve just been breaking her down for years, Dean.”

“Is this supposed to be news?” I snap.

“I don’t know. Do you actually recognize that you killed her long before you ever saw the Mark of Cain?”

“Lucifer,” Chuck says and His voice is all that fatherly disappointment. “Dean knows. They all know.”

I stand up from the table and walk away as Chuck and Lucifer start discussing the whys of how I used to feel for her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amara kicks our asses. Kicks Chuck’s ass. Sends Lucifer off into where-the-fuck-ever. Starts killing the sun. We’ve lost. We’ve fucking…after everything we’ve stopped and everything we’ve fixed…we’ve fuckin’ lost.

We pick ourselves up and go back to the bunker. Chuck’s dying. The sun’s dying. We’re all gonna follow. I start drinking before we’ve even settled. Sam goes looking for Y/n and it pisses me off that I thought of the beer before I thought of her. Why does Amara get to steal my love for my other half?! That’s not fucking fair.

I head for her room and I hear her and Sam talking. “I’m not sure. The sun is dying, too,” Sam says, chuckling. “But Cas is back.”

“Did she kill Lucifer, too? Not that I’m lamenting the loss,” she says. I take that as my cue.

“Cas said she ripped him from her, not killed.” She looks up at me. “Can I get a moment alone with her please, Sam?”

Sam twists to look at me. “Why?” he asks and I want to punch him.

“Because the sun’s dying…and _God _is dying, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let the world end with my other half still fucking hating me. So, give us some fucking space, Sam,” I snap before adding a soft, “Please.”

Sam turns to look at her and she nods, patting his knee as she stands. He follows her to his feet and walks out, giving me a look that’s basically a ‘shovel talk’ without the words. I shut the door and lean back against it, crossing my arms over my chest. I know I have to make this better. I have to do something. “I’m trying to think of what I could say to make-” I start, but she interrupts me.

“I was pregnant.” A zing of pain goes through me when I hear the words. She bites her bottom lip as I think back. How I wanted that so much before Amara showed up. Did she get rid of it because I went cold on her? Did she- “I took the test when Sam got me home after Charlie’s funeral. I was gonna tell you when you got back from Shreveport but…the Stynes got here first.”

“Oh, no.” The big guy kicking the shit outta her in the medlab. The blood she was practically drowning in. I cover the distance between us quick and wrap her in my arms. She doesn’t want the embrace but I have to. “I just left you there, bleeding and covered in blood and…having a damn miscarriage.” Fuck, why didn’t she tell me? I push her head against my chest. I want her to cry because I haven’t. This whole year she’s been broken about losing this baby and I don’t know if I can cry about it with her…not the way I should. “I was gonna be a father.” It comes out half broken.

And that’s when she gives in to me holding her. She starts sobbing into my shirt and wraps her arms around me. “I didn’t even have time to get happy about it! I was still so worried about everything! I…and then the Stynes, I…”

I pet her hair. Fuck. I can’t believe she was…she was pregnant. I was gonna be a dad. Fuck. “I’m so sorry, Y/n. I’m so sorry that we…we lost that opportunity and…I’m sorry I abandoned you. I wish I could…” Fuck, this is all my fault. “I wish I had gotten angry when Sammy kissed you. I know that was the last straw. I know that’s why you left. You’d just lost the baby and I didn’t even fucking care how you were doing or _who_…” I have to make her…I sniffle away a bit of tears and pull back to look down at her. “Tell me how to make it better.” Tell me there’s something I can do, Y/n.

“I don’t think there’s time to make me better, Dean. Sun’s dying. God’s dying. Remember?” Right. I fucked away the last year of our lives when I should have been paying attention to her…should have been loving her.

“Well, can I at least hold you?” I ask, quietly.

“What do you think you’re doing, now?” she responds and I scoff.

I move to lie down on her bed and pat the bed. “Come lay down,” I direct her. She sighs and crawls onto the bed, slotting her body against mine and laying her head on my chest. She feels like…nothing. I hate that. “I know you don’t believe it, Y/n…and, sister, I am struggling to find it, myself, but…I _know _I love you.” If I didn’t love her, then I wouldn’t love Amara now. “I know I spent most of our lives trying not to love you and you can’t imagine how big a hole there is in me right now, knowing that I’m supposed to love you…that everything Amara has been making me feel, it’s all stolen from you.”

“You can’t do this, D.,” she whispers.

“Why not?” I ask.

“Because it feels like a ‘Last Night on Earth’ pitch…” No. That’s not what I’m doing. I don’t wanna fuck her. There’s a flash of disgust at the idea of it. “And I’m worth more than that.”

“Not tryin’ to get in your pants,” I explain. I run my hand over her hair and kiss the top of her head. “You’re worth so much more than _anything _I have or could give you.”

“Don’t. Please stop trying to sweet talk me. Just…just be with me for a few minutes, please.”

“Okay,” I whisper, running my fingers through her hair, lightly massaging her scalp. I just want things to be better. I just want her to be okay.

~~~~~~~~~~

I just _had _to say everyone was going to do the sacrifice thing. I had to know it would end like this; with me blowing Amara up with a bomb made of soul power. Of course.

There’s a bunch of teary ‘goodbye’ stuff. Cas and Sam look like they’re about to dissolve with sadness. Y/n’s trying to be a rock, just like she always has been. A rock for Sammy. I pull her into a hug. She clings to my jacket like she doesn’t want me to go…and I’m sure she doesn’t. “I don’t know how I can do this. I can’t deal with losing you again.”

“Just don’t shack up with Lucky Charms this time. S’all I ask,” I whisper, even though I don’t really care if she goes to find Jesse. I pull back and look into her eyes. This is the absolute last time I’m gonna see her. Last time she’s gonna see me. Gotta give her something to take with her when I go. “I’m not letting this chance get away. Last chance.” I bury my hands in her hair and lean down to kiss her softly. Rowena says something, but I ignore her as Crowley responds. “Take care of Sam and Cas,” I whisper as I step away from her. She nods and wipes at her eyes.

She’s gonna be okay, I’m sure.


	16. Fix

**Summary**: Amara is gone. Their mother is alive. Dean is once again in love with his twin sister...and once he saves her from Brits that stole her from the bunker, he’s gonna make everything right. _(37 years old)_

**Story Warnings**: angst, **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!**, past non-con, past dub-con, manipulation, unprotected sex, incest, sister wincest, mentions of torture, mentions of miscarriage

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amara’s gone. Mom’s back. I’m so fuckin’ overwhelmed and I can’t even imagine what Mom’s feeling...and what Sam and Y/n are gonna say when I show up with her. I look over at her in the passenger seat of the car I stole to get us home. Damn, she looks so much like Y/n. Or, well, I guess Y/n looks like _her_, duh.

Shit. Y/n. That’s...well, damn, that’s an emotion I haven’t felt in a while. Awe at my sister’s beauty. She’s walking through my mind as I drive home. Her gorgeous green eyes and dark blond hair and that sweet smile. Fuck, I’ve fuckin’ missed this. The part of me that’s been missing is back! All that love is back and I am so excited to see her. She’s gonna be happy to see me alive...whoa, what is she gonna think about Mom being alive? And what about...what about the stuff I did? Shit, what if she hates me?

And the...the baby.

There was a baby.

Oh, God.

My throat goes dry as I think about her lying on the floor in the War Room, covered in blood. She was pregnant and then she wasn’t...and I wasn’t there for her. She fuckin’ hates me. I knocked her up, I _wanted _a baby so fuckin’ bad and then I just let her lie there and have a miscarriage.

“You okay, Dean?” Mom asks and I nod.

“Yeah, just...just thinkin’ ‘bout Sammy and Y/n. They’re gonna be shocked to see us both alive,” I cover, looking over at her with a smile.

“How are they? Wh-what kind of people are they?” she asks and I’m a bit at a loss for what to say.

“They’re the best people I know,” I answer after a minute. “They’re...fiercely loyal, brave, strong. They absolutely will not let me fail a damn thing. They are my...support. They’re my friends and family.” And Y/n’s my lover...or she was. Maybe she will be again. Maybe I can make up for the damage I did when Amara came. “They’re two of the smartest people I ever met. You’re gonna love ‘em. They’re gonna love havin’ you back.”

I stop and get her some clothes. She can’t be walkin’ around in a nightgown for the rest of forever. Then we finish going home. She seems surprised by the bunker, says that the Men of Letters are a hunter myth. “Not so much,” I respond, before I walk down the stairs. There’s blood on the floor and my stomach drops. It’s not a lot, but it’s enough to worry me. I pull my gun and follow the blood. “Sammy? Y/n? Cas?” There’s an angel-banishing sigil on the wall in the library. Shit. Something very not good went down after I went to blow up Amara.

I grab the gun from the holster under the Map Table and hand it to Mom before I go searching through the bunker, calling Sam’s cell as I go. They’ve gotta be here. Cas is probably gone but there’s gotta be Sam. Y/n’s gotta be here. They’ve gotta-_Somebody’s _gotta be here!

There’s no one, but there’s no other blood either, so I circle back around to where Mom is standing in the library with the pistol aimed at Cas. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!” I exclaim, rushing forward to push the gun down. “It’s okay. It’s okay. He’s a friend, all right? Hey, Cas.”

Cas hugs me and it feels good to be hugging a friend, and he’s definitely happy I’m alive, but we don’t have time for this shit. “Hey. Okay. All right.” I pat his back and pull out of the embrace.

“Dean. You’re alive?” There’s the shock I was looking for.

“Yeah.”

“What about the bomb and the Darkness? What happened?” he asks.

“I’ll tell you everything. Where are Sam and Y/n?” I ask.

“They’re not here,” he says and my throat clenches.

“Are you a hunter?” Mom asks. She doesn’t know about Cas.

“He’s an Angel,” I say at the same time Cas says, “No, I’m an Angel.”

“Come again?” she says. Total confusion.

“An Angel, with a-a capital ‘A’. Ya know, wings, harp.” I gesture at Cas and he gets annoyed, rolling his eyes.

“No, I don’t have a harp.”

“This is Castiel,” I introduce before turning back to the Angel. “Cas, this is...Mary. Winchester.”

Shock goes over his face for a second before he covers it. “Your mother.”

“Yeah, so...Wait, uh, where-where is Sam? He’s not answering his phone, there’s blood on the floor. What’s goin’ on? Is he okay? Is Y/n okay?” I ask.

“I don’t know. We came back here, there was a woman waiting for us. She blasted me away. I don’t know who she was. I don’t know what happened to your siblings,” Castiel says and I wanna kill something. Right away. My twin and our little brother are in danger and someone is gonna pay for the blood on our floor.

“I don’t understand. What happened?” Mom asks.

“Okay, well, the bunker’s empty so--so they’ve obviously left here.” He said ‘woman’. “You said woman, so not an angel, not a demon, a-a human.”

“She was human,” Cas confirms.

Okay. So...human means they’re traveling like humans. “When did this go down?” I ask, sitting down at the table and pulling open my laptop as Cas gives me a time to look at the traffic cams.

“Is that a-a computer?” Mom asks.

“Yes. I don’t trust them,” Cas answers because I’m busy. I gotta find the bitch that stole my family. They better be alive. I swear to fucking God...Chuck, whatever...I’ll burn the world if they’re not alive.

“Got something. An SUV ran a red light a few blocks from here at 2:21 a.m. And there wasn’t another car for 40 minutes.” I zoom in on the plates as Mom asks how I did that. “I hacked the traffic cams. Welcome to the future,” I say when I notice the overwhelmed look on her face.

“You think it’s them?” Cas asks.

“It’s worth a shot,” I answer.

Worth a shot. Sure. We find the vet that stitched Sammy up, who confirms that Y/n was completely unharmed and Sam was very alive when he left, then we find a Brit...who kicks my ass with some cheaty fucking magic brass knuckles. But Mom stabs her in the back with an angel blade and bye-bye, bitch.

It takes a little while but we find the farmhouse where they’re being held. It’s warded so Cas can’t go in...and I don’t want Mom going in so she stays by the truck. Another British bitch with cheat knuckles comes at me. This one gets me cuffed before I really have a chance to do _anything _to stop her, but maybe she’ll take me to Sam and Y/n. She takes me to a cellar and I heard Sammy. “Screw yourself.” That’s my boy. She reaches over and grabs my arm, yanking me forward and onto the cellar stairs. “Dean,” he says and there’s shock in his voice.

Muffled noises to the left make me look over at Y/n. She must’ve been a real thorn in this bitch’s side because Sammy might be tied up to a chair but she’s chained up on her side on the floor, duct tape over her mouth and maybe a rag gagging her? Shit...look at her. She shouldn't be pretty like that, definitely not with all that blood on her face and what did they do to her feet?

“I’m as happy to see him as you are, ‘cause while you and your sister may be able to withstand my snapping apart you bodies joint by joint, can you both watch it happen to Dean?” she asks, pushing me toward Sam. Depending how she’s feeling, Y/n might. “The Winchester Family dynamics could fill a psychological text on their own. A triangle of codependency, and yet Y/n is the only one with a truly..._consistent _role.” What does that- “Sam, you seemed a bit over-eager to see your sister bloodied, yet you didn’t have the Mark like your brother here. I wonder why that is?”

Oh, so she knows about the Mark?

Oh, my God, doesn’t this bitch ever shut the fuck up? Seriously. Just because you’re British doesn’t mean you gotta be a damn Bond villain. Have they done a chick as a Bond villain? Like, not a Bond girl, but like a real villain? She’s still talking. Wow. Look at Y/n, though. Damn. When we get out of this...I’m gonna fix us.

Shit, Mom! I told you to wait outside!

She is doing a damn fine job, though! Wow. She hands me the keys and I start to unlock my cuffs. Oh, but that bitch is using magic to make Mom think she’s choking, but I recognize it. So does Y/n based on the way her eyes are all big. I knock her out, explain that it was a Chinese mind control technique and she can’t do it while she’s unconscious. I start to unlock Sam’s cuffs as Mom pulls the tape off of Y/n’s mouth and yanks the gag out of her mouth.

“Well played,” another British accent says from the stairs. He’s got Cas with him. “Mick Davies. British Men of Letters.”

I roll my eyes as Y/n says, “Great. More fuckin’ Brits.” I finish unlocking Sammy as Mom helps Y/n to her feet. “You here to torture us like that one?” she finishes, giving a middle finger to the unconscious bitch on the floor.

“No, no. Not at all. She’s the only one held interest in that,” Mick Davies answers.

“She’s the only-” Sam starts, hugging himself in that way he does when he’s trying to make himself small. Y/n’s trying to make herself small too, but she’s doin’ that thing where she steps a little behind us.

“What you were told is basically true. We were keen on knowing about the three of you-” Mick starts as the bitch pulls herself up to stand next to him. “-seeing as you seem to be partially carrying on the Men of Letters’ work here now that the American chapter is defunct.”

‘Keen on knowing’- “So, you sic your attack dog on us to what? Say ‘hi’?” I snap.

“Well, part of our group suspect some kind of malfeasance amongst you American Hunters. No argument, Lady Bevell went too far. I deeply apologize.” Sam and Y/n don’t seem any happier with that apology than I do. “She’ll face consequences in London.”

Not if she doesn’t make it back to London. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you take a walk and she can face those consequences right here and now?” I suggest. If he’s a good man, he’ll let us have our justice. After everything this bitch-

Mick shakes his head. “She’s ours. We’ll take care of her.” Which means he’s covering their asses. “Now, I’m here to extend an olive branch. We want to work with you-”

“Let me ask you a question,” Sam interrupts him. “Uh, Mick, is it? Why would we believe any of this?”

“Lads...If I wasn’t sincere, if I meant you harm, there’s a dozen ways I could’ve come in here and taken you all prisoner instead of bein’ unarmed.” He pulls open his coat to show he’s not packin’. “Not to mention, I powered down all the wardings in this shack so _your _attack dog could come in.” Cas isn’t our attack dog, he’s a friend. “I reckon you could finish me off without breaking a sweat. Am I right?” he asks Cas.

“I don’t sweat under any circumstances.” Cas, you overly-literal goof.

Mick sighs and hands Castiel a business card. He almost begs us to take our time and cool down and think it over before he takes Lady Bevell out of the farmhouse. Cas heals us all, everybody but Mom who is obviously so not cool with the whole Angel thing yet, and then we head out to the car to go home. Finally. Finally, I get to go home with my family.

Y/n and Sam both offer Shotgun to Mom, who leans against the door and watches the trees go by. Y/n’s eyes rarely leave Mom. She’s in awe. She looks at Sam a few times, but mostly she looks at Mom. Sam keeps looking at Y/n and that’s the look that gets me. He’s looking like he lost her. What, ‘cause I’m alive? He didn’t really think he was gonna replace me, did he? I mean, come on, she barely wanted to be with _me_.

Well, no, I mean...she did, didn’t she? She stayed, right? It wasn’t...I didn’t force her to _stay_. I forced her the first few times but...she wanted to stay. She said it, that she aches for me, loves me in the wrong way...she said that, less than a week ago. She still wants me, right?

That’s a conversation that’s gonna have to wait.

We stop at Sandy’s and get some chicken on the way home. We have a fuckin’ family meal together. A real meal at a table with our damn mom. Who cares if she can’t cook? Who cares if the meatloaf came from Piggly-Wiggly? She’s back.

And I’m back. And the other half of my soul is right back where it belongs and I am...I’m gonna fix shit with Y/n.

But she disappears into her room before I have a chance to even talk to her. And Sam walks into the kitchen while I’m making a pot of coffee. “Hey.” He just nods at me. “You okay?”

“Yep. I’m fine. What’s a couple days of torture to a guy who lived in the Cage for a few hundred years?” He sits at the table and pulls open his laptop. “You talked to Y/n, yet?” He says it all nonchalant, but he’s got that look in his eyes like he’s mourning her. I told him to back off. I told him that he wasn’t going to have her. I mean...if she’s gonna be with either of us, it’s gonna be _me_. I’ve already had her, we created life together, she’s _my _Other Half.

“Nah. I’m not sure exactly what to say, honestly. I mean, last time we were here...Amara was still…” I pour myself a cup of Joe and walk over to the table to sit across from him.

“But Amara’s gone,” he says and really, it’s a question. ‘If Amara is gone, are your feelings for Y/n back?’

“Yeah. Amara’s gone. I’m back to normal. Well, normal for _me_, anyway.”

“She’s still hurt...and mad...and normal for you, for thirty-six years, was burying those feelings and pretending like you don’t feel them,” he snaps quietly. He looks around like he’s afraid one of the ladies is gonna walk in. “You need to leave her alone, Dean. Bury it like you used to.”

I consider it. Maybe we could all just pretend like none of it happened and go back to being siblings again, but...nah. Sam is jealous and that’s why he’s trying to get me to walk away. He doesn’t want me to have her because _he _can’t have her if I’m around. Not that he had a shot in the first damn place. She’s only sick in the head for me.

“Nah. I’ma talk to her. We’ll work it out. After everything that happened, there’s no burying it anymore. There’s no pretending. When I know about Puyallup and I know what I did as a demon and what we did to appease the Mark? No pretending.” I take a drink of my coffee and shrug. “I’ll fix it. I know I can.”

He rolls his eyes and focuses on the screen. He’s done talking to me, I guess. Fine. I’ll go talk to Y/n. I set my coffee cup down and walk out into the hall. My chest is a bit tight as I approach her room. I mean...she might reject me. My Other Half might say ‘no’. But I gotta try.

I hear her clear her throat when I get to the door. “Anyway, uh, the sun is better now obviously, but now my...I can’t come back.” Back? Back where? “Too much has happened and...my brothers need me and...I missed them.” I smile. She missed us. That doesn’t sound like hard feelings. “Thanks for understanding, Gramma.” Gramma? Millie? She’s talking to Maine. She chuckles and, fuck, that is an amazing sound. “I wouldn’t really know. Haven’t had one most of my life.”

I knock on her door. Gotta get this started before she decides she _does _wanna go back to Maine. “Uh, Gramma, I have to get off the phone. I’ll call you tomorrow?” There’s a beat. “Yes’m. Bye, Gramma.” Another beat. “Come in.”

I open the door and smile at her. She’s sitting on her bed, looking comfy as fuck in her baggy sweats, barefoot with her hair a mess. Gorgeous. I close her door and flick the lock just in case. Don’t want Mom interrupting us if the conversation goes somewhere good. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she parrots.

I lick my lips as I walk closer to her. I wanna sit next to her on the bed, but I don’t think we’re there yet, so I lean against the wall beside her dresser. “How ya feelin’?”

She shrugs. “I dunno. Everything’s weird.” Understatement.

“You’re tellin’ me. Still don’t know what to say to Mom. And Sam seems...weirder than normal.” Another understatement. She looks down at her lap. She’s probably thinking about the farmhouse. “You were tortured pretty hardcore from what I can tell.” I hate that she was tortured. The only one of us that managed to escape going to Hell, she didn’t deserve to know what torture feels like.

“We’ll be alright. Cas fixed it.” I know Sam’ll be-

“You don’t get it, sis,” I say, going to my knees in front of her so I can look up into her face. I need her to see me. I need her to know that I’m telling the truth, that I’m feeling… “When I brought Mom home and Cas--Cas told us that you and Sam got grabbed, I...I thought I might not get there in time. I thought I might lose you and...it made me realize…” Spit it out, Dean. “Y/n, Amara’s gone and I-”

“Don’t,” she whispers and my heart aches. I’m trying to apologize and tell her-

I grab her hands. “I love you, Y/n. I feel terrible about-’bout everything I did to...I fuckin’ love you so much and I-” I look into her eyes and there’s just pain there and I don’t think my apology is even scratching the surface of the emotions and regret I feel and I have to show her! I drop her hands and bury my hands in her hair and press my lips to hers. Fuck, I missed her lips. So fuckin’ soft. She whines and balls her fists up, but she’s not trying to punch me. I pull back from the kiss and look into her eyes. “Let me make it up to you,” I whisper. Please, Y/n, let me fix us.

“Dean, we...I...What about-” she stutters as I sweep my thumb across her perfect freckled cheekbone.

“Fuck, baby, please. Let me make you feel good.” She was tortured yesterday. I can make her feel amazing. She looks overwhelmed and confused for a few moments. I can see a million thoughts zooming through her mind, but she finally grabs my shirt and pulls me into her. Yes! She _does _still want me. I push her back to lie on her bed and she bounces and I straddle her thighs and look down at her. Her face is flushed and her eyes are dark. She’s so fucking beautiful.

“You look so fuckin’ gorgeous,” I whisper before I start running my hand down her body. These perfect curves, her amazing boobs...her hips. Goddamn, it’s been a long time since I put bruises on these hips, or marked up her clavicle with my teeth. I lean down and kiss her collarbone and she whines my name and I wanna hear it but I have to shush her. “Mom’s right down the hall. You don’t want her to know what her twins get up to behind closed doors, do you?” I whisper.

Probably shouldn’t have mentioned Mom, ‘cause she tenses up, her face drains of color. Fuck, no. “D., I-” she starts to argue, but I can’t let her crumble on this. I take her earlobe in my mouth and bite down on it. I know what’ll distract her. I know how to get her mind off’a Mom. I pull her shirt off, get her bra undone and go to town on her tits. She’s gasping and whining quietly and holy fucking shit, those sounds she’s making are amazing. The way she’s whispering my name and begging for more...I can’t believe I didn’t miss this.

Oh fuck and her hand rubbin’ at me through my pants...I haven’t been this hard in forever. She pulls at my belt and I lean up to look into her eyes as she unzips me and slides her hand into my boxers. She fuckin’ wants me. She really does. She forces a hiss outta me when she wraps her little hand around my dick. “Been too fuckin’ long,” I whisper as I shove my clothes down my legs so that she doesn’t have to work so hard to work my junk. She immediately starts moving, using her thumb on the head just like I taught her.

“Since what?” she asks.

My automatic response is knee-jerk cocky bullshit. “Since I felt this tight fuckin’ pussy squeezing my dick.” I grab her sweats and underwear and yank them down her legs before pulling my own pants and boxers off, continuing my sexual bull. “Since you been under me, trying to keep the entire bunker from hearing how beautiful you sound when you cum.” Though, we do gotta keep it quiet this time. I don’t even want Sam to hear her cum this time. Jealous ass doesn’t deserve her sounds. “Since I had your fingernail marks down my back.”

I lay over her, settling between her legs like...fuck, I’m _meant _to be there. It’s not even wholly sexual. I mean, obviously, this is sex, but...it’s love. She’s not just my sister and she’s not just the woman I’m about to fuck. I love her...and I missed that shit. “Been too fucking long since I loved you like this,” I whisper into her neck as my cheeks go red.

“Dean-” she starts to argue again and I can’t let her.

“Shhh. Don’t say anything, baby. Just let me fix us,” I kinda beg.

She looks a little hurt as she says, “Sex isn’t gonna fix-”

“Not sex,” I assure her. This is making love. This is healing and healthy in our sick way. I guide myself to her cunt. She’s so wet. “This is not just sex. I promise, sis.” Maybe I shouldn’t call her ‘sis’ when I’m about to fuck her...but she seems less hurt as I start pushing in. Fuck, she’s so tight. I forgot how she squeezes my dick so perfectly. I kiss her neck to distract myself because...won’t last if I don’t make myself last.

“Fuck,” she whispers when I settle into her all the way. It’s barely a word, barely more than a breath. “That feels so right.”

Yeah. Nothin’ more right than bein’ with her. Shit, I’m so lucky to have her after everything. “Never gonna chase you away again,” I promise as I start thrusting. She starts meeting my movements. God, she’s perfect. “God, I’m so fucking sorry. I wish I had missed this. I never wanna miss it again.”

She wraps her legs around me, digs her heels into my back with a simple demand, “Harder,” and then she clenches her pussy around me and I can’t stop myself from groaning out loud. She slaps her hand over my mouth, eyes wide as she shushes me.

Right. Mom.

I grab her hand and pull it away, kissing her knuckles lovingly. “Sorry. Just-” I hold back another groan as I fuck her just a bit harder. I take a deep breath but my whole body shakes as I pull it into my lungs. I tangle my fingers with hers, pin her hands to either side of her head, interlace every part of us as I fuck into her. We’re connected. We’re the way we’re supposed to be. “Forgot how right this was, how right you are for me. Made for me, huh?” I need her to confirm that she feels it, that she knows how I feel. She nods up at me and I smile. “My other half...so fuckin’ perfect. My perfect...fucking...lover.”

She pulls her lips together to keep herself from making too much noise and it’s not really working too good, but right now I don’t even fucking care if she screams her pleasure to Heaven. Right now, she’s warm and wet around me, sweat beading along her skin to make her shine. Right now, she’s making it hard to keep from cumming ‘cause she even _smells _like perfection. Fuck, and now she’s digging her fingernails into back of my hands, right between the bones.

“Dean, please,” she begs and whimpers and I lean over next to her ear.

“You wanna cum, baby?” I know she does. So do I. I’d go all night if I could, but fuck...I wanna see her cum and I know that’s gonna put me over. “Wanna cum all over my cock?”

“Please,” she squeaks and that’s it. That’s the end of it. I pull my hand out of hers and reach between us to thumb her clit. She covers her mouth and nose with her hand so I don’t get to see that pretty ‘O’ she makes when she cums, but her eyes go wide and her cunt clenches hard and I can feel how close I am.

I almost stay inside her. I want it. I don’t want to pull out. Every other time I’ve had her, I’ve cum inside her. But I pull out with a groan of ‘fuck’ and jack off onto her belly, gasping in a breath of air between spurts. She does look pretty covered in cum, though...panting up at me with those fuckin’ eyes. “I love you.”

She nods and licks her lips. “I love you, too.”

Those are the best words she can speak. I kiss her and roll off the bed. “Let me get a rag, clean you up.” I walk over to her sink where she’s got the neatly-folded washcloths. Gotta get contraception. Can’t have another baby. Especially with Mom back, we can’t have that. “I’ll buy condoms for next time, so we don’t have to deal with all this,” I say as I start cleaning her abs up.

I can’t help wondering about Grandma up in Maine. She was talking to her...is she gonna leave me again? “You know…” How do I do this without being a controlling piece of shit? “Heard you on the phone with Grandma. You can’t go back. I can’t lose you again.” Hope that came out as soft as I meant it.

“I wasn’t planning to go back…” Thank God. “...except maybe to get my stuff and introduce you and Sam to her.”

“She know who we are?” I ask, tossing the cloth at the sink before leaning down and grabbing my clothes off her floor. She nods and rolls off of her bed as I pull my jeans up my legs. “Might be cool to meet her.” Grandpa Henry spoke highly of his Millie. I watch as Y/n gets dressed in pajamas. She’s so amazing. She’s so forgiving and resilient.

And this was our best time ever. Without the Mark, without the intrusive, horrible rage, without the push for depravity, I could focus on her. I could focus on us. It was so much better. She looks over at me and I know she knows I’m in my thoughts. “It was nice to, you know, do this without the Mark pushing me to do it. It was better,” I explain before walking over to her and taking her head in my hands and dipping my head down to kiss her softly, sweetly, lovingly. I rub small circles across her temples with my thumbs as we kiss, and I’m a little proud of the way she looks breathless when I pull away.

I unlock her door and head out into the hall. I pass Sam as I head for the kitchen. “Hey, Sammy.” He looks a bit put-out by my good mood. Yeah, I got ‘er back and that means you don’t get a chance to swoop in and pick up the pieces. Sucks to be you, little brother.


End file.
